MetaChat - Worst-ever one-hit wonders.

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02 January 2009

Worst-ever one-hit wonders. →[More:]
They were talking on the radio today about one-hit wonders, those really awful, cheesey, puerile or just plain baaad songs that for a few awful weeks were never off the radio, only, thankfully, for the performer to disappear back to the obscurity from whence they came.

Here's a few from the UK charts.

1. Fake French punk. Ugh!

2. We had joy, we had fun ... No we fucking didn't.

3. Whassa madda you? ... Whassa madda me? I'm having to listen to this crap, that's whassa madda me!

4. Where's your mama gone? ... If she's got any sense, she's disowned you.

5. Words fail me with this one. It was a MASSIVE hit in the UK.

Okay, bunnies, let's hear your worst.

post by: essexjan at: 06:31 | 36 comments

Remember that "dance hit" I want to ride my biciycle? My god, what the heck was that? Whyyyyy?

posted by dabitch 02 January | 06:40

Star Trekkin'

Uptown top ranking (Although I've a bit of a sweet spot for that particular song)

posted by seanyboy 02 January | 07:53

There's no-one quite like grandma. (shudders)

posted by seanyboy 02 January | 07:55

I love Uptown Top Ranking!

posted by essexjan 02 January | 08:22

This piece of crap...

posted by jonmc 02 January | 08:39

Oh god, jon, I was coming to post that. It's so incredibly terrible in every way. And yet, it's the song that will forever be associated with the summer of '99.

posted by muddgirl 02 January | 09:23

No, I'm sorry, but "Ça plane pour moi" is brilliant.

The rest I agree with.

Also, this abomination was a huge hit when I was in grade school, and I hated it SO MUCH. (Had never seen the video before... it's pretty nauseatingly cheesy as well.)

posted by BoringPostcards 02 January | 09:30

No, I'm sorry, but "Ça plane pour moi" is brilliant.

agreed.

posted by jonmc 02 January | 09:43

OMG, my childhood best friend loved that horrible Charlene song. I know all of the words by heart because she liked it so much. There is an equally nauseating mushy gushy song sung by a male that was popular around that time. I can't remember it. I know it has something to do with very tender lovemaking. *holds ears and screams*

I think I'm the only person that likes Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry Be Happy. I've seen it on several "worst songs ever" lists and could never understand why.

posted by LoriFLA 02 January | 09:48

Thirding the love for "Ca Plane Pour Moi". Although its video was kind of dumb. I don't think it was released in the States. I bought the 45 at a specialty store after Trouser Press raved about it.

The one I hate I hate has the line "My name is Michael, I got a nickel." or some such sung by a little kid.

posted by Ardiril 02 January | 10:13

Oh, no. I like "Don't Worry, be Happy".

posted by lysdexic 02 January | 10:20

Ok, I know there's chocolate and mint, but "Two Little Boys and California Dreaming"?

by John Denver, no less. I was hoping for more of a mix up, though.

Ok, I'll stop now. Sorry to be off topic.

posted by lysdexic 02 January | 10:29

Pachabel's Canon?

posted by stet 02 January | 10:50

Just about every song recorded before 1975 sounds like "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep Middle of the Road 1971" to me. I don't know why, it's weird.

posted by cmonkey 02 January | 10:59

This horrible version of "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by a group with maybe the dumbest band name in the history of music—Rednex.

posted by Atom Eyes 02 January | 11:08

Now I've got "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" stuck in my head. Not that that's a bad thing, I kind of like it and it's new to me, I don't think that it ever made it to this side of the pond.

posted by octothorpe 02 January | 11:23

Didn't Peter, Paul & Mary do 'Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep'?

posted by Ardiril 02 January | 11:52

This playlist of one-hit wonders on youtube has some gems. I know you wanted to know what ones we hate, but I've always had a soft spot for Pos-K and Paperboy. My time is held up extremely for cookies.

I typed "one-hit wonder" into the search box and saw Calloway and I wuz like "whut". CALLOWAY. Jeebus.

