Well. It's kind of the easiest way of helping things but mr. gaspode and I have pledged to donate a significant amount of money to charities that are important to us this year. (mine are UNICEF and planned parenthood, I don't know what his are).

My boss has decided to give me full rein over a MASSIVE thing at work with one instruction: "make us look good at the end of this". Which is scary as hell, but I feel proud that he trusts me enough to not fuck this up.

I'm also making progress on my issues with being out in public. I had lunch today by myself, in a public restaurant.

Well, it's not as impressive as your accomplishments, but I've been trying to take better care of my money. One of the biggest financial drains I could find was eating out too much, and only for lazy reasons, like I didn't plan ahead or felt too tired. I read some Suze Orman challenge to "not eat out for a month" and decided I'd give it a go - seeing that I spent a couple hundred dollars a month eating out all last year, if I added up breakfast bagels, lunches, pub grub, and the occasional nice dinner.

So far I'm doing pretty well. In all January I ate out only a couple times - once when I forgot lunch and got a taco, and then during the Inauguration festivities when we went out for a night of drinks, dinner, and trivia, and then Superbowl Sunday. Not too shabby. I've done great at bringing lunch to work every single day - even made a bunch of mini calzones ahead of time and stuck them in the freezer so I really don't have an excuse when I don't have any good leftovers. And having coffee and breakfast at home each day helps too. In January alone I was able to make bigger payments on two important debts because of this - so it works, it feels pretty good. Plus I'll enjoy eating out more when it's really a special splurge, not a kneejerk response.

I've volunteered to be the editor of the neighborhood council's monthly newsletter and webmaster for the website. I don't really know anything about web design or desktop publishing but I'm figuring them out. Now if I could just get people to stop giving me stories to include in the newsletter on paper forcing me to retype the whole thing.

These are awesome.

Sperose - I know how you feel about the "out in public" thing. There's been numerous times where I've begged off going somewhere or showing up to something because I'd have to go by myself. How did you feel eating out today?

A cool thing might be making that issue into a treat, you know? Instead of saying, "I don't like going out in public to eat", say to yourself, "Damnit! I've worked hard all week on this new project so I'm treating myself to a lunch! I'm going to my favorite place and having whatever I want!" That way it makes a phobia into something fun you're doing to make yourself feel good and reward yourself.

Just a thougt, anyway.

I'm doing well at reigning in my temper.

I'm 2/3 through my fat loss goal, after which I'll begin my muscle gain goal.

Last time I smoked dope was before Christmas. That's like some people quitting cigarettes.

It was doing me more harm than good, anyway.

So sorry for the length of this:

I've buried or cremated nearly 40 people since the first of the year. That's more than one a day. A new record for me.

And my ability to step up and lead folks in a healthy and productive grieving process has matured since I started being more of a funeral "director" instead of a funeral "directed." I'm no longer afraid to step in and counsel a family that I feel is making bad decisions. I don't always get through to them, but I longer have to worry that I didn't try my best.

Recently, a man dying of cancer asked his wife to step out into the garage to get something for him. When she went outside, she heard the pistol shot. Fearing the worst, she called a neighbor before she went inside herself. He had fatally shot himself.

When we arrived on the scene, she had decided that she wanted to go in and see him herself. And he was a mess. You can imagine. I politely suggested that in her state, it wasn't a good decision, and her children agreed, but she became insistent. I offered her a compromise: let me take him back to my mortuary, clean him up, make him presentable (he was being cremated, but I at least wanted to change his shirt before she saw him).

I took her hand and said, "Please, let me do this for you. Let me make the last time you see him a peaceful time."

She went in anyway.

Later, when we met to make arrangements, she apologized for questioning my judgment (which I wasn't the least bit offended by), and quietly said, "I wish I would have listened to you." I was sorry that she had to go through that, but I was comforted that my instincts had been correct.

A lot of what I do is handling emotionally fragile people at their absolute worst. It can really be a minefield sometimes. But I'm getting better at it.

This is going to sound rather selfish after ColdChef but this is where I'm at.

After 4 years of jeans and cheap outlet clothes, last month I bought a really good starter wardrobe of nice clothes. Plus, I am heading to Boston to finally see a New England winter, something I have wanted to do all my life. My father gave me a mandolin for Christmas, so now I have a new instrument to learn to play.

Mainly, this is my year of rediscovering myself, now that my son is on his own and my exwife should remain permanently out of my life. The rest of my family is doing fine and I should have no worries there. You all are probably tired of hearing about my health so I won't go into that.

I do worry about fellow metachatters who are having their own problems. I wish I could do something to help, but all I can offer is my email address, an objective ear, and a non-judgmental attitude.

Thanks, ColdChef, for sharing what you've done, for doing it, and for trying to get better at it. I'm sure you get thanked pretty often for it, but thanks again. You ease hurt, and that's the best thing a man can do in the world.

I had just finished watching this before I read your comment.

The kitchen is a few bits away from being finished.

ColdChef, that was quite a tale and I'm impressed with your strength and sensitivity. I wish more people could encounter a person like you when they most need to. There are some aspects of maturity that are just irreplaceable by any of the gifts of youth, and you've articulated some of them beautifully.

And, way to go, everybody else - especially you too, Hugh. I know it's tough to step away from a comfortable crutch like that. For what it's worth you seem alive and alert lately. Pot has its nice qualities but I have often seen it form a dovetail with depression, especially in middle age, and it can become a crippling rut.

