I had a voice mail message on my home phone saying that I won a lottery. (Which I didn't enter, of course.) She said it was from the city of Haverhill, a nearby community. Only she pronounced it wrong. It's pronounced "Hay-vrille", as every native knows, not "Haver-hill". Was impressed, actually, at her textbook attempts at sincerity, a cheerful voice and using the word "you" and "your" in almost every phrase.

#1:
Every week you'll nail deeper
Supercharge lovegun
[deleted link]

#2:
La100rge range of brand-name and exact equivalents of approved pillules.
Guaranteed gigantic boner! [deleted link]

"Add some coal in the boggy of your carnal locomotive" -sounds poetic!

"You will always be ready to give your girl due response" -sounds like a legal procedure!

"Consumers stuck when Web sites change terms" -possibly true but irrelevant!

"understand figure had interest situation therefore slowly sea hundred shook. right fallen wine fine body saying nay very supposed also servant nature none watch thoughts leaving drew become about eat put miss open aunt hours I'll remember more dreadful below knew em part son fine pleased talk eyes. supposed pale books behind died determined air won't fall feet notice real cut round" -ummm....

I got a mispelled business card through my door yesterday, advertising discount counselling. According to the website it's a "'SPECIAL CREDIT CRUNCH RATE' OF ONLY £25.00 FOR A FULL ONE HOUR SESSION USUALLY £50.00 per hour." I suppose everyone's suffering in the recession.

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Another one, by someone who is "a British national and CEO of EURO GLOBAL VETINARY UK". And later refers to a "Diary farm".

Crisis! And you does feel badly? It is not needed to take a recipe. Come to us! Want to beat your neighbors in love marathon?

"Supersize tomatoes up to 2lbs each"? It's not just taters anymore.

aid your darling sexual times with relef of wonderful medicines.

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WE ARE WAITING YOU

I get a lot of gobbledegook spam with one link buried somewhere in it. Here's today's winner:

Half what i do, mr. Rafiel had said, and he knows brant on account of sickness was unable to be one day, as he rowed along the coast, beyond the and twentyeight dollars in june following, and the hand was a professional assassin, one of the had brought out troops from cork to halifax were rosemary she had a very good chance of becoming he acknowledges speed's kindly advice, but says: number, from esertion, and those left to garrison is over now. I suppose the fever burnt it out be less destructive ata.m. Thanp.m. Also, remember he said in a hoarse whisper. I can't to your house?.

I thought this was a delightful little couplet:

She'll open her eyes wide
when she sees your male pride!

Also, this intrigued me:

Bum party formed

I love these rhyming ones.

Be proud of your tower
in any public shower.