I know what I'm doing this afternoon.

posted by Eideteker 02 January | 12:06

omg temptation!

posted by Eideteker 02 January | 12:12

A couple of factual errors slipped in, Jan:
1. Plastic Bertrand is Belgian.
2. Ca Plane Pour Moi is awesome.

(In Mary-Kate and Ashley's Winning London there's a hip club near Leicester Square they go to several times that plays nothing but Ca Plane Pour Moi and is thus infinitely cooler than any real club)

posted by cillit bang 02 January | 12:31

This was everywere in 1993. And it was Dutch too. I'm so proud.

posted by jouke 02 January | 14:47

jouke, that is a splendid example of what I mean when I sometimes refer to "the techno song". I do not mean a particular song, of course, but what we would call in mathematics an equivalence class of songs, of which this is a perfect representative.

posted by Wolfdog 02 January | 14:52

More Dutch eurotrash.

posted by jouke 02 January | 14:56

I've never heard, or even heard of, most of these. Golly. I didn't even believe "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" was an actual song, I thought it was just something cmonkey was making up to describe the sound of things recorded before 1975 (which sort of made sense to me).

I did watch a couple of videos, though, and I believe I may have put my finger on the principal attraction there, not literally of course.

posted by Wolfdog 02 January | 15:01

So awful it's wonderful:

Drugs

Rocknroll

Badass Vegas hoes . . .

posted by jason's_planet 02 January | 15:24

I believe this probably qualifies.

posted by Wolfdog 02 January | 15:33

Jan, I knew even before I read the "more inside" that you would not fail me and would indeed include Joe Dolce on the list!

posted by scody 02 January | 15:47

I gotta defend Joe Dolce. If (like me) you grew up with an Italian immigrant grandmother, it warms the soul.

posted by jonmc 02 January | 16:59

1) I also love Uptown Top Ranking. It's brilliant.

2) Cillit Bang has it covered on the Plastic Bertrand front.

posted by pompomtom 02 January | 19:24

1) I am the king of the divan, and

2) Joe Dolce has a significant place in my memory, as 'Shaddap You Face' was the 7" single that was on the record player when it got stolen when I was 7.

But, a question beyond the initial scope of the thread - are one hit wonders as much of an issue now in our disposable pop world? I haven't heard of 3/4s of the top 40 now, and I don't know if it's because I'm old, I don't listen to top 40 radio enough or if they're one-hit wonders - and frankly I don't care enough to spend time on wikipedia or elsewhere looking them up. Are one-hit wonders purely a phenomena of the sold-music (as opposed to the downloaded-music) era?

posted by goo 02 January | 19:57

There was a song I used to hear back in the '80s I think, but all I remember was the chorus where the guy was "traveling in my easy chair" or something like that. Hated it. Passionatly. And whatever was Jason Mraz's first hit annoyed the heck out of me.

But then again, I must have been LoriFla's childhood friend, because I knew all the words to that Charlene song, too, and I liked it back then. I also like "Don't Worry; Be Happy". Go figure.

posted by redvixen 02 January | 20:34

Don't Worry Be Happy
Was a number one jam
Damn, if I say it you can slap me right here!

(Sorry. I think it's well established that I never pass up the chance to quote Chuck D.)

My best friend and I used to sing that Charlene song over and over again as dramatically as possible. I remember that we particularly liked to oversell the "it's that baby you're holding..that's real, that's love!" interlude in the middle. And the phrase "subtle whoring." We loved that too.

posted by jrossi4r 02 January | 21:18

So awful it's wonderful:

I have to agree. I heard this song on a DJ mix and yes, I love it.

posted by BoringPostcards 02 January | 22:40

I still say Plastic Bertrand sucks, and as I was there, working in the music business, when REAL punk music was happening, I'm looking at it with the criticism of genuine comparison, not the retro-faux-coolness it may have been given by people who weren't even born at the time.

posted by essexjan 03 January | 02:58

Plastic Bertrand was fun even back in the day.

posted by arse_hat 03 January | 03:03

There a few things less punk rock than judging something on whether it's "real" or not. Though possibly hating on the opinions of kids today would be one of them.

You're just going to have to learn to love Plastic Bertrand.

posted by cillit bang 03 January | 06:25

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