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08 July 2008
This thread has a disclaimer.*→[More:]
* This is not actually a disclaimer.
You'll be taken off combat duty if you are insane.*
*Attempting to avoid combat duty by appearing to be insane is considered proof of sanity, and therefore of eligibility for combat duty.
*Not valid in Puerto Rico or Quebec. Visit participating locations for details. $375 activation fee, proof of current residence, and pre-qualification credit analysis required. Not all applicants will qualify. WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.
No animals were harmed in the making of this disclaimer except those that richly deserved it. May cause swelling, irritation, sleeplessness, irritable bowel syndrome, neurasthenia, neuralgia, neuritis, neuteredness, palsy, prolapsed rectum, chandler's tongue, uncontrollable laughter or weeping, dropsy, flopsy, cottontail, uncontrollable idiopathic cannibalism, hives, or Instant Painful Death syndrome. Not known to cause cancer in laboratory animals, except baboons, and who really gives a fuck about baboons anyway. Use as directed. Discard before expiration date. Do not ingest.
* Effective immediately, my email address will change from [foo@foo.com] to [bar@bar.net]. This may mean something or absolutely nothing to you depending on which of the people I sent this to are receiving it. If it does mean something to you, please don't write to my old email address or bad things may happen to you and your family. For example, two months ago an Egyptian archaeologist in Egypt mailed my old email address and was later found to be dead from mosquito bites. His wife and kids lived happily ever after. Another man in Peru mailed my old email address before he went on an expedition to that Incan city I forget it's name. He broke his leg. He came back and mailed my correct address and three weeks later his leg was mysteriously healed and he discovered a new Incan city just two miles from his home. This is NOT a chain letter, please do not send it to anyone.
*The contents of this disclaimer are intended only for the intended recipients. If you are reading this disclaimer in error, then stop it! Stop it now! I said STOP! I'm going to tell on you, and you're not going to like it when they come for you. If this is the party to whom I am speaking, please hold.
Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Batteries not included. Your mileage may vary. Package sold by weight, not volume. This side up. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No user-serviceable parts inside. May be too intense for younger viewers. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Slippery when wet. For official use only. At participating locations only. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Not to be taken internally. Avoid contact with skin. If condition persists, consult your physician. Sanitized for your protection. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Prerecorded for this time zone. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. This contract limits our liability.
* Should you not want to be contacted at this e-mail address again please click on this link and follow the instructions Click Here
This message is a commercial advertisement. It is compliant with all federal and state laws regarding e-mail messages including the California Business and Professionals Code. We have provided ("opt out"/websiteaddress.com) e-mail contact so you can be deleted from our mailing list. In addition we have provided the subject line ADV to provide you notification that this is a commercial advertisement for persons over 18 years old.
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