MetaChat - Should I get plastic surgery or just get over myself?

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17 April 2009

Should I get plastic surgery or just get over myself? I took one of my rare, good, hard, side-of-face and three-quarters view of my face looks in the mirror today and I seriously don't know how people are not genuinely repulsed all the time. →[More:] I just feel not only ugly, but humiliatingly so. Despite not being fat any more, I still have a HUGE double chin left over (mostly flab, but it still looks double). My upper lip sticks out in a weird way, the tip of my nose somehow seems to stick straight out when I smile, I have the deep lines many people get in their 40's (I'm Susan Boyle's age, I guess that's what brought this on, though I look younger and trimmer). It makes me rethink why people may have not hired me, or why they were so quick to fire me from temp jobs. It boggles me all the compliments I do get sometimes at parties (mostly from older people tho). I know I can dress well and I do have lively, pretty eyes (behind glasses because my eyes are too dry for contacts). I wish I could find a really ugly pic to show y'all what I mean...the couple pics I have on the computer are relatively flattering and put my chin in total shadow.

Yes, guys my age hit on me if they're drunk or lonely, and younger guys even flirt with me but I think now that they have to get past my humiliating looks first before they decide I'm OK. Are people feeling sorry for me not because I look tired or whatever, but because I have to look so embarrassingly ugly? Gaah.

How can this jump up and hit me today like it's a real problem, when I have so many presumably worse problems, as do people everywhere?

Perhaps it's the halo effect. People who don't like me will see me as every bit as fugly as I saw myself today, and people who like me will notice the good things. But what about the ones who don't know me yet? It seems extreme, but despite the beautiful weather I didn't even want to go outside after I looked in the mirror today...
now I just remembered, two guys in the Bahamas hit on me...does that count or not? It's cause my face is OK but only from straight on. And most people's first view of you is not from straight on. So everybody must go through this process...my god, she's a dog, and a piggy looking one at that...hey, she's not so bad I guess...my god, look at that chin...well, I guess she's OK, and I think she likes me.

I still want plastic surgery.

post by: serena at: 22:02 | 16 comments

Is it possible that you find your profile and three-quarter view so weird because you just don't see it that often?

posted by occhiblu 17 April | 22:19

Guys your age hit on you? Younger guys flirt with you?

Then you are not as "ugly" as you think you are.

I took one of my rare, good, hard, side-of-face and three-quarters view of my face looks in the mirror today and I seriously don't know how people are not genuinely repulsed all the time.

Everybody, seriously, everybody thinks they look weird/ugly if they really, really look at themselves in a mirror.

I would bet my paycheque that you do not need any plastic surgery.

posted by Savannah 17 April | 22:21

good point...although I really don't think that's it...
Part of what makes this so weird is how attractive I think I look sometimes. It all depends how the light is in the mirror I catch myself in. And I know mirrors and photographs tend to spread your face out and exaggerate the wrinkles, so I must look at least a tad bit better in real life than I seem to look in mirrors, but still.

And I just talked to my boyfriend about it, and he was a sympathetic listener, but he never compliments me except to say "You look nice" if I've dressed up.

This conversation was no different. Ugh.

Of course, if I had thought I was fugly when I first met him, I would barely even have talked to him...so I know it's important to think that you look better than you really do sometimes...but it makes me feel like a fool to know that I've been going around thinking that I look so different than I really do.

posted by serena 17 April | 22:37

If you think you need plastic surgery, then plastic surgery will not fix what is wrong with you. You'll likely never be happy with what you have. There's always just one more thing to fix.

posted by Eideteker 17 April | 22:42

I really don't know much about plastic surgery but I tend to think that guys hitting on you or not has nothing to do with how you see yourself. Fortunately I am not in the market for a date but women who give me challenging or interesting conversation or who make me laugh are the ones who turn me on.

I think how we see ourselves has to do with many more things than just our given physiognomy.

posted by arse_hat 17 April | 23:00

Given the numbers of serial plastic surgery addicts that seem to be out there, I'd say eideteker's comment above is spot on.

...he never compliments me except to say "You look nice" if I've dressed up

Some guys, hell, LOTS of guys are like that: they just don't compliment very often. I reckon that's not a reflection on you in particular, but rather that he's just that kind of guy.

posted by flapjax at midnite 17 April | 23:01

serena, you sound like you may be edging into body dysmorphia. Sometimes the mirror lies. Anxiety may make you see yourself as nobody else sees you- strange lines, folds, creases. You may be fixating on things that, literally, nobody else can see. I think it may have to do with how we process visual images... we don't all interpret 3D space the same way.

You're fine. Your BF thinks you're above average, and averages being what they are, a lot of other people do, too. :)

posted by BoringPostcards 18 April | 00:35

I go through this regularly. I become convinced that there is something fatally wrong with my face. So I get a new haircut, in an attempt to re-arrange the deck chairs. That can be fun.

And here's my thoughts on plastic surgery: I'm not against it, I'm really not, but it seems that it works best within a limited framework i.e. I love my face except for my nose, I will fix my nose, my nose is fixed, I feel much better. When it's just a grab for anything that seems more beautiful, that's when people begin to look strange. Big lips are in, so they have HUGE lips. Smooth faces are in, so they get enough botox to kill NYC. They lose track of keeping their whole look in balance, and everything becomes about pieces. You are not your chin, your lips, whatever. Look at the whole picture.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 April | 00:59

Oh hon, you're your own worst enemy. Always assume compliments and flirts are genuine, unless given obvious reasons to assume otherwise. They cost nothing and are fun!

