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27 November 2008

Cranky filter (part I) -- What makes you cranky? [More:]

(1) People on public transit who don't seem to realize that they are responsible for managing the space taken up by their giant bag or backpack, said appendage wacking hapless people repeatedly as they turn, walk, exist.

(2) People who dump a pile of trash or packing materials or some other useless pile of detritus on the side of a city street, basically saying, here, I'm making this pile of trash someone else's problem. And the sad thing is eventually it is someone else's problem, and it gets carted away.
People who don't use turn signals or who wait until they're actually in the middle of the turn to use them. Yes, even pedestrians need to know if you're planning on turning, especially if you're about to turn right the fuck into them.

Also, what you said.
posted by elizard 27 November | 00:44
- Both of those things.

- People who reply to questions about housing law in Mississauga, Ontario, with statements beginning "If Ontario is like the United States..." Canada has its own laws. You are not helping, you are confusing matters and adding irrelevant noise to the thread. Maybe if no one has responded in a day or so, you can add your non-helpful trivia enlightening us all about laws where you live, but for now, why not wait for even an HOUR to see if someone who actually *can* help will come along.

- When I open a door to enter an establishment and a dozen people stream out, forcing me to stand by and wait with the door in my hand, and then not thanking or even acknowledging me for holding the door for them.
posted by loiseau 27 November | 00:45
Honestly, the informal Thanksgiving service at my church tonight made me cranky, for a number of reasons I will share now if for no other reason than I have no other good outlet for this line of complaints:

*Weeknight church services generally make me cranky because I have to rush from work to get there and I hate to rush.
*The pastor's (adorable) toddler gabbed his head off during the entire service and no one bothered to try and stop him. Of course, you can't stop a child that age (almost 2) from making noise. THAT'S WHY YOU LEAVE THEM AT HOME. Or at least in another room. Other people's children are the best birth control.
*Any sermon that vears into "things used to be good and our current society is ruining it" territory gets on my NERVES. My pastor is usually not like that, but tonight was too close for comfort.
*Participation in the part where everybody goes around and says what they're thankful for was required- we went around in a circle. I despise forced participation in feeling-sharing exercises. That's when I was really like, OH GOOD GRIEF I SHOULD HAVE JUST STAYED HOME IN MY UNDERWEAR.
*Many people use their time not to say what they were thankful, but to summarize what a terrible year they've had. Umm, ok, thanks for sharing, happy Thanksgiving.
*The cheese pie was dry.

And to piggyback what was said above, I hate when people on public transit get all pissy when you push onto a bus that's already full. Guess what, jerk, the bus is ALREADY full, and one more person isn't going to kill you. Don't like it, take a cab. It's the day before Thanksgiving, and if I try to wait for a bus with room to spare, I'll be standing here forever. Survival of the fittest! I must look out for myself! Suck it in!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 27 November | 00:48
People who walk inordinately slowly in public and also in the middle of the aisle/sidewalk/stairway such that I CANNOT GET AROUND THEM AND OMf'ingG I HAVE PLACES TO BE, PEOPLE, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY.
posted by occhiblu 27 November | 00:49
Nothing makes me cranky. I'm one with the universe and all that dwells within it but if I did get cranky it might be due to one or more of the following:

1. First-generation drivers. And young drivers who spent their youth plugged into MP3 players and video games and get behind the wheel for the first time in driver's ed class. The driver's education system is not geared towards these people.

2. People who lack situational awareness (see #1). The holidays are the best time to observe these creatures as they block narrow store aisles with their carts or chat with a clerk and pay with a check while 75 people fume behind them. They wander down the mall drifting from one side to the other like a NASCAR driver protecting his lead. They make insane moves with their cars because, dammit, they need to go that way and can't think of any other option but to head the vehicle in that direction.

3. Check writers. When will they all die or be assimilated? I think they are the primary drag on the economy at present. The country crawls to a halt while some blue-haired lady takes the entire afternoon to fill out a check for $2.89. Then the evening is shot while she loads the 17 purses and wallets back into the main purse.

posted by trinity8-director 27 November | 01:00
People who answer their cellphones in libraries.