For the record, I can also be an insufferable asshole a lot of the time. It's something that I'm working on.

I have changed the battery terminals, oil and oil filter on my car, and thus made it much better at starting in the cold. Not that there's any cold yet, but whatever... I've never done an oil change before.

- Decided to limit beer drinking to Fridays and Saturdays in 2009, and so far, have done it. This was motivated by both the waistline and the wallet. (Guinness has gotten ridiculously expensive in the last couple of months.)

- Decided also to get out of the house more in 2009, and have acted on that a couple of times already, including tonight when I went to an Atlanta Photography group mixer where I knew absolutely nobody. It was about as awkward as I feared, since it seemed everybody else knew at least one or two other people, and I knew no one, but I did meet a few cool folks and overall enjoyed the experience. (BTW, this was not the meetup with the Baha'i dude I mentioned earlier this week... that one has yet to materialize)

For sperose: Dine Alone.

I've been spending more time developing myself also.

I've begun taking singing lessons, which, technically, I began last year, but I've been doing regularly all this year. I'm getting better, and I love it.

I'm also doing more work on my writing. I'm in research mode, and planning mode, and it's ticking over in my mind. I feel like it's slowly coming on, but I'm proud of myself for sticking with it.

I'm also making an effort to get out there and to meet new people. I met a semi-interesting boy last night, and sent him an email today, so we'll see what happens with that. My goal for the year is to be open to the possibility of a relationship, and not talk myself out of any potential ones that do come my way.

I'm also increasing my savings, and aiming to get enough to get a deposit on a house together in the next few years. It's going to be a long process, but I'm saving up bit by bit.

LT- I felt much better after I finished and got in the car and drove back to my parents house. I then proceeded to nap super hard. I think what made it easier to deal with was that I wasn't the only anti-social person in there. I wasn't even the only one with a book!
Thanks for the tune, Eideteker.

I've gotten involved in an interesting translation project, which I'm really excited about. The plan is to compile, translate and publish a collection of Yuri Lotman's culturological essays. It's taken a while for things to start moving, but the ball seems to be rolling now. I've translated one essay so far, and it turns out my Russian's a lot better and I'm better at translating than I thought. The financial side of the project has not been completely sorted out yet, but we're going to discuss this next week. It looks like I have a good chance to finally do something I like and get paid good money for it. As a result, I've started to see the future in brighter colours again.

I am trying to look at things more positively.

Right now, I'm deep into figuring out how to not lose the sewer tap for the property we purchased. A few months ago, I would have just given up already. Major financial issues have to be resolved in order to make this happen.

Working with my therapist, I'm trying to frame this as a chance to move forward instead of moving on and leaving him behind. It's a difficult thought process for me as I've been feeling that every step forward is a step away from my hubby.

I bought my house. It belongs to me now. I've never owned anything this big or serious and I'm determined to keep it in good shape. I have no idea how to do this - but I'm confident that I can figure it out and do it. Last year hit me pretty hard with issues of aging and dying and so on and it's made me really think about my own life and where I am in that process. I want to have something to leave my kids when I go in 30 years and this house is probably going to be it, so it had damn well better be sparkling immaculate and perfect.

I've started up the excercising again, and found that I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was.

I demanded and got a raise and a promotion last year, and I'm making the most of it. Just recently I got another person added to my mini-empire, and I'm gaining more and more confidence in dealing with people and getting what I want.

I've paid off one loan and am on the way (after encountering a MAJOR speed bump) to paying off the rest of my debts, so my raise will actually mean something.

I'm also working on eating out less, and it's been a half-half win.

Positive milestone: I quite drinking the 13th of August last year and still haven't craved a beer.

I can also be an insufferable asshole a lot of the time. It's something that I'm working on.

Just comes naturally to me.

1. Moved into a new apartment with a solo lease!
2. Kinda starting a new relationship!
3. Submitted a pitch package for a major publication!
4. My topless photos are finally being published in coffee book form!
5. Starting a new blog!
6. I'm on Day 27 of quitting cigarettes cold turkey!

You should all be so proud of yourselves! Reading this thread got me quite choked up.

I'm proud, too. Lately:
- I've done my physical therapy every day. Two years after my injury, I'm still limping and in pain, and I need to get stronger. This has become my mantra: get stronger, get stronger.
- I've been limiting my time online, trying to jumpstart my offline writing habits. I'm not doing as well as I hoped, but I expect each writing project to get easier as I chip away at it.
- The Fella and I have been planning our wedding, and I'm pleased at how much progress we've made, how simple we're keeping it, and how very little we've buckled to the expectations of others.
- I graciously but firmly stood up to my future mother-in-law, who is not used to people doing that. It was a rocky conversation, but the next day she called up to tell me how much she loves me and how happy she is for her son and me. (And I thought I had been gracious! Very impressed with her!)
- Some loved ones are having their own troubles, and since there's nothing bigger I can do, I'm making them a dinner every week, to have right away or put in the freezer. The Fella and I went over a few weeks ago and helped with a big household project; I've promised to come over next week and do chores for a day. It's small, but it's something.
- something small but big: I'm often negative and dismissive and closed-off. Recently, I decided that instead of always finding a reason to say "no," I would start using the improv standard: say "yes, and..." It's surprising how it improves my mood to assume that I'll say "yes" whenever it's reasonable.