I am undertaking stealth ointment application. The cat is having an allergic reaction that has caused her to lick or bite off large patches of fur. →[More:] I have a hippie-granola all-natural first-aid salve that seems to be soothing the skin and helping it heal, but the cat freaks out when I come anywhere near her for the purpose of applying it.

So I've been reduced to waiting until she is asleep on my lap, geeeeeeeeeentlllly reaching over and picking up the ointment, and sloooooooowly picking up her limbs one by one to reach the bitten bits, and caaaaarefully smearing ointment on them. Except that she usually wakes up halfway through, so then I have to pretend that there's nothing on my finger, really, and I was just playing with your foot, ha ha!, ok I'll put it down now. And wait until she falls asleep. And then start the whole thing over.

It's a good thing cats sleep so damned much.