umm Beer monkey.

I'd be happy if my monkey could make me a perfect cup of coffee and bring it to me in bed. Preferably first thing in the morning. I'm not sure, though, if monkeys can tell the time, so it might be hit and miss until it learned. I'd have to rig the kettle so it would give the monkey a shock if it touched it before 7am, and a treat if it got the time right.

i'm forever reminding my mother that a monkey won't do the dishes so much as masturbate and throw poo.