People who drive with their ear buds plugged into an ipod/mp3 player.
posted by special-k 27 November | 02:03
Some variations:
1. People who walk slowly in public areas and who can't walk in a straight line. I don't care how slow you walk, just walk straight so I can dodge around you, you inconsiderate fuck!
2. People who lack situational awareness - if you are going to suddenly change direction while walking, take a fucking look around you so I don't have to almost walk over the top of you, you inconsiderate fuck!
3. Drivers who toddle along at 10k under the speed limit until there is an overtaking lane, then speed up to stop me passing. One day I'm going to snap - I have a bull bar on my car and I'm not afraid to use it, you inconsiderate fuck!
4. People who don't give up their seat on the train to someone who deserves it (old, pregnant, injured etc). Would it kill you to stand up for 30 minutes, you inconsiderate fuck? You might be able to wobble away some of that lard you're carrying around.
5. People who feel they deserve someone to give them their seat, but who won't sit in the vacant seats that they don't like because they have to rub legs with a stranger. Guess what? I'm not giving up my seat just so you can sit somewhere more desirable, you self-centred fuck!
6. Actually, almost everything makes me cranky, so the above is just the top 5 for today. I'm a cranky old fuck!
posted by dg 27 November | 03:31
occhiblu, I know - I want to kick those people's heels until they fall on their butt!
posted by By the Grace of God 27 November | 07:42
Oh! Oh! And another thing! The propagation of the idea that the average shmo on the street's opinion on any subject is just as valid as that of some silly expert who only spent years studying the subject.

Ned the Newscaster: But will offshore drilling help with the current oil crisis? We turned to you for answers. Sally?
Sally Street Interviewer: Hi, Ned. I'm here talking to Ralph outside the Starbuck's downtown. Ralph works at a call centre for Inane Industries. Ralph, should we expand domestic oil drilling?
Random Ralph: Well, it cost me a lot to get to work today, so yeah, we should be using our own oil. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Sally: And there you have it, Ned.
Ned: And the results of our online poll are in, and 73 percent of you feel we should be expanding our domestic oil drilling. So there you have it.

There we have what, precisely, Neddy Numbnuts? What the fuck does your poll have to do with anything? How 'bout you take some of that poll-management budget and a few bucks from the random-interview kitty and spend it bringing in someone who actually knows a thing or two about energy or oil or environmental effects of such activities, hmm? Just a fucking suggestion, but that might actually be, y'know, informative.
posted by elizard 27 November | 09:24
elizard, I'm with you on the person-in-the-street interviews, especially since a local station tried to rope me into one many years ago:

The reporter stopped me as I walked to work and asked how I felt about [Zany Club Name]. I replied that I'd never heard of [Zany Club Name].

The cameraman cut filming while the reporter informed me in somewhat overwrought terms that it was a topless club proposed to open a block from my place of work, that some residents and business owners had organized prevent its opening by changing the zoning, that a topless club would have a devastating affect on the neighborhood (a block, mind you, mostly housing bars), and a slathering of scary scary fear-media nonsense.

Then they turned the camera back on and asked me my opinion. I said again, "I don't know anything about [Zany Culb Name], except what you just told me, and I don't know how much of that is accurate and how much is nonsense."

Oddly enough, they did not use my interview.
posted by Elsa 27 November | 09:45
*shakes Elsa's hand*

My informal poll shows that one out of one of the random people on the street who won't make uninformed comments won't be seen on the news.
posted by elizard 27 November | 09:53
When my husband or kids put dishes inside the sink instead of next to the sink. If you're not going to put them in the dishwasher, please stack them next to the sink. I'd rather have dishes covering every inch of counter space than in the sink. When they're in the sink, things go to hell quickly.

When I hear the garbage trucks outside and I know that my husband did not take out the garbage.

This morning:

My dog digs in the rose bed and jumps into bed with us. Dirty paws on my sheets and my white quilt that I just washed this week. KILL KILL KILL!

