And what is it about young girls in Massachusetts? Why they all so crazy? Hasn't anone taken care of that bad rye yet?

They is being reclaimed by the sea, harsh mistress of Gloucester Bay.
They will not have feet as they will not need them.

OOooh! I'm in!

Am off to go get myself knocked up!

I'm certainly not in bed before 11 on a friday night after watching a Harry Potter film and playing Tomb Raider on my PSP. Not at all.

Let's meet and have a baby now

So you mean you guys didn't actually go through with it?!

...fuck.

Can't we just have pillow fights in pajamas and lingerie and make something else?

Hmm. There doesn't seem to be a cute 24-year-old homeless guy around to impregnate me, or I would TOTALLY go for it.

I'm in I'm in! What fun we'll all have with our theoretical babies, that never cry or poop or get big enough to do things to break their mother's hearts.

I am a team player with a proven track record of successfully executing the impregnation process. I'm adaptable to new roles, such as acting like a 24 year old homeless man or a creepy guy who not-very-sneakily follows you around the grocery store. I'm currently looking for new work, so ladies, give me a call and we can discuss how my services can best meet your needs.

*starts jumping on the bed*

"We're live with Stu Houston at the 2008 Gloucester Babymamathon! Stu - what can you tell us about this year's entrants?"

"Well, Dale, this year's group of Go Nowheres are fired up about the next 20 years of their insulated lives! We've already got several of them on their backs and posing for the cameras, and another set is dumpster-diving for their next beau!"

"That's wonderful, Stu - this year looks like it's shaping up to be a real rocket ride to permanent familial dysfunction. It's like a whole new tradition is being created for the city of Gloucester. Is the Mayor there? Perhaps we could get a word?"

"He sure is, Dale!"

"Well, as Mayor of the fine city of Gloucester, with our fishing industry and a firm founding in hopelessness and despair, we can thank the children of Gloucester for discarding their futures. And in befriending the homeless in this manner, they're certainly giving something valuable back to the community!"

"Stu - one last thing: could we possibly talk to one of the Babymamas themselves?"

"Sure Dale! Here's Mary Knob!"

"Hello, Mary! Why did you decide to become a Gloucester Babymama for 2008?"

"Well, like, you know, my dad said I couldn't get a dog. And I heard that, like, at the baby shower you could get some pretty cool stuff, like lotions from France and money and you know?" *lights cigarette*

"And there you have it, America! This is Stu Houston, live from the Gloucester Babymamathon 2008! Back to you, Dale!"

Fade with image of a homeless man drooling over a fifteen year-old girl holding a doll and sucking a lollypop.

That is really scary! They need to put in more malls or mini-golf or something so these kids have something else to do.
I was once a bored teenager in MA, but getting pregnant was never even an idea that crossed my mind as a possibly weekend activity.

Plenty more bottomless snark on this over on the Blue.

I was about to write a defense of Gloucester, saying that I used to live up near there and how it's really pretty and not as seedy and downtrodden as it sounds. Then I remember why I moved away- there was nothing to do and I was bored out of my mind. So, uh, yea.