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23 September 2008

Stupid wedding questions ... involving the maid of honor.[More:]For those who haven't been following along, I'm the clueless bride. So this page says that the maid of honor is supposed to hold the groom's ring AND my bouquet AND her bouquet AND fix my train when necessary. How is this humanly possible? My maid of honor only has two hands - did I choose unwisely?
I think the best man is supposed to be in charge of the groom's ring.
posted by brujita 23 September | 22:57
No, seeing as you're kind of limited to 0, 1 or 2 hands, really, you've probly not chosen unwisely. *grin*

What happens is that she gets your bouquet during the ceremony when you want your hands free and her bouquet gets handed off to the next bridal attendant down when she needs a hand free. You may or may not want her to adjust your train after you're positioned to complete your ceremony.

Often, the groom hangs on to either both rings or just the groom's ring. If the maid of honor holds your ring she can wear the ring, pin it to the bouquet (when possible) or just hold it in her hands.

When you're done, you'll turn to go back down the aisle with your bouquet and she'll can adjust your train. She'll then retrieve her bouquet (if she's given it up) and they're off to the races!

Mostly, once you've got your ceremony sorted, you can figure out when it's important to you to have your train look perfect and when you want your attendants to look perfect. The logistics kind of sort themselves out.
posted by oreonax 23 September | 23:22
So this page says that the maid of honor is supposed to hold the groom's ring AND my bouquet AND her bouquet AND fix my train when necessary. How is this humanly possible?

Wait, what? Your MOH didn't grow a third hand after you bestowed upon her the honor of attending you? Sheesh, some friend she is.

Okay, let's try a thought experiment. The following assumes you have a fairly standard procession:

She can fix your train before she precedes you down the aisle. She won't have a chance to align your train after that, but presumably you'll be pretty much on a straight-away, right, with little chance to ensnare your train?

She can hold her own bouquet (if any) as she walks down the aisle.

She can hold onto the groom's ring (the ring you'll put on the groom's finger) (again, if any) until she hands it over to you. That might be before the procession, or it might be at the altar, whatever you decide. Keep in mind that she needn't hold it in her hand or tuck it in a pocket; she can just slip it onto a finger or her thumb until the hand-off, unless you're superstitious about someone other than your husband having worn the ring for a few moments.

She can hand you the ring, take your bouquet, and hold both your and her bouquets until the vow exchange is over. You probably don't want her poking at your train during the vow exchange, anyway. (It's cool if you do! Not judging!)

I don't suppose she needs to do all those things at once, unless you're getting married, say, in freefall. Which would be awesome.
posted by Elsa 23 September | 23:37
I have been a maid of honor, and fixed a train while holding both bouquets. No sweat. Holding the groom's ring probably wouldn't have killed me, either. So, I imagine your MOH could do the same thing. Unless I'm just freakishly strong and amazing in my maid power. Which is possible! ::flexes and poses::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 23 September | 23:40
My mother recently advised me how nice it was that her own bridesmaids had floral baskets that hung over their wrists, so they could keep their hands free to help her out. I was all "whatevs, Mom," though I do like it when people do my bidding.

My own Best Woman has proven her friendship beyond doubt: she offered to wear a clown suit.
posted by Elsa 23 September | 23:42
I think the underlying answer is that most bouquets can easily be held in a single hand. And while I realize that the bride's bouquet is probably larger than the bridesmaids' bouquets, unless you're planning on carrying a dozen birds of paradise mixed with a dozen cactus leaves, she can still probably hold both your and her bouquets in one hand, and still retain use of most of her fingers.
posted by occhiblu 23 September | 23:53
unless you're planning on carrying a dozen birds of paradise mixed with a dozen cactus leaves

And it's cool if you are! Not judging!
posted by Elsa 24 September | 00:00
And it's cool if you are! Not judging!

Exactly! It's just that if you are, then in that case, you do need the maid of honor to grow the third hand.

But you've still got time, don't panic.
posted by occhiblu 24 September | 00:01
Definitely hand stuff off to the bridesmaids. They have nothing better to do.
posted by Ardiril 24 September | 00:03
I am suddenly determined to have our ceremony in parachutes, with my three-handed Best Woman shielding my spiny and towering bouquet from the forces of free-fall. While, of course, she wears the clown suit. (Will the additional drag of the floppy shoes interfere with her descent?)

Wow, wedding planning is a lot easier than I thought.
posted by Elsa 24 September | 00:12
Hee! Make sure she also takes photos and video at the same time.
posted by taz 24 September | 00:13
I assume the video camera will lodge securely in her clown wig.
posted by Elsa 24 September | 00:15
I held the Bride's bouquet, the flower girls basket and my own bouquet and fixed her train before she walked down the aisle - BUT I totally messed up when returning the bouquet, handed her mine and she discreetly pointed to hers - the slight difference being in how the ribbon was tied to them. So my advice is choose a bouquet that looks much different PLEASE! :)
posted by dabitch 24 September | 06:13
You guys rock. I forwarded this thread to my MOH. I think I'll have the best man hold the rings. We have a small wedding party so there is only the best man and the MOH.

dabitch, our bouquets are different colors so that shouldn't be a problem.

Man, I am so anxiety-ridden that I momentarily forgot how to tie my shoe today.
posted by desjardins 24 September | 08:12
oh, and the bouquets are just roses tied off with a silver ribbon.
posted by desjardins 24 September | 08:13
desjardins, as The Fella and I gear up for the wedding-planning process, I've been looking over old AskMe questions, and from a question you posted, it looks like you started planning the most basic elements of this shindig in March of this year.

I can't tell you how encouraging that is to see! People have been telling me "You must allow at least a year for planning!" and I'm thinking "...really? Why?"

With your example, I suddenly feel much more sanguine about this, and can smile beatifically at anyone who hassles us.
posted by Elsa 24 September | 09:15
A friend's father read that the father of the groom should make sure his ring is loose enough to remove and use as a substitute in case of emergency.

Sure enough, the maid of honor lost the ring somewhere between the grassy staging area outside the chapel and the altar. Dad was ready though.

Everyone at the wedding spent about an hour looking for the ring until we had to leave because the next wedding party had arrived.

They never found the ring.

And the organist fainted during the "here comes the bride" song and collapsed on the keyboard. I thought it was an unusual arrangement.
posted by StickyCarpet 24 September | 10:05
Elsa - I think I started looking at ideas in March, but we didn't book a place until late April/early May, and then the roller-coaster began. The people who tell you that you need a year are referring to the fact that most halls book up a year or two in advance - IF you do a Saturday wedding between May - September. If you're outside of that range (ours is in September, duh, but it's Sunday), you're OK. After you book the hall, I wouldn't say the rest is EASY, but it can be done in a short amount of time. The next biggest timesuck is ordering a dress and waiting for it to ship, then having multiple fittings.

Stickycarpet - my fiance wears a size 8.5 ring. My dad wears - no joke - a size 16. Oh, you said groom's dad. Well, he's not married, so no ring. Maybe the best man's?
posted by desjardins 24 September | 19:29
Actually. the father's in law ring ended up on the bride. It was her ring that was lost. Aside from some brief fumbling and a whisper, it wasn't noticeable.
posted by StickyCarpet 25 September | 11:39
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