MY RIGHT-WING CO-WORKER WHO WILL NOT STOP TALKING HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO GENERATE AN ARTICLE ABOUT ALL THE REASONS DIVERSITY IS BAD AND I AM SUPPOSED TO EDIT IT. WHILE I DON'T ACTUALLY MIND THE EDITING SO MUCH, THIS ASSIGNMENT MEANS THAT SHE KEEPS COMING IN AND TALKING TO ME ABOUT WHY DIVERSITY IS BAD. ARGUING WITH HER IS POINTLESS BECAUSE IT MAKES HER ARGUE MORE, IGNORING HER DOES NOT MAKE HER STOP TALKING, AND MAKING ANYTHING CLOSE TO AGREEING NOISES JUST ENCOURAGES HER MORE.

AND SHE TRIES TO BOLSTER HER POINT BY SAYING, "IMAGINE IF THEY DECIDED THAT THERE SHOULD BE MORE DIVERSITY IN MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING! WOULDN'T THAT MAKE YOU MAD AND BE UNFAIR???"

UH, NO, SINCE THEY IN FACT *DO* SAY THAT AND I IN FACT AGREE WITH THEM?

HELP ME. *WHIMPER*

JUST TELL HER THE LONGER SHE TALKS, DIVERSE IT GETS!

NOW I WANT TO KILL LYSDEXIC.

*RIMSHOT*

AND THE PERSON WHO LISTED "USES EMAIL" AS A TECHNICAL SKILL?

I CAN ALSO COPY & PASTE. AM I HIRED?

THERE IS A WEIRD DRILLING NOISE IN MY OFFICE AND NO EVIDENCE OF DRILLING. AND IT GOES ON TOO LONG TO BE SOMEONE'S CELLPHONE. IT IS ANNOYING ME AND DISTRACTING ME FROM MY WEB-SURFING.
I WILL NOW START TO PUT WEB-SURFING AS A TECHNICAL SKILL ON MY RESUME.

NOW SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN THE INTRODUCTION TO THE ARTICLE THAT SHE HAS NOT YET GIVEN ME. UM, NO?

(Though I guess it's kinda ironic that Right-Wing Co-Worker Who Will Not Stop Talking assumes that I have already framed the issue without yet having all the facts in front of me. Heh.)

"The following is a horribly-written, wrong-minded article by a total loser."
There, done it for you, occhiblu!

Ha!

Now starts the part of the day when boss:
a) screams profanity at the staff
b) turns speaker phone up to ROCKCONCERT volume and either lets it ring interminably or screams into it
c) lets his cell phone ring and ring and ring while he screams at staff or into his speaker phone.

Clearly, the only response to this is to close my door and play Lords of Acid at inappropriate-for-work volume.

*sigh* I want a cocktail.

Wow! I haven't had anyone want to kill me in years!

I'm sooo putting bad internet jokes on my resume.

APPARENTLY ANYONE WHO BELIEVES THAT DIVERSITY IS A GOOD THING THINKS THAT ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE WHITE SUPREMACISTS! AWESOME!

ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE WHITE SUPREMACISTS!

Aren't we? I thought it was in the by-laws...

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY AND EVERY SINGLE MANAGER HAS "COME UP" WITH AN ERRAND REQUIRING AT LEAST 90 MINUTES OUT OF THE OFFICE THIS AFTERNOON, WHILE I SPENT MY LUNCH BREAK DRIVING TO THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN TO LET THE PUPPY OUT AND POTTY TRAINING IS A BITCH.

WE HIRED A NEIGHBOR TEEN TO COME OVER AND LET THE PUPPY OUT AROUND NOON EACH DAY BUT SHE DOESN'T START UNTIL MONDAY AND MY PARTNER MADE THE ARRANGEMENTS WITH HER DAD WHEN I WANTED HER TO BE MORE INVOLVED IN THE JOB-ACCEPTING AND PAYMENT-NEGOTIATIONS INSTEAD OF MY PARTNER JUST PULLING A NUMBER FROM HIS ASS. WE HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO HER DIRECTLY, JUST HER DAD, AND NOW I'M WORRIED THAT SHE WON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY OR MAYBE SHE'LL JUST COME OVER AND TRY ON ALL OF MY MAKEUP WHILE WE'RE NOT THERE.

I believe 'able to speak in lolcat' will have to go on my resume. I already have the lolcat on my desk (srsly, I do).

