MetaChat - Jessica Biel: My Beauty "Really Is a Problem"

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19 May 2009

Jessica Biel: My Beauty "Really Is a Problem"

post by: Joe Beese at: 10:28 | 30 comments

Oh yeah, me too. DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL.

But she's wrong, of course. Her problem isn't that she's beautiful. Her problem is that she can't act.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 19 May | 10:33

Pfft. She should try going through life well-hung. Now that's a test of character!

So I hear.

posted by BoringPostcards 19 May | 10:39

While I prefer Biel to Alba, I like Tandy best of all.

posted by Hugh Janus 19 May | 10:44

Hugh, I prefer Rabbit.

posted by rmless2 19 May | 10:47

Helllloooooo -- Jennifer Beals please.

posted by Claudia_SF 19 May | 11:00

We hate *you* because you're beautiful, Joe Beese!

posted by lukemeister 19 May | 11:07

Yeah, I don't think the beauty part is the problem. Penelope Cruz (drop dead gorgeous) gets plenty of work and she can act.

Aren't most young actresses beautiful? I don't get it.

posted by LoriFLA 19 May | 11:17

No, you're wrong, LoriFLA. It's the ugly actresses that are getting all the work instead of Jessica Biel. Stupid ugly actresses. Why can't Hollywood hire someone beautiful for a change? grrrrr.

posted by taz 19 May | 11:27

Like I said, it's that she can't act. Watch "7th Heaven" if you don't believe me.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 19 May | 11:31

"Darn! It's given me so much undeserved opportunity!"

posted by dhartung 19 May | 11:48

It's her freedom. It's her fire. It's her life.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 19 May | 11:51

I agree with the what the Go Fug Yourself people said:

But I think the real issue came a couple of years ago where suddenly the Hollywood media machine decided Jessica Biel was the Next Big Thing and that we were going to LOVE HER despite the fact that she'd done really nothing all that embraceable...Suddenly she was all over the place and it was totally inexplicable, remember? Like, at the Oscars for no reason at all and named like The Sexiest Sex Symbol In the Universe and whatnot? And it kind of didn't work -- after all, she's not really that much more famous now than she ever was, even if she is dating probably one of the most famous dudes in the world. It's the same thing that happened with Sienna Miller. For a while, the movie-going public was told that we were supposed to be SUPER INTO this person, but we were all like, "....no, thank you. No, seriously. No, thank you. NO THANK YOU SERIOUSLY NOW I HATE THIS GIRL PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS. GOD PLEASE SHUT UP WITH THE ENDLESS YAPPING ABOUT THIS PERSON."

posted by mullacc 19 May | 11:54

That was fast.

posted by box 19 May | 12:45

Crazy Days and Nights comments on the comment.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 19 May | 12:46

Also, she's trying to be Scarlet Johansen or Natalie Portman? Really? Ought to aim for, like, Jennifer Garner.

posted by box 19 May | 12:53

I wonder how they worded the question. As far as I know, the Allure interviewer could have asked her if the financial crisis was affecting her portfolio.

posted by mullacc 19 May | 13:14

Maybe they were asking her specifically about whether her Playboy layout has hurt her, career-wise. Because I'm sure it has. Not a lot of Playboy models go on to careers as serious actresses.

posted by amro 19 May | 13:19

Watch "7th Heaven" if you don't believe me.

"You're just a baby! You can't have sex!"

posted by Joe Beese 19 May | 13:23

Yay for cognitive dissonance. It makes celebrities funny.

posted by seanyboy 19 May | 13:29

I think Jessica needs to spend a few minutes with Farrah.

posted by Ardiril 19 May | 13:34

Jessica Biel! I love her! she's so hot! Is she still an actress?

posted by RussHy 19 May | 15:13

gootube down:(

500 Internal Server Error

Sorry, something went wrong.

A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation.

posted by lysdexic 19 May | 15:51

Is she really that beautiful? I mean, she's pretty. But in a "the cute girl in my class" sort of way, not in a "caused a three car accident by standing at a bus stop" way like some actresses.

posted by kellydamnit 19 May | 17:05

She looks a bit like Michelle Malkin to me. I mean, in an Anglo sort of way.

posted by dhartung 19 May | 17:06

kellydamnit,

I agree.

posted by lukemeister 19 May | 17:44

Yeah, I think she ought to be going for possibly-vaguely-jockish girl-next-door roles. Are there any of those? Surely she could play romcoms and stuff, right?

posted by box 19 May | 21:24

She was in that one with Adam Sandler (the pretend gay marriage one), and did a decent enough job considering that she is not able to portray realism on screen (aka, she cannot act).

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 19 May | 22:30

Well, she does want to be like Natalie Portman, so the not being able to act thing isn't such an obstacle.

posted by Hugh Janus 19 May | 22:52

Heh, TRUE DAT.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 19 May | 23:07

After thinking about it some more, I think I've found the job for her--I think Biel would work well in one of those pretty-partner-of-ugly-comedian roles. She just needs to luck into the right combination of broadly-aimed television show and serious network promotional muscle (which is, after all, pretty much what happened the first time around).

posted by box 20 May | 10:13

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