Whenever someone graduates from something, I always say "congraduations."

I guess that's better than "pederast".

Someone I worked with was a quite a prolific malapropist. Another person I work with dutifully recorded many of them. Naturally he's quite OCD. If you tried to correct her she'd either swear she was right, say "that's what I said", or "whatever." She's been retired for a few years, and nothing wants to be dislodged from my brain at this moment. I'd have to get a peek at the master list, and I won't be back at work for a couple weeks.

One of the funniest things she ever said was "I need to go home and pluck my Schnauzer", which naturally isn't a malapropism, but it made us all laugh just the same.

My favorite malapropism is when someone asked me to pass the butter and I said "Congraduations you Schnauzer pestering pedarast!"

It was Thanksgiving. I just can't believe it's the holiday season again.

Not quite the same but . . . When I was in grad school, the word pedagogy was used quite often in discussing early childhood education, but in my thoughts, it always sounded like pederasty. It's a silliness that just got stuck in my head. I think it's an ADHD thing. Thankfully, I never made the mistake of pronouncing the mistake.

eekacat, I'm definitely using that as the excuse-du-jour: "Sorry, I can't make it to your sociopath brat's birthday. I have to pluck my Schnauzer."

Monkeybutter,

Unfortunately this sort of mistake sometimes has bad consequences.

Pediatrician mistaken for pedophile

I had a friend who used to refer to people's idiotsyncrasies. I still use it.

idiotsyncrasies

OMG. I'll be using that one...

My mom AND my partner are both malapropists extraordinaire, so sometimes it's a conscious struggle with me to remain connected to the actual English language. (Luckily their malapropisms never match each other, or I'm pretty sure I'd be pulled right through the looking glass.)

My somewhat dingy but loveable cousin would always refer to her... backside as her "spankster". It wasn't until years later I finally figured out she thought that was how you pronounced SPHINCTER.

To quote Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Me and my hemogoblins are gonna sit this one out.

My ex had a macro-dyslexic way of swapping words in a phrase that ended up changing the meaning entirely. When commenting that a choice had two equal outcomes by meaning to way "it's six of one and a half dozen of the other" she would say it as "it's half of one and six dozen of the other".

I had a French girlfriend who would say things like, "that business went bankrot," and "would you please pose the video."

My college roommate was a master. He would never complexicate things. He gave us gems like "hovitate". But then, he was Pennsylvania Dutch, and came from a family that would say things like "throw me down the stairs my hat."