Do the crime, pay the time.

I like that she doesn't want to be disturbed from reading her Bible. Because Jesus would have been all, "Fuck you, I keep it now, you little punks."

Christ, she's old enough that her daughter is in a nursing home, buy another ball and leave her alone.

She is a crabby old lady but theft? Really?

"Get off my lawn, you punks" "No, put the ball down first!

Strange. She's cranky and the neighbors are asses... But petty theft? What if someone put a fruit basket on your doorstep, and you ate the fruit, then they came over all "gimmee my fruit back, thief!!"? Would you be arrested for petty theft? I mean if someone keeps putting something on your property, it seems like it's not theft if you keep it.

After reading the police report...Christ. WTF is wrong with the complainant? It's a freaking FOOTBALL. Stop throwing it on her lawn.

This is why we have police. Because some things need intervention.

The neighbor who called the cops on her is 40 years old. Keep your dumb shit kids off the old lady's lawn, asshole.

Also, cops? You're assholes, too. I'm surprised they didn't taser her.

The old lady? Cranky, sure. But when you reach your 88th year on the planet and some teenage douchebags refuse to keep their shit off your lawn and let you read your bible, or whatever, in peace, you're allowed to be a bit cranky. Cantankerous, even. I suppose if she'd had chased them off with a broom, the jerk next door would have tried to charge her with assault and battery.

Twenty bucks says that dude's a McCain supporter.

We'd never dream of asking for our ball back, 'cause that lady in the haunted mansion was rumored to have a shotgun.