hehehe, I like it. Just tell it a few times and you'll find where it doesn't work. For example, is the line "he just can't kill it" funny? Should it be deleted or done over the top? (it stuck out for me, doesn't need to be there unless of course you make that funny too)

I would add another example, such as, "when the magician makes the handkerchief disappear, the parrot says, 'Up his sleeve, Up his sleeve.'

And then, of course you won't add this, but at the end, in answer to the parrot's last question, you could say, "It's down there somewhere, have a look." At which time the magician grabs the parrot and dunks it.

Yep, I had the same thoughts. "He can't just put a tiny muzzle it" maybe, and more examples - rule of threes and all that.

The parrot belongs to the Captain, so he can't just kill it.

Put this up front - as soon as you mention that there's a parrot, describe that there's a parrot sitting on a perch at the back of the room, and it belongs to the Captain. That lets people know it's not going away.

Parrot jokes are an art form in themselves. I guess because they seem so preternaturally smart, people like to take them down a peg. Among the others I like, this is one of my favorites:

A woman walks by a pet store every day on her way to work. They often put pets out front to attract business. One day, the woman sees that a parrot in a cage has been set out on the sidewalk. As she walks by, the parrot says

"Hey, lady!"

And she turns to look at the parrot, amused, at which point the parrot says

"Fuck you."

Miffed and indignant, the woman snorts and moves on. Rude parrot. Good luck with that.

The next day she goes to work again. She eyes the parrot warily as she approaches, but he seems to be minding his own business. But just after she passes, she hears again

"Hey, Lady! Fuck you."

The next day, it happens again. She's in no mood. So she goes into the store, buttonholes the owner, and says "What's the big idea? Did you know your parrot out front is insulting pedestrians and using profanity? This is probably against some local indencency law, and unless you do something about it, I'm going to find out!"

The storekeeper, abashed, apologizes profusely. "That's terrible. I had no idea," he says. He marches outside, grabs the parrot by its legs, and storms back into the store and through to the back room. From there, the woman begins to hear a chilling interchange of screeches, caws, shotuing, wing flapping,a nd things being thrown. It sounds terrible! He's abusing the parrot, and it's all her fault! Oh dear oh dear. Quietly, she scurries out of the shop and goes to work.

The next day, once again, she turns the corner and sees the parrot cage is still on the sidewalk. And inside is the parrot, looking...a little bit worse for the wear. Scruffly, feathers out of place, and a stubborn, baleful look in his beady eye as he fixes upon the woman making her way up the sidewalk. Will he dare? She steels herself.

The parrot calls "Hey, lady!"

She turns around and glares directly at him.

And the parrot winks and says "You know."

You could also actually perform the tricks.

Why is the parrot at the back of the theatre? Sounds trivial, but I think the more fleshed out the narrative is (with out going overboard- no pun intended), makes it more interesting to me. Just a short sentence explaining why the parrot HAS to be there prevents the listener from getting sidetracked by questions. Is the captain there too? Is the bird a lucky charm of some sort? Is he part of the show? Did the parrot save the captain's life in Nam? Did it belong to is dead wife?

Otherwise, I chuckled. It definitely has good potential with only minor fine tuning!