OH BOY DO I HAVE SOME EPIC SHOUTAGE BUT IT'S ALL CONFIDENTIAL AND SHIT! BASICALLY SOME WACK SHIT AT THE OLD JOB, BUT FORTUNATELY MS. BOSSLADY IS ACTUALLY BACKING ME UP FOR ONCE! WOO. AND THE NEW JOBSTUFF IS GOING REALLY WELL. I AM THE BOSS ON THAT ONE. I KEEP TELLING MYSELF, YOU'RE THE BOSS, JUST LAY OUT HOW YOU WANT IT DONE AND WE'LL DO IT. AND IT'S DIDDLY DONE DID BEIN' DONE, YO!

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT THERE AND MY FRIENDS ARE ARRIVING FROM OUT OF TOWN AND MY LOCAL FRIENDS ARE ALL TAKING THE DAY OFF TO HANG OUT WITH THEM BUT I AM HERE AT WORK EVEN THOUGH MY BOSS IS OUT OF TOWN BECAUSE I JUST KNOW SHE'S GOING TO CALL AND I WOULD FEEL GUILTY IF I WEREN'T HERE WHEN SHE DID.

ALSO I HATE MY BODY AND WISH I HAD NEVER GONE ON THAT STUPID DIET A FEW MONTHS AGO BECAUSE I USED TO BE OK WITH MYSELF BUT NOW IT'S EITHER BE MISERABLE LIMITING MYSELF TO 1300 CALORIES A DAY OR BE MISERABLE EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR OR DOWN AT MY BODY. I CRIED ABOUT IT THIS MORNING AND I HATE THAT IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH AND I HATE THAT I'M AFRAID ABOUT BEING FAT FOR MY WEDDING BECAUSE ITS SO CLICHE. I EAT REALLY HEALTHILY AND WORK OUT 6 DAYS A WEEK BUT UNLESS I COUNT CALORIES I CAN'T LOSE A POUND. IN FACT I THINK I'M GAINING. BUT COUNTING CALORIES MADE ME INSANE AND MISERABLE. I LOOK AT PEOPLE WALKING AROUND IN THE MORNING WITH THEIR MCDONALDS BREAKFAST AND I THINK, "I DON'T EAT LIKE THAT, WHY AREN'T I THIN?" I WANT TO CRY AGAIN.

I HATE THE FACT THAT SINCE I'M GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF ONE WEEK THAT MY MOTHER FEELS THE NEED TO REMIND ME, EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I COME OUT OF MY BEDROOM THAT THIS TRIP IS 'A BAD IDEA' AND THAT I'M MAKING 'STUPID DECISIONS'. (SHE HAS ALSO FELT THE NEED TO TELL ME THAT SINCE I'M GOING TO CITIES AND THE BEACH THAT I'M GOING TO GET RAPED AND MY CAR IS GOING TO BE STOLEN.)

I ALSO AM CRANKY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I KNOW AS SOON AS I STEP OUT THE DOOR ON WEDNESDAY TO GO TO WORK THAT SHE IS GOING TO DO A TOP TO BOTTOM SEARCH OF MY ROOM FOR STUFF SHE WOULD FIND 'OBJECTIONABLE'. AT LEAST THIS MEANS I HAVE A CHANCE TO CLEAR OUT MY EMPTY WINE BOTTLES, NEW CONDOM PACKAGES, AND VARIOUS OTHER SHITS.

SHE ALSO SEEMS TO THINK THAT I'M GOING TO CALL HER EVERY HOUR. WHICH IS FUNNY, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE I'M GOING TO BE SPENDING A GREAT AMOUNT OF TIME GETTING PISSY DRUNK AND OUT OF CHARACTER.


GARGH. WHY CAN'T SHE UNDERSTAND THAT I'M AN ADULT? THAT IS COMPLETELY CAPABLE OF MAKING RATIONAL DECISIONS? AND THAT THE BIG, BIG WORLD OUT THERE ISN'T COMING TO GET ME AS SOON AS I STEP OUT OF THE DOOR? FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN, YOU'VE BEEN TO AMSTERDAM. CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND SIT DOWN. AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY PRIVATE THINGS. OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT SEE SOMETHING THAT WOULDN'T BE PLEASANT. (SUCH AS MY JOURNALS, WHICH I WILL BE TAKING WITH ME. IT WOULDN'T DO FOR HER TO SEE THE NASTY THINGS SHE DOES WRITTEN ON PAPER. THEN I WOULD BE 'A DISGRACEFUL WENCH'.

ONLY ANOTHER COUPLE OF MONTHS UNTIL I CAN HOPEFULLY MOVE OUT OF HERE. I'M JUST WAITING FOR MY FRIENDS TO GET THEIR SHIZ TOGETHER. I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN TOLERATE HER AND HER BULLSHIT WITHOUT SNAPPING AT HER.