When my VP calls me up and asks vague, random questions about the work I'm doing without telling me why he wants to know. I know, from experience, that there's a specific reason why he's asking(if he just wanted a progress report, we do monthly status reports, or he'd stop by my office in person), but that could be anything from, "We're thinking of hiring an intern and I'd like to know if you need help" to "I'm looking for someone to drop everything and travel to Ohio next week".

Bah, muddgirl - that is annoying. Thankfully, despite my griping, the current crop of bosses are not silly enough to think clairvoyance is a necessary job requirement.

A techno-solution that corporate decided to purchase for the whole company WITHOUT CONSULTING ANYBODY WHO WILL ACTUALLY USE THE TOOLS/SOFTWARE/HARDWARE is REALLY REALLY DIFFICULT AND NOT USER FRIENDLY AND WILL IN FACT MAKE MY JOB MUCH MUCH MUCH SLOWER. Not faster. Slower. And the project managers want timelines met instead of getting it set up right in the first place, so that we are essentially scrambling about RECREATING THE SAME SYSTEM-WIDE MESS WE HAVE NOW IN A NEW SYSTEM. Gah.

One mid-level IT guy in my local office gets this, but even though he has more sway than I do, he doesn't have enough sway to do anything about it, I'm afraid.

The small consolation is I get to answer, "what are you doing" with the word "fapping." When I exclaim and curse from my cube, somebody'll be like, "Hey you must be fapping again."

I totally fap at my desk. Heh.

I fear I am too tired from the clusterfuck that is work right now to type out the details. Suffice it to say that a time line, that is QUITE IMPORTANT, that I have worked to maintain, with excellent, and clear communication FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS, might be in jeopardy. Today, I got to lose my temper in a business like fashion, while trying to make it clear that while tomorrow is what we'd been aiming at for months, NEXT THURSDAY won't work, and I need them to invoke whatever schema they have, in order to make it happen by end of day Friday.

It actually went quite well considering the dude who has been nagging me for months about any changes to the timelines spent half the call insisting that he "never committed to anything".

I wish I could fap at my desk. Well, actually, not really. My office mate likely wouldn't appreciate it.

My biggest annoyance: The fact that there are things that need to be done, but only one person knows how to do it. And they don't want to tell anyone else. Which leads to things like a giant stack of Special Collections boxes sitting in a corner of the office and NOT BACK IN THE STACKS LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.
Also, the fact that it seems like everyone has assigned tasks and that if a certain someone was to actually do some of the processing of books instead of only film, that they would be looked at funny. (I'm not sure if this is actually true, or if it's just in my head. My brain tends to make up things like that sometimes and I can't figure out if it's real or just in my head. Parnoia, not my friend.)


Also, the fact that nothing gets fixed in a timely manner. The pallet jack has been broken since before I got here. Why hasn't anyone called to get it fixed or replaced? "Oh, we don't use it that often" isn't good enough. It's the proper tool for moving pallets and it's a BITCH to move them by using a stick with wheels. Same thing goes for the fucking lift gate! How the hell are the movers supposed to get carts of books into their truck?! BY LIFTING THEM? ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING HIGH?!

I HAVE NOT HAD A MANAGER FOR FIVE MONTHS. They said they were going to advertise in April, so, um, WHERE IS SHE? I can't do three people's jobs for much longer - well, I probably can but won't like it without vastly more suitable remuneration. We're already one down due to maternity leave they decided we could cover - YEAH SURE BUT NOT WITHOUT A SCHEME MANAGER TOO. Sheeeeeit.

Sperose, hee. They finally sent our broken pallet jack out and we now have a temporary one until the other one gets back. It's a huge, old thing, but at least it works.

I honestly don't know how the three butchers I work with will survive when I take my 1 1/2 weeks vacation in June. They call me upstairs when I'm packing out boxes to find out how much an item is per pound (I'm the meat wrapper). I ask them what's in the system? because that's what we go by (Hello? combined you guys have like 60 years experience!). The next guy asks me how to thread the plastic, because we ran out of wrap. Never mind that the directions are posted right there on the machine itself. I tell them to wait five minutes, and once I throw the boxes out, I'll be down to fix it. Otherwise they'll break the silly thing. It's been done before. I ought to be paid meat manager's pay for all the decisions they want me to make.

