MetaChat - I wish I could be a phone sex operator.

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11 June 2008

I wish I could be a phone sex operator. Seriously. Wrong numbers call me back just to talk to me... For real. This has actually happened quite a lot. My favorite was the little eight- or nine-year-old kid (wasn't interested in sexy talk, as far as I could tell). But usually it's guys... and I have what I think of as a sort of "bright" voice in tone, not husky or sexy, but I seem to be irresistible on the phone. Unfortunately, I hate talking on the phone, and get embarrassed even looking at sex scenes in R-rated movies, so I'm not going to make my fortune this way.

Could you do it? Yes? Explain to me how, in your most beguiling voice and rub the small of my back ... right there ... while you tell me. also, that's a great post, I think.

post by: taz at: 13:53 | 32 comments

I have no comment on this subject, but considering it is definitely more interesting than what I'm doing at work right now.

posted by deadcowdan 11 June | 14:01

I would probably get a hell of a lot more respect and access to resource than I do where I currently work. I'd probably deal with significantly fewer assholes, as well.

posted by crush-onastick 11 June | 14:08

I could not do it. Any kind of material compensation for sex is a non starter for me.

As for the second part of your question, since I caught 37 kinds of hell for talking about rubbing oil on jrossi4r, not going to touch the small of your back.

thinking about it though

posted by danf 11 June | 14:08

Talking dirty is something I can appreciate but I could never be a phone sex operator. I'm afraid my repertoire is slim. I'm afraid I would bore my clients. I'm not that creative and seem to say the same things over and over. Yeah, baby I do.

posted by LoriFLA 11 June | 14:12

I loved the post.

I couldn't do it. I'd like to say I could. But first of all, I'd need to be in a chemically induced state, and that's not good all the time. Second of all, like anything else, it depends on the, uh, partner. Work with me, people! Then, for me, it's kind of like math. I'm good at math, but I'm better at other things, so I think I'm bad at math. Also, some of the phone calls I'd enjoy, and that's squick territory. (See work with me people, above.)

I could rub your back and tell you this in a beguiling voice.

But then I'd be done and that wouldn't last very long and I you wouldn't want to pay me, and I wouldn't take your money anyway.

posted by rainbaby 11 June | 14:17

I could pay you 10 Dramoi!

My husband and I once played this "Atlantis" themed computer game, where people were always asking us to pay 10 Dramoi to ferry us down the river, or buy an urn or whatever. Now we often offer each other 10 Dramoi to do certain things.

posted by taz 11 June | 14:28

I've known quite a few people who worked phone sex (and a couple who owned phone-sex companies), and listened to more than a few calls, and suffice it to say that I couldn't do it--my customer-service skills might be up to the challenge, and I could do some research into the, y'know, more exotic sex practices (one company maintained a private wiki), but I'm nowhere near a good enough actor.

posted by box 11 June | 14:29

I was once the receptionist for a company with quite a few traveling salesmen and engineers. Many of them would spend weeks away from home with only their fellow (male) salesmen or engineers for companionship. It soon became clear that several of these guys would call me just to chat.

I didn't think anything of it, until one guy proposed to me.

posted by annaramma 11 June | 14:36

but I'm nowhere near a good enough actor

I'm even a pretty good actor... I'm just so fundamentally internally freaked out by nasty sex talk/explicit images*. Thank you, early Catholic school and sensitive nature! Or something. I don't even know.

still LOLing at loriFla, though. You know what I mean, baby. Yeah, you do.

* so embarrassing to admit, but there you go.

posted by taz 11 June | 14:40

I get that too. On the phone, I've literally had at least 50 people ask me if I was a deejay or voiceover artist, or tell me that I should be one. Weird, isn't it?

posted by shane 11 June | 14:55

I'd be pretty good at it, I think. I can fake being excited about just about anything, I have been told many times that I have a good voice for radio, I'm imaginative when it comes to the weird shit that people like, and I have absolutely no qualms about people jerking off on the phone while I talk about how hot I get rubbing warm marmelade with an extra dash of chilli powder around on their genitals.

Hell, I'd probably do it for free just to creep out the neighbors who can hear my phone conversations through the walls.

posted by cmonkey 11 June | 15:02

Huh. I wouldn't mind doing it, and I think I could. I have a slew of ex-boyfriends that all really liked dirty talk and for whatever reason I'm not really into it but somehow I could get into the spirit of it for them. still didn't turn me on though

posted by gaspode 11 June | 15:06

When I have a cold my voice sometimes drops an octave or more. I've noticed that that seems to push some primal buttons with some women.
Of course women don't call sex phones...

posted by jouke 11 June | 15:18

I can fake being excited about just about anything

Well I DID once fake an orgasm during phone sex. So maybe I should not foreclose this option.

posted by danf 11 June | 15:28

If i was being well compensated maybe.

posted by ethylene 11 June | 17:40

Phone sex story:

Had a female friend who did this for a while to pay the bills while she was in school. She was pretty good at it, 'cause she was, and no doubt still is, very freaky and imaginative.

