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04 May 2008

Have you ever been grass surfing? I did it for the first time today.[More:]

It's a lovely day in Northern California. Sunny, breezy, about 72 degrees. These are, in fact, the perfect conditions for grass surfing. (It's really important that it's dry. While one may reach higher speeds and have increased maneuverability on wet grass, the other drawbacks aren't really worth it.)

The first thing you need is a large dog. The Irish Wolfhound we're dog-sitting this weekend is the ideal accessory. I realize most people probably won't start out with such a top-of-the-line dog, but hey, he was on loan! If you have one you can borrow when you're getting started, by all means, do it. Otherwise, you could probably make do with a smaller breed: Rottweiler, Great Dane, friendly Pit Bull, really obsinate Lab. Things like that. Make sure to go for something with muscle, though. You will NOT be grass surfing with a Yorkshire Terrier.

Next thing you need, obviously, is grass. I found that the greenbelt down the road from the dog's house was a perfect location. The grass was well-tended and soft. You do NOT want a space with patchy grass, or with varieties of grass that are at all prickly. TRUST ME on this. Look for nice, soft grass of the sort that, in the middle of dog-walking, would make you go "Hey, I'd really like to lie down on that grass."

Okay, next: Lie down on that grass. This is your warm-up. It's a key step. Do not skip it.

After lying on the grass for several minutes, you'll be heartily enjoying the companionship of the borrowed dog. You'll laugh when he rolls on his back, tongue lolling about. And you'll be wishing for a dog of your own, shooting down all the logical naysaying in your head.

It is now time to grass surf.

By some sort of pre-arrangement, you need to have placed a small, swift, four-legged animal near your patch of grass. Rabbits would work. Some breeds of small dogs would also be fine. In my case, I used a cat that someone had left in the bushes.

It is important now that the small animal -- again, today it was a cat (calico) -- suddenly reveal itself to the large dog. And when the large dog notices the animal (cat), make sure you hold tightly to the leash. (Otherwise, you're not grass surfing. Duh!)

Now! Maintaining a firm grip on the leash, zip along ground as the dog chases the pre-placed small animal! Yes! You are grass surfing! Hold on tight, though, 'cause otherwise you're going to lose the 'wave'.

(I think this probably actually works BEST with borrowed dogs, because even if the ride is wilder than you're comfortable with, you'll be more afraid to let go of, and thus damage, the dog. So you hang on, and get a much more thorough education in the process.)

When you've made a few rips and runs, and when the shock begins to wear off, and you're ready for the ride to end, you can try to halt the dog by yelling, yanking on the leash, or grabbing on to a nearby utility pole.

Woo hoo! You've just grass surfed! You're hooked, right??

There are a couple things I'd do differently next time. First off, I'd probably follow others' recommendations to wear knee pads. I didn't think I'd need them, and I actually thought that they might impede my ride, but I realize now that you should listen to folks with experience. Get the knee pads, kids. (Elbow pads are also probably a good idea.)

I'd also wear gloves next time, because the rope burn can really be a little painful. It may not look 'cool' to wear the pads and gloves, but hell -- it increases the comfort level. And there's no point in looking cool while you're grass surfing if you're having a miserable time doing it.

So that's it. It's a great way to spend a beautiful afternoon. You'll experience the outdoors, quality time with quality animals, a good workout, and a serious adrenaline rush.

What more could you ask for, really?
I will loan you my calico just to see this in person.
posted by occhiblu 04 May | 19:16
Ow! I thought this was going to involve cardboard or some newfangled Californie deevice.
posted by chewatadistance 04 May | 19:35
You're funny, pups.
posted by rainbaby 04 May | 19:38
Ha! Wow, great post -- the joy with which it was written was absolutely infectious, and has brought a huge smile to my face!
posted by treepour 04 May | 19:55
Dogz rule.
posted by netbros 04 May | 19:57
Love the instructions! I must find a way to try this soon.

*eyes her miniature schnauzer*
posted by rhapsodie 04 May | 20:12
i had some rotweilers take me ice skating on the sidewalk.
Not fun around corners.
posted by ethylene 04 May | 20:12
In the winter in Chicago, we used to put the rope of our plastic sled around our English mastiff's chest, and try to get him to pull us over the snow. He tended to veer around in very small circles, toppling us all into the snow.

Good times.
posted by occhiblu 04 May | 20:15
Ms. Puppie? You need to read Winterdance by Gary Paulsen.
posted by plinth 04 May | 21:36
Heh heh heh!!

By coincidence, we just took our Irish wolfhound to the lake for a walk today.

≡ Click to see image ≡

She tried to take me grass/mud surfing a couple of times. Two years ago, my partner cracked a vertebrae going leaf-surfing down a hillside towards a river that the dog suddenly decided she HAD to swim in. Yep... it's not a sport for the faint of heart.
posted by BoringPostcards 04 May | 21:42
I love you, mudpuppie.

That is all.
posted by elizard 05 May | 03:03
You do not need a large dog for this. In my case, the 14lb pug/chihuahua mutant dog works just fine. She is way stronger than a dog that size should be. There's a minor hill at the park we occasionally walk in and she thinks it's hilarious to drag me down or up that hill. Fortunately, we're normally there when there aren't children around so nobody is offended by my screaming things like, "Lulu, you FUCKER stop."
posted by fluffy battle kitten 05 May | 06:19
You've given me one good reason to borrow a dog!

I have a friend with an English Mastiff puppy. Will that do?
posted by lleachie 05 May | 08:13
Do Want.

Will the instructional video be out soon????
posted by mightshould 05 May | 08:47
I have to ask mudpuppie. . .how does your body feel this morning?
posted by danf 05 May | 09:32
Video, or it didn't happen.
posted by deborah 05 May | 11:54
X - Fourth Of July. || Lemon curd

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