I used to have a job. In fact, I've had many jobs, due to the fact that I was a temp, and then I worked in an industry that downsized so frequently you practically had to job-hop, and no one thought the worse of you for it.

So, pet peeves from when I was a receptionist/administrative/executive assistant:

1. There may be candy in a bowl for you on my desk. You may be making $350,000 a year more than I am. This does not mean that you can, without ever acknowledging my existence, take a piece of candy and then hand me the wrapper as if I am a robotic trash can.
2. You may be making a million dollars a year while I'm barely scraping by on $15,000. But you still can't make me do your son's homework.
3. Just because you are the president of the company doesn't mean you shouldn't know how to turn on your own computer. Especially when it is a first generation iMac. See that button on the front? That's the one.
4. I don't care if you ARE Faye Dunaway. He doesn't want to speak to you.
5. People should be allowed to use the restroom without having to call someone and tell them about it first, then wait 15 to 20 minutes for a person to show up so they can go pee. This is why receptionists are always constipated, too. They can't risk eating fiber.

Pet Peeves from when I was a reporter, then editor:

1. Just because you have a lot of money and you run an organization that only includes other women who have a lot of money doesn't mean you can invite me to an event and then bar me from the room in which it is taking place, simply because you don't want me in the way of the waiters.

2. Does no one ever answer their phones???

3. Yes, we received that picture of you and your puppy. Yes, it's very nice. No, we're not going to run it in the paper. Why? Because I said so.

4. You think you can send us this awful photo with thirteen children and names that are not in any particular order? It's not going to happen. Because I said so.

5. It shouldn't take four hours after I submit a story to the city desk until it actually gets read. You don't do ANYTHING all afternoon. You take three hour lunches! You have long phone conversations with your broker. But you can't read my story? What does an editor do? Do you realize there is no reason I should have to stay at work until seven p.m. if I filed at three p.m.?

6. Copy desk? Please don't call me with stupid questions at 10:30 p.m.

7. Copy desk? If I don't answer my phone at 10:30 p.m., don't act like I committed some grave crime.

8. Oh, you were a journalist once, too? That's nice. But it didn't answer any of my questions, considering you're now the town attorney and that answer has nothing at all to do with the fact that you're supposedly writing a new cabaret law, and I need to know the status of the damn thing.

9. Yes, I do have to tell both sides of the story. No, I really do.

10. NO, I AM NOT GOING TO PRINT YOUR PRESS RELEASE. WOULD YOU LIKE THE NUMBER FOR OUR ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT???

I work at the front desk of a hospital laboratory.

1. Why oh WHY do you bring in your plastic tub of your own feces and plunk it down on my desk RIGHT ON TOP OF THE BIG ORANGE SIGN THAT SAYS DO NOT PLACE SPECIMENS ON DESK??? And please for the love of all that's holy MAKE SURE THE LID IS ON TIGHT FIRST!

2. McDonalds Mentality.
patient: My doctor wanted me to do this test 2 weeks ago, but I waited until the day before my appointment to come in. When will the results of my urine culture be ready?
me: It usually takes about 3-5 days. We have wait and see if any bacteria grows in the culture.
patient: *rolls eyes impatiently* Ugh, can't you order it stat or something? My appointment is at 9am!!
me: Well, I can, but I don't think the bacteria are going to listen to me and grow faster.

3. Your lack of preparedness is not my emergency. Why would you come to any medical facility and not bring your insurance information?

4. You are having to wait so long for a phlebotomist because a 17 year old boy just coded in the emergency room and we had 2 stat draws up in ICU on a mother of 2 with breast cancer and grandmother with viral pneumonia. Your cholesterol test for your yearly check up can wait 5 more minutes, Mr.Important-Guy-on-Cell-Phone.