Just be yourself. That's all you can do.

I think my mother-in-law was worried that I didn't love her precious son like I should. I think she suspected I wasn't sincere in my affection. Immediately after our wedding ceremony she came up to me and said how touching it was for her that I choked up during our vows, and that it "really, really made her happy." I was faking it, lady. I'm a good actress. ;-)

Meh, 'dude lived with me, rent and bill free, for quite awhile before he got a job. And that was considered weird because I was the primary breadwinner. Of course, in college I was working three part-time jobs just to pay for school, so 'Dude was, by necessity, paying for all our entertainment expenses. But you know that relationships are about more than the bottom line.

I don't think there's any action that screams "I am not a golddigger," so yeah, be yourself.

OMG YOU GOLD DIGGER!!!!

Um every couple I know goes through cycles in which one partner is earning more than the other and so on for various reasons. The thing about being a couple is that you work together as a unit for common goals.

Hell I've even been that way with close flatmates.

Anyway definitely do not go around the house commenting on the price of things or potential resale value. Don't tell them Ivana Trump is your personal hero. Don't mention plans about extensive plastic surgery.

Basically yeah just be yourself. They'll get used to you soon enough and realize their silliness.

Portland Art Institute is not cheap. Pie's dad probably knows that, and while I have no idea how you are paying for it (none of my business), I would think that school costs could enter into his thinking. . .

That said, time is your friend here. . .the more you are around, the more he sees your wonderfulness. . .the more the other stuff will fall away.

Actually, danf, I don't mind saying. I already have a BA in anthropology. My family was dirt poor, so my first 3 years were all grants and scholarships. The rest was student loans.

Basically, I don't have to take any gen ed classes, which means I enter as a sophomore into a three year program. (Roughly only 2 years to pay for.) So, some loans and working through school. Expensive, yes. Anything Pie has to pay for, no. He did cosign the first student loan, but I'll be paying my own rent and such for the duration.

On another note...it's really weird to go from being a major care taker to being taken care of. Pie is doing so much for me in so many other ways...really, I think the best thing is just being good to him. His dad will get it eventually, right?

I know what you mean, sakura. I'm working full-time right now to support 'Dude while he gets his masters degree, but next semester I'll be going to school while Andy gets a job. I'm already feeling a little anxious about being the one on a stipend.

Um every couple I know goes through cycles in which one partner is earning more than the other and so on for various reasons. The thing about being a couple is that you work together as a unit for common goals.

Hell I've even been that way with close flatmates.

quoted for truth. that's just how it goes. and in this economy anything you can do to further your education is a good thing, if you can manage it. it'll make you that much more competitive.

His dad will get it eventually, right?

If he doesn't it's his loss.

His dad will get it eventually, right?

None of us have any way of knowing that!

The important thing is that you and Pie get it, and that you're good to each other.

And here's something I've learned the hard way from past relationships: For the first few years, it's really best to simply ignore the parents. I mean, not ignore them, but don't factor them into your feelings or plans. It's not about them, it's about you. You've got to build something on your own, apart from them, for it to ever really work.

After awhile, they'll adapt.

sakura, the only reason I mentioned that was that we looked into that for Daughter. As it turns out, she is going to a state school but we are paying out-of-state tuition for stuff that is probably not as good as Portland Art Institute.

I am really glad you get to go there!

No worries danf! I'm glad I get to go, too. It was a really weird series of events that even made it possible for me. A whole "who can say what is good and what is bad" thing, like the a really awesome "perfect storm" without the irritating cliche. I've been asked the same question maybe a dozen times. :) Maybe I should just say "It's a fluke!" and pull a random fish from my drawers. Somehow, the short answer doesn't seem as compelling...

man, I think it's bedtime...I'm getting silly. lol

"Just be yourself. That's all you can do." Best advice you could get.

"His dad will get it eventually, right?" Most likely, but if not so what? Don't worry about things beyond your control. I mean the earth could be hit by a meteor and we could all die but so what? I can't do anything about that.

I think my mother-in-law was worried that I didn't love her precious son like I should. I think she suspected I wasn't sincere in my affection. Immediately after our wedding ceremony she came up to me and said how touching it was for her that I choked up during our vows, and that it "really, really made her happy." I was faking it, lady. I'm a good actress. ;-)

OMG I've just realised something about my own wedding. My now mother-in-law gave me a pack of tissues the night before the wedding. I didn't use them.

Just go on with your lives and make each other happy - his dad can't complain about that.

Jump in and do the dishes a few times without anyone asking and you'll be golden.

I don't think there's any action that screams "I am not a golddigger," so yeah, be yourself.
The first thing to make people wonder about your motivations would be coming off as false. They'll either figure out your awesomefulness by themselves, or they won't. There's nothing you can do to alter that except let them get to know you.

My partner's mother hated me even before she met me (older, baggage, balding ...), but she eventually came around to the belief that I was much too good for her daughter. Which is worse than what you are experiencing, so be careful what you wish for.

What's cool is that Pie has been my friend for a while, so he met my mom on a road trip before we started dating. They shared the back seat most of the way. It was totally no pressure for him.

My Dad was won over easily with a pic of my Pie in a suit.

Is it really common to have parents pull the "Golddigger" thing? This is not the first time that I've gone through this, despite having generally been the consistently employed breadwinner in my relationships. My last BF accused me of this because he had "POTENTIAL" to make good money. He was a cashier in the college cafeteria. (I don't need your money, hon. But I expect you'll me sneaking me whole chocolate cakes from the freezer.:D)Really, I've got a good sense of humor about it. I'm just curious if most women have the same issue. (Also men being accused of gigolo behaviour.)

Aww, sakura, don't let it spoil the great time in your life. Be yourself is a good piece of advice.

My MIL and her ilk are pieces of work, and this may or may not apply - there was a large history of divorce in my husband's family. His Mother & Father, and both his siblings. So when I came along, I don't think anyone thought I would last. And at one point she begged us not to reproduce. No that we will, or ever planned to, she was just stressed from thinking of all the grandchildren she already helped with/supported for a time. So. Family history may or may not have something to do with the reaction. It has nothing to do with you.

I was never accused of gold-digging, even though I married "up" a bit - but they did in secret and still might call me "Candy Ass." Which was/is meant to imply I don't carry my weight in the family.

Gosh if candyass wasn't an even worse internet sign-on than rainbaby. . .