I made one batch of pumpkin squares last night. I was going to make another this morning. I left two sticks of butter and a package of cream cheese on the counter to soften overnight. Husband put the cream cheese back in the fridge last night while I was sleeping. Why put the cream cheese back but not the butter? Huh?? I should have told him what I was doing but I felt a mild amount of rage this morning when I discovered I would not be making more pumpkin squares. Cream cheese takes forever to soften. DUMB DUMB DUMB!

Youngest kid comes to me and says, "Mommy, Goldie spilled a drink on your Christmas stuff." The reality is kid left a yogurt smoothie on my dining room table last night (the rule is no drinks or food allowed in this area. My rules are followed half of the time). It's not a "drink", it's steaming yogurt all over a moss centerpiece and dripping down the center where the leaf goes. WHY WHY WHY?
posted by LoriFLA 27 November | 10:24
posted by By the Grace of God 27 November | 10:38
1) My hypertrophied self-righteousness.
2) My abject paranoia.
3) That old lady on the bus line who shoves you while you're already getting out of her way, so that you fall off the curb into the bus driver, who condescendingly tells you to relax and please stand in line, and would you let the lady pass? and her grown son, who follows close on her heels scowling like you did something wrong by standing on line and accepting her shove, and you just want to lean in and whisper "Listen up, man," and then bite his ear off and spit a gout of his blood all over his mom's church hat, but of course then you would actually deserve all the nasty feelings coming your way, maybe you should just give up and beat the hell out of everyone you see until the cops come take you down like a rabid dog and the old lady and her son watch detectives poke you until the bus pulls out and the driver welcomes them to Trailways, and as your soul begins its descent the driver announces that the DVD player's on the fritz so there'll be no Matchstick Men today, and the old lady raises her voice to demand something from someone and you're off to your reward knowing that some people are more miserable than hell, which is a real relief, I tell you what.
posted by Hugh Janus 27 November | 11:05
I hate forced sharing at public events. And forced hugging. Shudder.

I hate hate hate hate when the kids leave dishes in the sink instead of by the side of the sink. Because then you can't use the sink, and you're basically forced to deal with all the dishes then and there to fill up a tea kettle. Or what LoriFLA said. (Happily, now that Chris has moved out, no dishes in the sink!!! Yay!!!)

"Lacking situational awareness" is a great description for so many irritating behaviors.

Here's one -- the person who goes through the security gate at the airport, collects their shoes etc., and right there in the middle of person traffic starts putting on their shoes.

posted by Claudia_SF 27 November | 12:10
Oh, and sometimes I think I am just way too old and cranky to read AskMe. Or at least certain categories. Everyone seems 22 and solipsistic (right word?) and clueless and highly irritating.
posted by Claudia_SF 27 November | 12:23
Hugh, you are a very good writer.
posted by By the Grace of God 27 November | 12:38
Thank you, By the Grace of God. You know I admire you like crazy and I hope your stuffy head goes away (not the head, the stuffiness).

Juice of one half lemon, wee dram of Scotland's finest, hot water to fill mug, honey to taste; you'll feel better immediately.
posted by Hugh Janus 27 November | 12:52
Well, what's making me cranky at the moment is that the battery in my laptop has died, so it only lasts about 15 minutes. Now, the two hours of "me time" I have while on the train has been divided into a small section where I can catch up with my peeps here and longer periods spent starting out the window. If I worked in the real world, I could just buy a battery on my corporate card, but I work in the public service, so it's going to take fuck knows how long.
posted by dg 27 November | 15:43
Every single dentist who helped in the invention and application of these weirdo inside-of-my-teeth braces that no dentist will ever remove and I've been stuck with since I was 12 years old. My toungue rests on the annoying clunky spiral metal band every day, feeling the bumps of glue, getting agitated at the slightest hint of tartar and every piece of corn, nut, apple skin, raisin, popcorn, orange juice pulp and a thousand other types of food that will get stuck there, underneath the metal band, and takes hours to remove with strange mini-tootbrush-toothpick widgets. Because every so often, the glue will pop off from a corner, or the middle and the somewhat tolerably 'smoothish' area is suddenly a very sharp piece of metal that jabs into my toungue every chance it gets, making me salivate profusly and curse all dentists that were ever born as I count my pennies to make yet another appointment even though I really can't afford it and was trying to save up for some other dental hygiene fun, like fix the broken back tooth I have or get new fillings where one fell out. aaargh.
posted by dabitch 27 November | 16:30
also, holy shit I'm either one of LoriFLA's kids or her husband. *gets dishes out of sink pronto*
posted by dabitch 27 November | 16:33
Wait, you have braces inside your teeth? You mean on the back side of them, facing into your mouth?
posted by unsurprising 27 November | 17:16
I wasn't going to post coz I'm so late to the thread but after this morning I have to say that my new top crank-making item is..