I'll be 38 this year and am also coming to grips with not being 20 anymore. I've gone through pregnancy & childbirth, so my belly isn't taut like it used to be and my nipples are not quite at 90 degrees to my chest anymore, my bum isn't quite as perky as it used to be and I look in the mirror and hate what is happening beneath my eyes.

You know what? I'm still pretty hot!
People are genuinely surprised when they learn I'm in my late 30's. The last time I saw my waxer we were both bemoaning the aging process, and we both mentioned concerns about our eyes - I swear, I couldn't see what she was talking about and she claims she couldn't see what I was talking about.
I also think I look DREADFUL in most photos - my daughter agrees I come out bad in photos and don't actually look like that (bless her).
Bad lighting, shadows, etc are less forgiving once your over 30.

I love glasses! Use them to your benefit! They are a fashion accessory, just like earrings or a handbag. You said you have pretty eyes, use your glasses to enhance them rather than hide them.

If guys are hitting on you, believe me they are not doing it out of pity, it's because they find you attractive. You need to think about why you're so hard on youself before you think about surgery.

posted by goshling 18 April | 05:37

TPS, if you're anything like me, you'll love and appreciate your face more as you age. I think I grew into my face. Maybe I grew more acceptance.

serena, we all have these pictures. You'll drive yourself crazy if you scrutinize unflattering photos and angles. I would be a sad mess if I focused on unflattering shots. And honsestly, the "bad" pictures don't bother me as much any more. That's how I look, oh well. My usual approach is to remember the good ones and keep that image in my head.

I think it's self-defeating to rely on appreciation from strangers, or the opposite sex, to gauge how attractive we are. So what if people flirt with you, or you receive heaps of compliments? It might give a temporary boost but then what? When the next unflattering photo appears, you might still think you need plastic surgery.

Most of us (human beings) are not raving beauties. I think a lot of us think we should be, or could be if we just did the right things.

You're not ugly, serena. Remember the good images and try to be kinder to yourself.

posted by LoriFLA 18 April | 07:22

Plastic surgery works best when it's used as a way to enhance an internal physical acceptance of self. If it is merely an attempt to have external compliments and seeking self-satisfaction by others - by those outside of yourself - there is no amount of plastic surgery that will ever fix you the way you want to look. You will always see yourself as less attractive than you really are, you will then try to fix yourself in some unspecific way, it won't work, and then you'll try again.

Everyone feels hideous sometimes. The trick is to remember that there are times where you feel fabulous and realize these things come and go, come and go.

posted by stynxno 18 April | 08:26

stynxno has got it. Plastic surgery will not magically fix your self-esteem. If you walk around thinking you are "embarrassingly ugly," and you're walking into a surgeon's office with a long list of things you need to get taken care of or you will be rejected forever, please save yourself the time/trouble/ghastly expense and go to a therapist instead.

My dad's a reconstructive surgeon. I've grown up watching people come to him for everything from boob jobs to cleft lips to getting pieced back together after hideous accidents. I am acutely aware of the role the self-image plays in making such decisions, and the way an (ethical, informed) doctor will help the patient make that decision. I have seen him actually refer people to therapy rather than surgery. Not every doctor will do that, of course.

I grew up weighing in at 250 pounds with a size 40 waist at my heaviest. I lost 100 pounds on my own through rigorous exercise and diet. I've had liposuction on the most stubborn problem areas that running five miles a day and hitting the gym for the last six years just CAN'T fix because of my body's unfixable fat storage programming. Vain and unnecessary? Yes. Did my dad think it was ridiculous that I was having it done? Oh yes. Did it have any noticeable impact on my social and romantic life? Maybe among people who've seen me with my shirt off, and even then only the most superficial subset. Which is not who you want to concern yourself with attracting. But I did it for me, not for them. That, to me, is the only valid reason to subject yourself to cosmetic surgery.

Surgery is not a panacea for poor self-image. Please take care of yourself internally before starting to muck about with the externals. Your attractiveness will exponentially increase by virtue of your self-love, which is far more visible to others than a perfect profile. And I live in Hollywood, so believe me, I know of whence I speak.

posted by mykescipark 18 April | 09:36

I consider myself somewhere between ugly and plain. But I figure as long as kids and animals don't flee in terror at my face I'm not too hideous. Seriously.

posted by deborah 18 April | 12:10

Imagine that your sister, if you have one and like her a lot, or your best girlfriend, or just someone you love, wrote that post. Now read it again, imagining that "she" wrote it. What would you tell her?

posted by Kangaroo 18 April | 13:24

I have a singular tooth seriously out of place. I have a flat mole/discolourisation on my left cheek. If these are datebreakers; I have -0- interest in the other person; and I view it as a precursor to more criticism to come. What next? High hairline? Worker hands? Long sleeve shirts to hide my farkin' Popeye forearms? My small feet? OMG I bite my nails. Yikes; parts of my body are not as smooth as they were when I was 21 either! I chose a Gold tooth in lieu of composite because I am a very special person, and my Grandmother loves me.

I find brains and old-fashioned skills to be extremely attractive.

You are here, literate; and beautiful.

posted by buzzman 18 April | 14:30

Sorry for all the misery guys, and thanks for your support, I feel a lot better than I did the other day. I guess when I feel bad about something I *really* feel bad about it. Stress and exhaustion.

posted by serena 19 April | 08:48

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