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16 March 2009
Who do you miss?→[More:] I haven't seen some former college roomies in years, we're now all spread across the country. It would be great to get together for drinks. You?
I miss my father, gone four years this April. I miss my sisters, all alive, living in New England, also my mother, living in New Hampshire. I'm going home next month to see everyone.
I miss my son, my cousin John, and my dad. I don't include my mom because that was so long ago it's something else other than miss. I also miss Johnny Cash because I liked him as an entertainer and because he always reminded me of my dad.
I miss three old close friends I rairly talk to, or who rairly talk to me, for reasons I don't know.
I miss my ex and friend Jeff, who died of cancer in 2005. He was the first and last person who I truly believe saw and loved and appreciated and heard and forgave me, the real me. He knew me and he loved me anyway. Parts my very personality come from his, and I still think about him every day. I doubt I'll experience that kind of grace, that acceptance, ever again.
I miss Lou, the last person I loved. Now there is no place for me in his life, apart from the songs he writes about what happened between us. I'm just part of his livelihood now.
I miss my Auntie Nellie, who died nearly two years ago. When I was a kid she was more of a mother to me than my own, even though she lived 50 miles away. I spent every school holiday with her. Although her life in many ways was unremarkable, she was herself a remarkable woman.
And I miss George. Sometimes I feel guilty about feeling/saying that, when I see the direction in which my life has moved, but, yeah, I still miss him a lot.
I don't really miss people and never have. I lean more toward being quite deeply and possibly overly concerned about those who are part of my life now.
I miss my grandma, but I miss most how she was 20 years ago (an active, happy old lady) and not how she was just before she died (a miserable very old lady, losing control of her physical self but still fully aware of what was going on).
I miss the ability to have the kind of free-ranging conversations I had with friends in college - the friends are still around, but our preoccupations have changed. I dare say I'd find the 18-year-old me pretentious and gauche in the extreme, though.
I miss my father, who died three years ago. I heard a joke last week and thought, "I can't wait to tell Da--- Oh. Right."
I miss my first partner, E, who died over a decade ago. As EJ says, I feel guilty about it, though for quite different reasons, I think. It's this stupidly complex web of feelings wrapped up in someone who lived a complicated, frustrated life and died too young to figure out much of it.
I miss Nonnie, my mum's mum. She died in 1991. There are so many things I wished I had asked before she passed away. And she'd be so happy to see where I am today.
And I miss Sancho, one of my cats. I love all of my beasties but there was something extra special about him.
I miss my Grandmothers. My mother's mother died a little over 10 years ago. I didn't get to see or talk to her often, but she was always understanding and tolerant of me. I'm apparently very like her. She talked me through my first separation from the Ex and I still try to think of what she would say these days.
My father's mother died almost two years ago now. I actually hadn't spoken to her since my other grandmother died, and that was because my dad called her up and put the phone to my ear without warning. What I miss is the happy part of my childhood with her, where she was teaching me how to garden, how to cook, how to do stuff. I'd also go out in the garage and get old tv and radio and turntable parts and make...stuff.
Man this is a bad week for me. This thread reminded me to take my meds.
I miss my friend Bret, shot to death in high school. I miss my friend Marty, dead with a needle full of heroin in his arm. I miss my first serious girlfriend Laura, who argued with her mom one day and went home and ate all the pills in the house and died when I was a thousand miles away. I miss Nand, who put his head in an oven in a flophouse in Queens rather than move back to Mumbai to live with his parents. I miss my dad, who died in 1999, and Uncle Bull, who died two weeks ago.
This is a bittersweet thread. I miss my Dad, who died in 1975, my Mom, who died a year ago, and a bunch of people in between.
Hugh, "that part of my dad that lit up when she was in the room" is such a nice tribute, and Arse-hat, my heart aches for you and your son. Big, whuffle-y hugs to everybody.
I miss my best friends at church, who abruptly ended their friendship with me for complex reasons. I still see them every week from a distance, which makes it harder.
I miss my childhood friend/boyfriend who died 10 years ago at age 29.
I miss my dad, who died of cancer in 1990.
I miss the fact that I used to be able to eat Kraft macaroni and cheese almost every day and not gain weight.
I miss Mr. V. Despite it all, I hate our separation. We are talking, though. Who knows what will happen in the future?
I miss my grandparents - both of my mom's parents and my dad's stepdad.
I miss a long-ago best friend, who I lost contact with. She has juvenile diabetes, and last I knew her dad had given her one of his kidneys. I hope she's okay.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
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