And then one day she got a call from a amputee fetishist.

Ooooooh, baby. Let me feel your stump. I wanna play with your stump . . .

Her response:

EEEEEWWWWWW!! YOU'RE A FREAK! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!

That was the end of her phone sex career.

posted by jason's_planet 11 June | 17:47

Now i feel like looking into it. i wonder how much you can make and if it's off the books.

posted by ethylene 11 June | 18:08

I wish I could be a phone sex operator.

Remember my old buddy Tennessee Sam? His wife used to work as an office manager at the headquarters of a very well known girlie magazine. She'd get a lot of phone calls from 12-year-old boys in flyover country that went "Can you please talk dirty to me, ma'am?" I suggested that she answer them by saying "OK, you're a horse's ass," and hanging up.

posted by jonmc 11 June | 18:34

I don't have any moral issues with it, but I have a very literal mind and not much imagination...

"...what are you doing with your hands right now, baby?"

"Oh, just folding laundr.. Oh. Right. I mean, I'm doing ... something very ... naughty? Damn. Um. Do I get a do over?"

posted by small_ruminant 11 June | 19:11

since I caught 37 kinds of hell for talking about rubbing oil on jrossi4r

Not from me, you didn't!

I don't think I'd be a very good phone sex operator because my natural inquisitiveness would turn everything into an interview. "You want to rub my stump? Really? Why a stump? Do you know any actual amputees? Do you want to be one yourself? Do you have a preference for legs or arms?...."

posted by jrossi4r 11 June | 20:35

I wish you could, too. Err... I mean.

*digs his toe in the ground*

You have a nice voice is all.

posted by Eideteker 11 June | 20:53

I find arousing someone who doesn't know me and can't see me very difficult indeed, and I tend to rush things a bit, failign to take my time finding out what someone want before grabbing my own prize, but even so, I bet I could do this. I'm motivated.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 11 June | 21:45

I think I could do it. I wonder what it pays?

posted by deborah 11 June | 21:46

A nice website and lack of cheese, cottage industry?
i bet wendell already has a domain name.
i could finish up my bordello story and tie it in, hmm.

posted by ethylene 11 June | 21:50

If I absolutely had to, I could probably do it. All that theater training would finally pay off. I think it would become boring and/or depressing really quickly, though.

What's Fran Drescher doing these days? She'd make a mint. Hell, I'd call - not because of any sort of kink or anything. I just wanna hear that voice faking it.

posted by bmarkey 11 June | 21:51

i volunteer to do portraits of your personas, like a fop for Divine Wino.

Bmarkey, that's like wanting to bang Carol Channing.

posted by ethylene 11 June | 21:53

Hey, I didn't say I wanted to do her myself. I'm a happy spouse. Like I said, I just want to hear her faking it. I'm betting it would shatter glass.

posted by bmarkey 11 June | 21:58

Do you think she's ultrasonic when real?

We all know you're a very good boy, bmarkey. A very, very good boy who brings all his big hard intentions home to Science girl.

posted by ethylene 11 June | 22:07

Hey, Fran's kind of sexy in that Queens girl kind of way. And I have heard Flushing-raised woman climaxing, although her accent was nowhere near as pronounced.

posted by jonmc 11 June | 22:13

Well this got weird.

I was aiming for a joke. Apparently I missed; not for the first time, nor the last.

posted by bmarkey 11 June | 23:58

I don't think I could do it and not burst out laughing. I did, however, do a porn star voice recording for the phone system for a videogame company my friend worked at. It was hilarious. Especially when his voice came through the headphones about half way through (we were at the 'for accounting, press 8' part) saying, 'Okay, now for this one remember: accountants make you really hot.' I wish I'd gotten a recording of it before he left the company.

posted by elizard 12 June | 00:59

I have a friend who used to be a PSO. She had an initial problem with talking dirty in that she turned bright red being on either part of the conversation. Her roommates made a point of trying to help by injecting various synonyms for vagina into responses to her. It eventually developed into a particular prattle. She'd something and the reply she'd get was:
Twat's that?
I cunt hear you.
You sound muff-led.
Like you're talking out of a box...

She doesn't flush quite as easily from that anymore.

From a practical side, she worked for a company and took calls and developed a set of regulars and kept a notebook so she knew some things to say or not say to the clients and had a set of props handy. She had one guy who had a pee fetish, so she kept a glasses of water to pour from one to the other. One had a vibrator fetish, so she bought one based entirely on its loudness - wrote it off - business expense.

posted by plinth 12 June | 07:51

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