Maybe the same thing. I always find things like that annoying. "Easy open instructions" assuming that you're able bodied, that is. No disabilities or illnesses that would impair your motor skills. Likewise things like "delicious" or "tasty" - I'll be the judge of whether something is pleasing, not you. Grrrr!

I get paid to do this. No way I'm doing it for free.

1. Press in top corners
2. Press in top center and lift cover
3. Find that cardboard is too soft to open at perforation. Cuss under your breath, so the children don't hear your blasphemy.
4. Try again, using your nails to dig at the micro-perforations. Get cardboard slivers under your thumb nail and glare menacingly at the box.
5. Scan bathroom for an effective implement before your ears seriously plug up with wax. You must use these cotton swabs, now!
6. Decide to walk naked into the kitchen for the scissors, kids be damned.
7. Step on a toy car your son left on the floor and, now seriously - kids be damned, scream SHITHOLE!
8. Snatch scissors from drawer and storm back into the bathroom, slamming door.
9. Slash madly at package, finally cutting deep and long enough to free the precious swabs from their plastic coffin.
10. Realize you also cut hand in process, and grab band-aid package from medicine cabinet.
11. Look down at new box of band-aids. Read:
"1. Press in top corners
2. Press in top center and lift cover"

. . .

1. Use woodburning tool to score the cardboard backing in quilt circle pattern
2. Use exacto knife to trace around woodburning lines. DO NOT PUNCTURE CARDBOARD
3. Submerge in acetone solution to soften plastic front cover
4. Take pliers to plastic cover and twist soft material into a swirl
5. With a dental drill, make a hole 1/4 in ch into the swirl
6. Take a small amount of plastic explosive (less than a dime-size)) and place in hole
7. Put on safety glasses, light explosive, stand back 30 feet

Q-tips for everyone!

Two vastly different mornings, with more or less the same ending, eh rmless2?

1. Cerff va gbc pbearef
2. Cerff va gbc pragre naq yvsg pbire

You're all damned funny, but I have to say: tr33hggr made me snort tea out my nose and laugh so loud I scared the cats.

I think we have the opening instructions covered, so I'll add in this little tidbit:

I bought a package of Morningstar Farms veggie sausage patties yesterday. (Really, they're quite good on a biscuit.) I scoured the packaging for the number of patties contained within and, believe it or not, it was not listed anywhere.

So I turned to the nutritional information (because I'm smart that way), knowing that I could figure it out from there with some simple math. Sure enough, serving size: one patty.

Servings per container? "About 6."

WTF? About 6? As in "5, plus one with a bite out of it because Marlene was on the packing shift and she's trying to quit smoking, so she gets the munchies and -- sorry! -- there are only about six patties in your box, so deal with it"?

Yeah, I've run into that sort of thing before.

The one that always freaks me out is "may contain the following ingredients". Really? You're not sure what's in your product? Because now I'm not sure if I want to eat it.