I like Oakland very much, but some neighborhoods are more desirable than others, to say the least.

It has awesome weather and more diversity and artists than Berkeley.

I've had good experiences in Hayward, too, but I think I'm unique in that.

But- cheap rent, more rural-ish areas available to rent, a great park (I'm thinking of Garin, though there are probably others), good ethnic food, especially of the Mexican, Central American, and South American varieties, family-oriented folks. I've found it pretty chill despite huge swaths of Depressingly Ugly and too hot weather.

One of my favorite sights was a big family of mostly- Hispanics (but a couple of other races) out for a Saturday afternoon on the strip on horseback, kids and all. Kids were dressed in Sunday foofery/princess outfits. Grownups were in Sunday Mexican dress up or jeans and t-shirts. They all tied up at the mercado and ate tamales at the stand out front, with car stereos boom-booming all around.

I never lived there. I just had friends there.

Or am I worrying too much about the commute from Oakland/Alameda?

No, you aren't. When I lived in Oakland and commuted to Mountain View, I lost an hour to my commute each way. It might not be so bad if your boyfriend doesn't have to go over the Dumbarton, but it's still pretty miserable at rush hour. Not so bad at off peak times, if there still are off peak times in the Bay Area, though, since at least you can keep moving.

There's nowhere nicer to live than Berkeley or (many!) parts of Oakland in the East Bay, so you have to choose between quality of life where you live or quality of life with your boyfriend's commute.

Thanks, guys! That actually helps a lot. We've already decided that location will come first, so it looks like we'll continue to focus our search on those areas.