Googling comes up with a number of forums where people have asked this and the consensus seems to be Goo Gone or Dawn are the best things to use. Apply to the stains, leave to sit for an hour or two and then wash on the hottest setting the fabric will stand.

Ask Dr. Chapstick.

Sorry I don't have a more constructive suggestion. See also O.J. Dingo.

Thanks, EJ. I was too frustrated to Google.

Total bummer.

This is an odd point between my SO and me, as well. I do NOT check pockets before washing. The reason? Since I was a kid, I have emulated my dad, who went through a long and interesting (to a tiny kid) pocket-emptying ritual every night before turning in. The keys came out, the change, the penknife, the oddments, and the watch came off, too. Sometimes I got a quarter. I think this made me learn to empty pockets as I undress. So, everything's out of the pockets before it ever hits the laundry basket. Take the basket downstairs, throw in washer, go.

Meanwhile, a Certain Person does not empty pockets before tossing things into the laundry basket. An important slip of paper went missing last week and he fretted at me about why I didn't check the pockets of his jeans when I did a basketful of laundry. I responded "I never check pockets." I just don't! It's like a policy with me. I think I'd just rather do the pocket cleanse when I'm changing clothes, briefly once or twice a day, then go through a bazillion pockets in a pile of dirty clothes in front of the washer.

Either system is fine, of course. The problem arises when two people are using two different systems. Or when a system fails - like if your GF does the day-to-day pocket emptying...well, she missed something.

I suppose it certainly could be looked at from a systems perspective.

But for me, it's more a problem of the GF's 'careful' (in this and in other things) being about 30% as careful as the average person's. I've just assumed that it requires some training, so I remind her. But then *I* come off as a nag. And let's face it, that's what I'm doing. But it's not just for the hell of nagging -- it's to avoid the consequences of my not nagging, which consequences are usually left for *me* to deal with. Like, for instance, cleaning out the dryer exhaust after several weeks of dangerous Kleenex build-up. That falls on me. And like, for instance, I'm sitting here at work, self-conscious because I have grease stains all over my shirt. In awkward places. On my shirt.

(And don't *even* make the argument of "Well, why didn't you check the shirt after you put it on?" Because I've already had that conversation today. As well as the one that goes, "Well, sometimes you do this thing that's totally unrelated to laundry." I've had that one too, and that one really pisses me off.)

Don't really know what to do about it. Individually, one instance isn't a big deal. But collectively, after lots of little instances of 'careful' not being very effective, and my subsequent pleading for more attention then receiving a negative label, I kind of come out at my wits' end.

I guess I needed to vent some more. Sorry.

The laundry divorce was probably the right solution here.

Sorry about your shirt.

mudpuppie - I really do know how you feel. For us it's not laundry but other tasks - I know it's linked to his social anxiety a lot of the time (like he'll go in to the landlord to pay the rent, but "forget" to mention that the thermostat is broken because he wants to get out of there before someone ropes him into a conversation), but still I hate feeling like I have to nag him all the time to get stuff taken care of. And I know there's crap about me that annoys him, too...

Don't apologize for venting on MetaChat, mups. Isn't that, among other things, why we're here?

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Since the very first instance of shared laundry in my romantic relationships, I have had a strict "do NOT wash any of my clothes, except my socks, EVER" policy. I have weird laundry hang-ups. I don't even let my *Mom* wash my clothes.

Sorry about your shirt.

We practice separate laundry in our house, otherwise all my socks go missing (as his feet are twice the size of mine, even if I get them back they're all stretched).

We have also developed a strict policy of only arguing about the matter in hand and not bringing up other issues of simmering resentment. The idea being that there shouldn't be much simmering resentment in the first place, as we should talk about things as they arise. Seems to work fairly well.

My wife now has any number of garments that, used to be mine, then shrunk by her in the laundry.

I wash my own clothes now.

Oooh, mudpuppie: I asked a similar question once and had great results.