You're not alone in your curiosity; I've been giving a sliver too much brain-space to the role of kebabs in UK culture, too.

From contextual clues, I've assumed that the corner kebab shop usually serves döner kebabs, that they're (kinda sorta not-really) akin to gyros, and that they're a standard late-night food that you put into a belly full of drinks.

Is that even remotely close to correct, UK MeChazens?

I think kebabs are closer to souvlaki, actually.

Not a UK bunny, but that was my experience when I was there, Elsa.

I think kebabs are closer to souvlaki, actually.

Wait, I may have too little brain-space devoted to spit-roasted foods in general.

I think of souvlaki as something you get on a plate, with chunks of meat, not shavings of meat. Is that what you're thinking of, too, jonmc?

Or is the defining difference between a gyro and souvlaki the texture/cut of meat? I think of a gyro as being shaved off a giant cone of spit-roasted meat. Are we talking about the same thing? If not, is that a regional difference, or am I just confused?

Man, I would push someone over to get a gyro right about now.

Man, all this is making me want a kebab, regardless of my state of sobriety!

On another note, I did find this on Wikipedia.

The sentence '"Doner meat" is often also offered as a pizza or burger topping in such establishments.' was priceless.

Donor meat? What, like a leftover kidney? Sounds scary!

They mean a donair or gyros.

Here's my glossary of middle eastern-style meat dishes:
souvlaki = chunks of meat (not ground) and veggies grilled on a small skewer
shish kebab = chunks of meat (not ground) grilled on a small skewer
gyro = ground beef/lamb shaved from a vertical spit (in other words a large skewer)
shawarma = ground lamb/beef shaved from a vertical spit
doner = ground lamb/beef shaved from a vertical spit
adana kebab = ground lamb/beef wrapped around a small skewer and grilled

They are all "kebabs" in the sense that they are meats cooked on a skewer. But there's a big difference between the small single-serving size skewer used for souvlaki or shish kebabs and the big multi-serving vertical spits from which doner and shawarma are shaved.

er, I meant to say that shish kebab is chunks of meat plus veggies. Essentially souvlaki + veggies = shish kebab. That's how I think about it anyway.

And I guess the more authentic doner/shawarma isn't actually ground, but made up of a individual slices of meat stacked on top of each other on the vertical spit.

This is confusing stuff. But delicious.

In the UK, a kebab almost always refers to a cheap doner kebab, usually eaten in a state of inebriation after the pub.

I think it's basically the same as what you call a "gyro". In the shop, an "elephant leg" of spiced, reformed meat is turned before an electric radiant heater. Slices of meat are carved off and laden into a flatbread. Salad, chillis and chilli sauce are usually added.

There are a few shops that serve high quality, authentic kebabs, but the majority of kebab shops serve cheap, often poor quality food in conditions of dubious hygiene. It's really delicious when you're pissed though.

Yeah, doner kebab is a sort of mystery meat prssed into a big cylinder and cooked on a rotating spit. It's meant to be lamb but, who knows?

Doner kebabs are traditionally eaten by drunks on their way home from the pub. The meat is sliced, laid into a pita, 'salad' is added (i.e. shredded white cabbage a slice or two of tomato and lots of strong onion) and chili sauce drizzled on it.

A good kebab shop will have a rapid turnover and its kebabs will be succulent and the salad fresh. But it's the ones that have the same, hardly-shrinking piece of 'meat' on the spit for days, or even weeks, at a time that you have to watch out for, with stale pita and browning salad.

I can say with pride that, since I got sober, I have never eaten a kebab. I remember one night at coffee after the big Friday AA meeting a bunch of us were talking about how vile kebabs are and that they're only something we used to eat when drunk. Then Mick said, in a tiny, ashamed voice: "I still like kebabs." He hung his head as we all laughed.

Another highlight of British cuisine is the Pot Noodle. It's literally a pot, containing dehydrated noodles and other 'ingredients' (i.e. chemicals) to which boiling water is added and - hey presto - three minutes later you have something to eat. That is, you have something you might want to eat if your palate has been destroyed by the chili sauce from doner kebabs. Pot Noodle is very popular with students and the advertising is aimed at young men.

The people who make Pot Noodle have - this very week - come up with the absolute apex of student cuisine - the Doner Kebab Flavour Pot Noodle.

EJ, we in the US have a variation of pot noodle called "ramen," even though it looks and behaves nothing like true ramen. And yeah, when you're drunk enough or poor enough or even creative enough, Pot Noodle can be a delicacy of sorts.

(When I eat it these days, I leave out the flavor packet, scramble an egg, and add some veggies, spices, soy sauce, and sesame oil.)

For some reason all the kebab shops in Toruń are collected on Szewska Street. Along with the wedding dress and jewelry shops.

I always associate gyros with outdoor concerts and arts festivals.

Surely the American equivalent of Pot Noodle is Cup Noodle, as found in Times Square?

In the frozen pizza section here in Swedish supermarkets you can find pizza with "kebab and garlic sauce". It is exactly as vile as you'd think.