Ahem,

I AM QUITE CRANKYPANTS ABOUT THE FACT THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE AT WORK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM JUST ABOUT DONE WITH THIS SARBANES BULLSHIT AND AM APPROACHING THE POINT WHERE I NEED OUTSIDE HELP, EVEN THOUGH MY BOSS TOLD ME TO KEEP IT ON THE DL BECAUSE MY COWORKER (WHO TECHNICALLY OUTRANKS ME) WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE DOING THIS PROJECT AS WELL AS THE FACT THAT SPECIAL COLLECTIONS WAS SUPPOSED TO COME BY AND DO THIS PROJECT AS WELL AND THEY DIDN'T AND SO I JUST UP AND WENT TO IT AND IT WILL BE FANTASTIC WHEN I AM DONE BUT I FEAR THAT IT WILL TURN INTO SOMETHING ELSE THAT NEVER DIES. EVER.
ALSO, THE FACT THAT IT IS INCREDIBLY SLOW AT WORK MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I HAVE TO WORK FOR LONGER STRETCHES AND IF THAT STRETCH HAPPENS TO INVOLVE READING MORE GODDAMN CONGRESSIONAL TESTIMONY I WILL BE FORCED TO THROW SOMETHING.

THIS ISN'T WORK RELATED, BUT IT IS WORTH SHOUTING ABOUT (TO ME AT LEAST) IS THAT IT IS THE END OF A PILL PACK FOR ME AND I AM STARVING AND MY MOTHER YELLED AT ME FOR GETTING A COOKIE BECAUSE IT IS ALMOST DINNER TIME AND YOUR FATHER WILL BE HOME SOON AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING. ARGH HORMONES GO DIE. SRSLY. I WISH I COULD JUST SKIP THIS WEEK OF PILLS BUT I KNOW THAT WOULD PUT ME SHORT ON PILLS BEFORE I COULD SCHEDULE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT BECAUSE FUCKING INSURANCE WILL ONLY COVER ONE VISIT A YEAR AND I'M KINDA STRESSED ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M GOING TO FINALLY GO GET STD/HIV TESTED TOMORROW, SEVERAL YEARS AFTER SLEEPING WITH THAT SKEEZY DUDE FOR SEVERAL YEARS. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

MY CO-WORKER HAS NOW GODWINED THE DISCUSSIONS AND I REALLY CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE WHEN SHE STARTS QUOTING NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN.

I'm being switched to day shift starting on Monday, so I'm relatively pleased at the moment. However:

OUR CORPORATE OVERLORDS ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE US THAT ALL HUMAN INTERACTION CAN AND, INDEED, SHOULD BE REDUCED TO VENDOR/CUSTOMER TRANSACTIONS. ALSO, THAT HOW ONE SAYS SOMETHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT ONE SAYS. YES, THAT'S RIGHT, FORM TRUMPS CONTENT AND PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO TEMPTED TO GET A MOHAWK AND DYE IT FIRE ENGINE RED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I AM GOING TO SHOUT ABOUT THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOUT ABOUT!!! WORK IS GOING ABOUT AS WELL AS I CAN EXPECT! I TALKED TO A CUSTOMER TODAY ABOUT STUFF I DON'T REALLY KNOW MUCH ABOUT, AND DIDN'T MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF! I GET TO TALK TO ANOTHER CUSTOMER TOMORROW ABOUT HOW TO FIX A PROBLEM THAT NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS! MY BOSS IS COOL AND HE TOLD ME I WOULD PROBABLY BE GOING ON THE ROAD IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS TO JOB-SHADOW OUR DIRECTOR OF ENGINEERING! IT PROBABLY WON'T BE FUN, BUT I'LL MOST LIKELY LEARN SOMETHING!!!

NO ONE HAS RESPONDED TO MY QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO HANDLE MY MUSIC COLLECTION AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

NO WE'RE ALL JUST IDIIOTS, RMLESS!

SEE! I EVEN MISPELLED IDIOT!

I'd love to answer, rmless, but I feel like I'm missing something. Move it all to the new place, then delete it from the old place. See? I'm totally missing something.

I had a great day at work today.

YAY FOR BMARKEY!!

THANK YOU... uh, thank you, deborah.

I HAVE AN OUCHIE. I WON'T SAY WHERE.

NOBODY HAS SEEMED EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN HIRING ME SO I ENDED UP ACCEPTING THE UNI'S OFFER TO GIVE ME A BUNCH OF MONEY TO DO A PHD HERE. I AM GOING TO HAVE NO LIFE OR SOUL FOR ANOTHER TWO YEARS.

IF ANY OF YOU BUNNIES EVER COME ACROSS MY RESUME IN THE PILE, I AM SO, SO SORRY. EVERYONE I SHOW IT TO SAYS IT LOOKS GOOD, BUT CLEARLY SOMETHING ISN'T THERE.