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Hey, what's the matter with you,
What're you trying to do, I'm wrecking my brain,
I'll never get it. Did I ever hurt you in any way?
If I did then hear my apology...
I'm sorry that you're so hypersensitive that my totally reasonable action somehow offended you. At least now you'll know that when I do the exact same thing in the future, it's totally your fault if you get upset.
I'm sorry that you can't seem to get your shit together long enough to see just how wrong you truly are. In the future I will do my very best to help you in this matter.
I'm sorry that you're so hypersensitive that my totally reasonable action somehow offended you. At least now you'll know that when I do the exact same thing in the future, it's totally your fault if you get upset.
And I'm also sorry that I drew balls on your locker.
I'd also like to apologize for writing "BALLS" on your forehead in Sharpie while you were passed out.
I'm sorry for registering "[YOUR NAME]-is-balls.com"
And I'm sorry for sending a fax of someone's scrotum to your dad's office, with a cover letter stating
To: DAD OF BALLS
RE: YOUR KID IS BALLS
From: Mr. Testes Balls, ESQ
In conclusion, I can't help it. I'm sorry that balls are so damn funny.
Yes, I know what I did. It was high time, too. I can't keep going on like this, and I think both of us know it. We had a good thing for awhile, sure, but I moved on.
I kept my eye on the future, while you were happy with the status quo, and that's not what I signed on for.
You're a great person and all, and I don't want this to hurt you, but I've come as far with you as I can.
Call me when you've sorted yourself out. I believe in you.
*sound of front door closing, footsteps down the sidewalk*
this is when you run to the window, squinch your eyes shut and then slam your fist against the wall/the fridge/your own skull while the soundtrack kicks in to inform the audience that the second reel is about to start where the hero walks around in the rain and cursing...