MetaChat - EMERGENCY! ALARM! POLICE! A terrible thing in which arse

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06 May 2008

EMERGENCY! ALARM! POLICE! A terrible thing in which arse_hat feels middle aged.
I went to bed early tonight.

ALARM!→[More:] The police are chasing me like in Grand Theft Auto. MUST GET AWAY!

Roll over. Not police. It's clearly a bugler alarm. It don't stop. Roll over. Awake!

It' a bugler alarm. Fuck me. Someone called the cops by now.

No?

GAHHHHHHH! Must get up.

So I get dressed and grab my cell and head out the back door. I can get a bead on the sound and call the cops and go back to bed, right?

Ummmmm.

No! It's one of those sounds that echoes off of every building and seems to come from everywhere so I go back and put on a pair of shoes and then venture forth to find the source. I found it. One block North and three blocks east. It was a sales office for some loft condos in an old Hiram Walker warehouse.

I called the police and gave them the details and in under a minute (I looked at my cell phone time) two SUVs pull up. Four cops spill out and in under a minute I spew my tale of woe and then set off for home. It's now 90 minutes later.

That's all tedious and silly, but here is the real point. I looked at those four young men and thought WTF??? You have guns? Like for legal and all? Are you old enough to drink? Do you have to shave more than once a week? Did you really have a senior prom?

I feel all my 46 years right now. Fuck you Kindergarten cops!

post by: arse_hat at: 02:25 | 15 comments

Well seriously, the age and wisdom of the people who are making decisions that affect my life are laughable. So yeah...

... and get the fuck off my lawn.

posted by -t 06 May | 02:56

Some of the cops are cute and fluffy.
It's all kinds of weird, possibly kinky.

posted by ethylene 06 May | 03:02

Goddamn buglers. Don't they know reveille isn't until oh-six hundred?

I went to bed early, too. Now it's 1am and I'm awake.

posted by elizard 06 May | 03:04

Bwahahahaha

If it wasn't for the fact that I absolutely refuse to grow up, I would feel all 46 of my years, too.

*moves to more comfortable position in seat to ease knee pain*

posted by dg 06 May | 03:13

lolling at the bugler alarm.

posted by taz 06 May | 03:14

One morning I was sitting at a very small airport, waiting for my flight on a very small plane, and I saw it taxi up through the window, and then the pilots got out and came in the terminal to get some coffee, and OMG they were BOYS. MERE BOYS. My husband-at-the-time turned to me and said, "Look, there are Biff and Skippy, your pilots for this morning."

posted by JanetLand 06 May | 07:54

Reminds me of the time I went to a festival I hadn't been to in many years - a big event at the local Navy base. I had talked it up to a friends because OMG there were all sorts of cute guys in Navy uniforms there.

So we get there and realize they are all, like, 19 -- uncomfortably underage for us, gawky and prepubescent-looking, some of them.

Now I'm too old even for the officers. ;)

posted by Miko 06 May | 08:57

Yeah, I had one of those moments a few years back. Our cat was very sick, so we took her to one of the few clinics that was open weekends without charging an emergency fee. Our vet looked far too young to have even started veterinary school, let alone finished it. His whiz-bang-keen attitude didn't help, either. Kitty had to stay in for a few days, and I wanted to call to check on her but couldn't remember the vet's name (there were several vets working at the clinic). "Just ask for Doogie Howser." my partner said, "They'll know who you mean."

posted by elizard 06 May | 09:39

Wouldn't that be Doggie Howser?

That's ok. You don't have to laugh. I crack myself up, that's really all the encouragement I need.

posted by occhiblu 06 May | 10:07

Oh, occhi. *groan* I must be undercaffeinated, 'cause I laughed, too.

posted by elizard 06 May | 10:20

I think my caffeine just kicked in, because I *just* got the reveille joke.

posted by occhiblu 06 May | 11:57

GAH, I got asked "Why are you crying" by an female police officer younger than myself, and I'm 27, so I told her the reasons I was at the end of my tether, and not equipped to be harangued for driving a borrowed, (surprise!) unregistered truck, and she said "Oh. Just curious." Rude. Young turk.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 06 May | 12:35

I've applied for a handful of jobs that sound good and a shitload of jobs that sound bad, and I haven't gotten a single call back about ANY of them. But I still do my due diligence every day -- twice a day -- scouring Craigslist for the next shitty opportunity. I've been at this for a few weeks now, and I've really begun to notice how many ads there are for egg donors. (Strangely, they're filed in the jobs section.)

So I start clicking on the egg donor ads out of curiosity. Is it the same company posting over and over? Is this the new racket? You know, just curious.

I wish I hadn't, because it just ending up being a whole new layer of depression. Not only are people not calling me back for jobs I want, they're not calling me back for jobs I DON'T want. And on top of those slights -- I'M TOO FUCKING OLD TO EVEN DONATE MY EGGS! No one wants me, OR my eggs!!!

*sniff*

posted by mudpuppie 06 May | 14:13

mudpuppie, I'm gonna sign up to do egg donation. My bff is already committed to a couple in NJ, for $6K. I'll make sure to let you know how painful and regrettable it is. :)

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 06 May | 15:04

Please do. I could use a pick-me-up.

posted by mudpuppie 06 May | 15:10

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