Old people who block the aisle in the supermarket with their carts whilst they take 15 minutes to decide what margarine to buy who then give you a filthy look when you (with a big smile) very sweetly ask them if you can just squeeze through. Who then do the exact same thing three aisles down and AGAIN in dairy. Who then eventually get to the checkout and proceed to make nasty remarks about "foreigners" in clear hearing of the staff and customers(smooth, guys - we're one of the most diverse areas of Sydney - you've just pissed of 90% of everyone around you).

And who clog the ramp to the carpark and move at the speed of a glacier and THEN completely top off the day by making a variety of OMGJEWISHCONSPIRACY remarks about the shopping chain they've just used.

You arrogant, patronising, condescending, ignorant old fucks....rudeness of the younger generation my rosy red arse.

posted by ninazer0 27 November | 17:54
yup, unsurprising, a sadistic poking nasty old steel wire is glued to the back of my teeth to keep them from tipping over and front and looking like a fan or whatever they keep telling me will happen if I remove the dang thing (I have begged dentists to get rid of it, more frequently every year - my god I'll be hitting 40 with braces!). When I got it, they didn't inform me that they'll never take it away. It's a pain in the teeth (heh) and I blame all my tartar and odd discoloring on this nasty steel glue crap because I only get it there. I'm one of the lucky ones, I have friends that have it on both top and bottom rows, and are also stuck with it for life.
posted by dabitch 27 November | 18:42
I'm cranky because i don't have a girlfriend and I hate dating.
posted by joelf 27 November | 18:46
Sometimes when old people are rude to me I tell them I know for a fact that their parents taught them better manners.

When I was a kid of about ten I shushed two blue-haired old ladies for whispering at the symphony.
posted by Hugh Janus 27 November | 19:03
I had the same thing, dabitch. Bottom six front teeth Couldn't get anyone to take them off. I did it myself finally with a small screwdriver. It wasn't all in one session, mind, just "oh, let's move this wire a bit to get at the stuff stuck on, then move it back." It took a few months as I recall. I got scolded a bit when I went to get my teeth cleaned a few years later, but there wasn't much they could do.

I don't know if they still do it today, unsurprising, but the theory was that this was a retainer put in so my teeth wouldn't get crooked again. They're slightly off but who cares? There was also a removable one I was supposed to wear at night for all time but that got lost two decades ago.

My cranky: I've got mayo in my hair because of the Lice Problem. At least I have lots of Press n' Seal to keep it all up and out of my face. Good thing my hair's shorter now. Bah.

Also, arguments that I don't actually have to be in - you know, where the other person has already decided what you're going to say and then responds to that before you can say 'what?' Do I really need to be here for this? Could I send a sub? Do you just need a picture or a voodoo doll? I've got shit to do.
posted by lysdexic 27 November | 23:31
Waking up at stupid o'clock just because I went to bed early and my body's done sleeping. *shakes fist at body*
posted by elizard 28 November | 06:20
Axl Rose vs. Dr. Pepper; 50 Cent vs. Taco Bell || Cranky filter (part II) -- OMG I'm so cranky