We did not register anywhere. It did not seem to be a huge deal. The result was that we got 7 windchimes, and your yard turned into "Windchime Hell" for a few years until they fell apart.

I would leave the issue unaddressed, and then tell people if they ask. I can't think of a graceful way of putting that info on the invitation. . .

I predict 3 fondue sets, 2 s'mores makers, and 5 sets of two placemats, napkins, and napkin rings.

Yeah, we tried the no-registering thing, too. It's a losing battle. I don't think there is a way to convince folks to not give you presents.

Hm.

People really like to give gifts at weddings, as much as we all complain about that. It's an ancient tradition. They're getting something out of giving; it makes them feel like they're part of things, and completes the circle of community sanction that a wedding is supposed to be.

How about letting them give you cash, and then you can give to a charity of your choice after the fact, if you like?

Or, choose a charity now, and say "The Mudds feel fortunate to have your friendship and your company. Gifts are not necessary, but if you choose to, the Mudds would be delighted if contribututions were made to Their Favorite Charity in observance of the day."

Or something flowery like that.

Register for ridiculous things (like expensive disco balls and groceries, it's fun, think Target and Sky Mall) and set up a charity donation in your name to the charity of your choice.

I don't think there's any proper way to say it. There's certainly no proper way to say, we'd much prefer cash over gifts. Perhaps it would be best to register at a place that will give cash for returned gifts (I know Bed, Bath and Beyond does)?

A subtle way of doing it might just be linking to a couple charities you'd like to support on your website, preferably with graphics/logos and no real explanatory text.

And, actually, maybe think about what you're trying to accomplish -- what's the problem you're actually trying to solve? Are too many people contacting you, and you want that to stop? Are you just feeling awkward about phrasing your feelings when people do contact you, and you want a better phrasing? Something else?

I merely said over and over and over, "Oh, I'm sure anything you want to give us will be just wonderful." The thing is not to be afraid to repeat yourself, even 4 times in the same conversation. Just keep smiling and repeating.

Register here and make it clear that this is the only way in which you want people to give you a gift.

Nobody said toasters yet? Yeah, toasters, that's what you're going to get. I went to my friend's (who didn't register) wedding last summer and she got 4, no maybe 5?, toasters. She's in her late 30s, did people really think she didn't have a toaster yet?

Oops, sorry, no good advice! Except maybe buy some bread and butter, or jam if you prefer!

To answer some questions:
* We don't say anything about gifts or registries on our invitations.

* We actually don't particularly want anything, but we're trying to deal with the fact that MuddDude's family won't take "We're not registered anywhere" as an answer, without being rude ourselves.

* We're provided a list of charities on our website, but were struggling with what, if any, explanation should go with them. I guess that's the best we can do without shouting "WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE - YOU CAN DIRECT YOUR MONEY AS YOU CHOOSE!"

* Our biggest problem is what to tell Great Aunt Mildred when she says, "No, but really, if you're not registered how will anyone know what to get you?" JanetLand's advice may be the best :)

How about "we have everything we need, so anything you get will be great, or don't get anything at all, and that will be even better."

disclaimer: wedding gifts are not an issue I've had personally.

I also used to toss in the phrase, "People are being so NICE!" with the same gooney smile on my face.

That said, one or two people did get away with bullying me into placing an order for a gift with them, but for the most part I felt like I was resisting the pressure successfully.

What Miko and essexjan said. That's a cool link, EJ.

that being said, the mrs and I put on our invitation, "Please, no gifts." but that was because we wanted to go to NYC for the honeymoon and gave people the option to donate if they wanted to, but nothing was required to come party and celebrate with us either way. We threw a hell of a bash for 60 people that went on for about 5 hours.

We did the "no gifts" thing. In addition to the invitation, I made up a "Helpful Info for Guests" sheet that included a map and directions, emergency phone numbers and other contact info, lists of nearby motels, a weather-warning (midwinter wedding, held outside - someone was going to wear something stupid), and a very big note saying essentially that we've been living together for 10 years and we had everything that we needed so please don't buy us anything.

We received a hideous frog-pond ornament with floating candles (so damn hideous that I've tried to lose it on three seperate occasions and it keeps turning up), two picture frames, a box of chocolates, several amounts of cash and three large gift certificates to a big hardware chain.

Go figure. People will be people. Expect to get stuff no matter what you say.

Does anyone want a dining-table frog-pond thingy? With floating candles?

Does anyone want a dining-table frog-pond thingy? With floating candles?

No, but we DO want pictures!

I have been to a wedding where the bridge and groom explicitly requested charity donations.

Good for you. Some great advice here, nothing for me to add.

Only when asked, I would request a gift card to a store that would be flexible/donate-able.....
Maybe/maybe not your store to shop at, but a nationwide store card....
You can then donate them to ANY charity you choose!

Perhaps something along the lines of, "We are so happy to have found each other, and blessed to have our friends, family, and everything we need for our life together... We truly and deeply feel that the only thing that could increase our joy is to know that our marriage might also serve to bring help to others who need it, so please consider giving to one of these charities, or one of your own choice, in celebration of us."

Depending on the charity, i think they can take care of it for you under a name, like "Michelin-Steinberg Wedding" or "Mr. & Mrs Blurb." Then when it's over they tell you the total and send cards.

Thanks, bunnies. After a fitful night of sleep, I guess I'm plate of beaning this. Also, many of you seem to be so much more polite than I am, so thanks for that, too! :)

I forgot to mention that inside one of the cards we got was an oz of smokeable. XD

Get Rich Slowly had a guest post about wedding registries today.

Betsy Teutsch and I are very much alike. I think it's funny that some commenters took offense at this:

The options are overly directed. The attitude expressed, even if it’s not intentional, is DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING US SOMETHING NOT ON OUR LIST!

Because sometimes, it's an attitude directly and intentionally expressed to friends and family. Like, "OMG I registered the WHITE teapot! I can't believe she bought me a RED teapot!" Maybe it's a cultural thing - my family has this huge production associated with gift giving, that involves coded language and spies sent out to figure out what people actually want. We never ask for anything, and we never get exactly what we want.