How old are you?

39. (No, really. I'm not Jack Benny.)

"I'm too old to be young, and too young to be old."

Welcome. To. My. World.

(be thankful you don't have a ton of young people as co-workers. All that dewy-eyed idealism and naivete can be a royal pain in the ass)

I am constantly aging. I will go on aging after I'm dead, but by that point I probably won't give it much thought.

Melismata, I'm right behind you: I turn 39 in a few weeks. And we are going to party like it's 1939!

Wait, that doesn't sound right.

Anyhow... I've loved my thirties, right from my 30th birthday. Obviously, what works for me won't work for everyone, but I'm always mindful that:
- age bears direct relevance on a very small subset of daily activities. It's just not that defining.
- aging is better than the alternative.
- in my thirties, I became who I am. I stopped worrying so much about pleasing others and making statements, and unwound into myself.
- almost everyone I know is a combination of little kid and crotchety oldster, no matter their calendar age. I'm no different.

Certainly, there are undeniable physical effects of aging (that's part of the "small subset" mentioned above), but even there, I find my physical problems are from (as we say in archaeology) "events, not processes"; that is, so far, my ailments spring from accidents, not aging. The same is probably more-or-less correct for most people at 39.

This mindset lets me rack up bithdays with a certain insouciance. I'm waving hello to 39, not waving it off.

At the risk of being a bummer: one thing that cemented this "aging is good" philosophy in my mind was my first partner's death in his (our) late 20s. He never got to be this old. I did. Lucky me!

[Sorry --- was this an "encouragement" thread, or a "feel my pain" thread?]

Elsa--both! :) Another thing you and I have in common, in addition to making homemade bread--I had the same thing happen with a partner who died at age 29. Thanks for the "encouragement". :)

The sucky part about being in your 40's is how all the stuff you really used to get hacked about comes across as utter silliness now.

(i.e. Your Favorite Band Sucks!, That Movie Blows!, etc.)

I understand about the "tween" feeling though. I have some folks I perform with regularly who I want to shake until their skulls rattle from how apathetic and somwhow entitled they appear simultaneously.

... all you youngsters ... GET OFF MY LAWN!

I've found the problem too -- I had less vacation time than I thought I did, so I had to use sick time for the last 18 hours of last week. I now have ZERO vacation time for a while, and not much sick. Crap.

I remember turning 29 and having trouble with that. Not even turning 30 - it was turning 29 that had me nervous and uptight. Could not figure that out at all. When I turned 40, I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. Weird, right? I like myself so much better at this age (I'll be 42 in a few weeks) that I wish I could have had this confidence in my 20's. I honestly don't feel like I'm in "middle-age" - I'm much too young. Though I do have those "get off my lawn" days a bit more often, I've found.

Melismata, I now recall you mentioning your late partner a couple of weeks again. Yeah, I do think that event set me up to age more gracefully --- in my head, anyway!

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Aaaaaaand there's the other thing that makes age seem less consequential than it otherwise might: from about 25 on, most of my good friends have been 8 or 10 or 15 years older, so I got to see their fascinating, enviable lives take shape.

I'm not shrugging off the remark about being stuck between young and old. Like jonmc, I spend most of my day with substantially younger people, and sometimes there's a big gap. But in many cases, I think the gap is personal, not generational: if I were 20, or they were 38, we still wouldn't have much in common.

I did just glance up at the TV and say to The Fella, "I'm old enough so I don't understand people's haircuts. That [points at TV] just looks silly to me."

almost everyone I know is a combination of little kid and crotchety oldster, no matter their calendar age. I'm no different.

hee! indeedy so. I'll also be 40 in a couple weeks. I am considerably fitter, stronger and healthier than I was at 20, although I admit I do work very hard at that.

Honestly the only major traumas I've had in life have been pretty much self-inflicted. Hopefully I've been smart enough to learn. I've recently re-engaged with a couple with whom I haven't been in touch since before I left my partner of ten years. They mentioned I was a lot easier to be around. I don't think it's so much aging as maturity and hopefully perspective (which can strike at any age). So this may sound cheesy but what the heck: for this I honestly have to credit the MeFi / MeCha community / crowd of intellectuals for forcing me to challenge some of my former bitter misanthropic viewpoints and antisocial behaviour.

I think in contrast to jonmc (who admittedly does not have the luxury of choosing his colleagues as I choose my clients, plus he must spend considerably more time around them) that I actually do really look forward to spending time each week with my college-age coaching clients. I find that being around them re-energizes me and restores my optimism. I'm also constantly impressed by how resourceful and intelligent they are.

Maybe that's because I try not to have too many expectations of them, though.

One of the most profound things I read recently on MeFi was (I think from hermitosis?) a comment in some relationship trainwreck or other that was along the lines of "No one on earth has the right to be happy... You might just remain single for the rest of your life... None of us are entitled to wealth, good looks, a fancy house, a beautiful partner... etc." I'm paraphrasing, and his comment was a lot more articulate than that. However, I honestly believe that once one latches onto this concept (and believe me, it is far less depressing than you'd think), and you finally MAKE PEACE with those ideas? Somehow a lot of the anxious critical voices-in-your-head deal just goes away, and it's easier to actually focus on what you genuinely care about.

I think in contrast to jonmc (who admittedly does not have the luxury of choosing his colleagues as I choose my clients, plus he must spend considerably more time around them) that I actually do really look forward to spending time each week with my college-age coaching clients. I find that being around them re-energizes me and restores my optimism.

Well, there's the key. After awhile, the whole our-good-vibes-and-optimism-will-solve-the-worlds-problems wears thin with me, but that's because I'm exposed to it all the time (and to be fair, the whole there's-no-hope cynicism of the oldsters I work ith wears thin, too). I know I recomend him a lot, but I'd advise reading Richard price's latest novel Lush Life

since this is a major theme therien.

I found the period from 28 to my early 40's full of new things and new energy. I had some experience with life and the confidence not to care about a lot of image things. Women both younger and older were always after me. Shortly after Rosemary and I met we were out one day and I ran into two former students and then a friends mom. Later in the day she said "you realize I have to kill all of them right?"

Work was just easier than it ever was. I could do what I needed to do and say fuck you to the things that were just not for me.

The last few years I've been a long way away from that kind of confidence and feel absolutely no connection with most other people but that has nothing to do with age.

I'm not sure whether it is because I've finally grown up or because age really does bring wisdom, but I feel better about my life right now than I have ever felt in the past (which makes me suspect that a big disaster is looming - in a "light at the end of the tunnel could be a muzzle flash" kind of way). For the past few years, I've just felt comfortable in my skin, despite some real issues with the way some parts of my personal life has been for a while. I have felt fulfilled at work, not to mention valued. I have felt like I'm getting somewhere financially. I now have the confidence to truly not give a flying fuck what any other human being thinks of me and that stops me having to second-guess how I act because of how it might be perceived - I honestly do not care. Despite that (because?), I appear to have suddenly become attractive to women (like arse_hat, women of all ages), which confounds me because I have never felt this way before - to be bald, middle-aged and attractive all at the same time seems like a contradiction to me. Not that I have any interest at all in doing anything about this, but it's nice to know.

I'm fitter, stronger, more capable in every way than I have ever felt before, I feel younger than I did 10 or even 20 years ago and I have not the slightest idea why.

By contrast, people around me who are the same age seem to be rapidly getting older and older. It's not really anything to do with their physical age, but something inside that is making them old. I don't know how to describe it, but it's as if they die a little bit every day. I don't want to be like that and I simply refuse to grow up. Ever.

i'll be your boyfriend. i've had self-esteem issues ever since mudpuppie left me at the altar.