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26 January 2009

AskMecha: So how do I cook a kidney, anyway? Last night, I was at the supermarket when I decided to . . . live dangerously! And become who I am!→[More:]

So now I'm the proud owner of a big ugly piece of beef kidney. It sits on a lower shelf of my fridge and I don't really know how to prepare it.

How does one cook a big ugly piece of beef kidney? The simpler the recipe, the better.

Many thanks in advance.

post by: jason's_planet at: 12:51 | 28 comments

Steak and kidney pie is the only kidney dish I can think of, and I've never had it, just heard of it.

Let us know how it (the kidney) is.

posted by amro 26 January | 13:15

They taste like piss no matter what you do. Sorry. This coming is from someone who eats liver, tripe, heart, tongue, and brains happily.

posted by Wolfdog 26 January | 13:26

Throw in bin. Order pizza.

posted by Specklet 26 January | 13:28

^ Best kidney recipe.

posted by Wolfdog 26 January | 13:28

Grilling the kidney will give your palate the fine tang of faintly scented urine. Or so I've read.

posted by stavrogin 26 January | 13:43

So how do I cook a kidney, anyway?

Septic embolism cooked mine.

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 26 January | 13:46

Oh for God's sake ...

posted by essexjan 26 January | 13:47

Run some beer through it first.

posted by arse_hat 26 January | 13:52

Read this, first off.

posted by mudpuppie 26 January | 14:12

Oh for God's sake ...

You don't like kidney, Jan?

posted by jason's_planet 26 January | 14:26

It's not quite as bad as liver, because it only filters piss, not shit, but it's pretty damn vile.

*makes mental note never to eat a meal cooked by j's_p*

posted by essexjan 26 January | 14:42

But I do have a recipe suggestion, in only 8 easy steps:

1. Wrap kidney in at least two plastic bags.

2. Walk outside to the trash chute.

3. Open chute.

4. Throw kidney in.

5. Allow incinerator to cook it to cinders.

6. Go back indoors.

7. Make a PB&J sandwich.

8. Enjoy!

posted by essexjan 26 January | 14:45

This is for pork kidney, but it looks (dare I say) tasty? I love Vietnamese food.

I'm a vegetarian, and one who encourages others to eat crazy/copious amounts of meat though, so what do I know?

posted by piratebowling 26 January | 15:04

They taste like piss no matter what you do. . . 7. Make a PB&J sandwich . . . Throw in bin. Order pizza.

Hmmmph. Philistines.

I am a misunderstood culinary artiste.

I'm gonna rawk out with my spatula out. You watch.

posted by jason's_planet 26 January | 15:11

Hey man if you get it right, let me know. "Steak and kidney pie" sounds so great, I want it to be that great.

posted by Wolfdog 26 January | 15:12

This is for pork kidney, but it looks (dare I say) tasty?

Yeah, it does look pretty good. And it's very simple, too. Which gives it extra special bonus points.

I don't think I'll do the short soak in boiling water, though. I'm probably going to do the long soak, like an hour or so, just to be sure. Thanks for the recipe!

From mudpuppie's link:

The urine smell is isolated in the tougher white fiber found in the innermost part of the kidney, which can easily be trimmed away.

See? It doesn't have to smell like piss. Thanks for backing up my arguments with a little bit of kitchen SCIENCE! I appreciate it.

posted by jason's_planet 26 January | 15:17

I think you're supposed to soak the kidney in milk overnight to mellow out the taste.

I do like steak and kidney pie, but I've never cooked it myself. Here's a recipe.

It's a pretty pungent taste though: I think the good thing about steak and kidney pie is that the kidney adds some character but doesn't overwhelm it.

posted by TheophileEscargot 26 January | 15:43

I'm on the edge of my seat.

serious.

posted by taz 26 January | 16:01

Paging Dr. Lecter, Dr. Lecter to the white courtesy phone.

posted by theora55 26 January | 17:27

I'm recalling that one of Ruth Reichl's books talks about going for a lunch at a Chinese place in San Francisco, and the owner/chef preparing lacy slices of kidney. The secret was extensive soaking. It was mostly notable in that the way Reichl describes it, it almost sounded good.

However, of all the food she describes, I'd still rather try the "clear chicken consomme that tasted like a thousand chickens had given their lives to make that one bowl".

Also:

.

posted by Triode 27 January | 01:07

The lack of updates is worrying. Last I heard, the kidney was calling from inside the house. You know you don't want to go into that kitchen alone, jason's_planet! Run away!

posted by taz 27 January | 01:28

"The lack of updates is worrying." I fear j_p may have been kidney punched.

posted by arse_hat 27 January | 01:42

Also:

.

_
.
.
(
waaaaaaaah

That's a deconstructed emoticon on a bed of waaaaaaah, topped with a omfg-nfw foam. Which, sadly, has gone flat under the lights.

posted by mudpuppie 27 January | 01:50

Last I heard, the kidney was calling from inside the house . . You know you don't want to go into that kitchen alone, jason's_planet! . . . I fear j_p may have been kidney punched.

No, no. I am alive and well, I promise you. No ugly hunk of bovine filtration matter is gonna get the better of me. No sir.

posted by jason's_planet 27 January | 01:51

Soooooooo???????

posted by taz 27 January | 01:53

Stay tuned.

posted by jason's_planet 27 January | 02:23

Kidney is lovely. You're all mad.
No tips on cooking it. Put it in stew. Or a pie.
Or braise it.

posted by seanyboy 27 January | 03:31

Kidney in sherry and onion sauce - my favorite pre-vegetarian recipe. Obviously use the sherry variation rather than gravy - don't forget the flour (thickens the sauce). This is a lovely, caramel-y dinner. Kidney is good for you - lots of iron. This is the only kidney recipe that does not taste like p*ss.

posted by Susurration 28 January | 18:22

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