That was alright though--but this is where the hurt part comes in: Yesterday, after I'd sent a buzz to someone--yeah--you guessed it. I got rejected. I got that cute little heart icon next to the person who I'd put in my buzzed folder with a crack in it, and a message from the service people saying not to lose heart and to stay on my quest for love. Or whatever. I was heart-broken--I can't remember the last time I'd felt this way. School I think. Or college at the latest, and that was something like over ten years ago. Man it still stings after all this time. Sheesh, and that heart icon and message don't make things any more nicer. You should just not reply to the person if you're not interested; at least that'll give him some hope that maybe you missed his profile or something and that you haven't "discarded" him on sight. So, what did I end up doing after my first rejection. I did what I always do when faced with a situation like this: I curled up into a ball and lay in my bed and fell into a very troubling sleep. There were all sorts of dreams where I was fighting my father who had become insane for some reason and was trying to drag my sister out of the house because she had invited a female friend of hers over and the two of them wanted to go out for a movie and my father thought that that was out of the question, so I jumped on his back and tried to get him off of her. (My father--never--ever has done anything like this ever, so I have no idea where that came from, although he's always been kinda strict with me.) So, anyway--after dozing on and off for a couple of hours, I get up and after a couple of more hours I kind of start putting things into perspective and realize that it's not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be. I then proceed to try and find an explanation as to why she'd declined my offer, and hoping it wasn't because of anything other than the fact that I lived in India, and she in the US; I thought I'd let it go as a geaographical barrier which she thought we could not cross. Of course--me being the hopeless romantic--I thought that anything was possible.

The next day, however--I decided to forget about the past's mishaps and start afresh. So I went on my quest once again and found multiple people to my liking, and this time--I decided--hey: instead of buzzing just one person and running the risk of being rejected by them and losing all hope--why not buzz multiple people and risk the chance of getting some positive feedback. And, hey--if they all decline, at least I won't feel any worse off than I would've for just that single one; it's like taking a gulp of medicine in one go, instead of in little portions.

So, there I am, sitting at my computer, all happy with what I've just done--until I realize something--what if all of them, or more than one of them end up replying... oh for goodness sake--what do I do then. Damn this dating thing is HARRRRRRD! Okay, relax--it hasn't happened yet, and if it does--we'll take care of it as the problem arises. (But what if I like all three of them and I can't decide who to reply to... do I end up replying to all three of them... and would that be considered as "cheating???") Oh, shut up you stupid brain and leave me the hell alone.

Okay, it's time for bed... that means eight more hours before I can log on to check what's happened...

Hmmm, can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep. Bad dreams, bad dreams, bad dreams. Okay, think happy thoughts--think of how lucky you're going to be after you've found "her" and then the two of you can start planning on making a life together... ahhhhh! Yes! Oh, and the sex! The sex... yes--the beautiful, glorious sex--that's going to be the best part! Hehehe. Yup. We are going to light that bed on fire and dance all over it all night long--yipeee!

Okay, I'm getting all excited now. Hmmm, that's the first time that I've become so excited ever since I started taking my medication. Of course, I've always noticed that I'm much more horny when I'm in love with someone whom I think I have a future with, and the sex--or the imaginary sex (*cough* masturbation *cough*) is SO much better.

Oh god--I can't wait till next morning, but until then--I've got some business to attend to--excuse me...

Next morning... nothing. Zilch. Nada.

The morning after that: declined; declined; and no response yet

Okay, so they were all from abroad once again, but they said that they wouldn't mind relocating... so what--is relocating to India such a big deal. Or, maybe it's just me they don't like, shucks.

Aw well, as Dwein Wein once said--I take a lick and I keep on ticking--let's see who else is out there???

For Stewie and mightshould and anyone else who was wondering where the hell I was for the past couple of days. I've got my exams coming up as well, so I might be busy with that too, and then I start work, which is at a company that I'm really, really excited about, and they were so impressed with me after the interview that they've actually decided to enroll me into their School of Leadership. I've already checked out the building--and it's got like a pool and an amphitheater and wow--I just can't wait to begin working there and really really making something out of my life now that I have such a good chance. I hope I don't screw this one up (*touches wood*) so please pray/hope for me bunnies.

Thanks, love ya's!

(*cough* masturbation *cough*)
(*touches wood*)
You'll go blind!

I am such a child

Oh hon.

You submitted to matrimonial sites while getting ready for exams??? That's like asking for the big PRESSURE!

1. Take a deep breath.
2. Worry more about your studies and work. You have exams and a new job!!! It sounds like the job has good benefits to boot.
3. Post here and elsewhere as yourself, like you do, so very honestly. People like you, in case you haven't noticed.
4. BE PATIENT. What? You expect the perfect girl in a few days? Dude, that's not going to happen.
5. Be prepared for rejection. It usually isn't even about you. It's generally about expectations.
6. Please calm down. You sound like a teenager, and I understand because you haven't had experience in a lot of this. But, please, also understand that most women looking for a mate, or even just a boyfriend, are put off by the teenager vibe. You have to be confident and comfortable with yourself. If you aren't, it shows.

Look, I'm a relatively "old" and grey-haired gal. I can't even remember how old you are. I've seen photos of you on Flickr and I see you as a handsome young man.

I understand the "nerves" and get them still. I can't believe I'm getting married again and it kind of freaks me out. But freaking out isn't productive at all. It makes you more like a hamster on a wheel, spinning for all it's worth and not getting anywhere.

I'm not trying to be rude. This is all the same stuff I often have to remind myself every day.

Chill out before you make yourself sick.
Please.

Many hugs to you.

What lilywing said. I can't write now because I have a bunch of stuff to do that can't wait, so I'm going to try to come back to this later... but I want to stress this: don't sabotage the other things you have going in your life right now with this thing. Stop. Stop.

Yeah, I kind of let my inner child go mental a bit up there, sorry about that.

What the ladies said up there ^. Seeking love online is no different to doing it in meatspace - you can't expect to get results immediately. We have become so used to instant messaging and e-mail and responses to everything in seconds that we forget sometimes that there are real people with real lives on the other side of those on-line profiles.

Take a step back, finish your exams, then go back to the dating sites and see who has taken a shine to you. Don't obsess over it and don't hover at the sites waiting for signs of interest. Be cool. If nothing else, you don't want to appear too eager to girls - first impressions count in so many ways.

Also, we're here for your, dude, if you need us.

Oh, sweetpea. I'm glad you can pour your heart out here. But I'm with the others who are saying that you need to chill and keep your mind on your studies and work right now. You've got some really exciting and wonderful sounding opportunities on the horizon, so concentrate on that right now...

And you know what else? I had a long paragraph here about how to make your profile more appealing to people, but I deleted it. Because I think that the best approach for you right now is to get out and get socializing with people who will become your *friends*. Men and women alike. This is the first step, I think, in becoming more comfortable in your skin. It's too easy to hole up (I sure do it at times!). It's a known entity.

Some other things I second heartily:
• People like you, in case you haven't noticed.
• I see you as a handsome young man
• You have to be confident and comfortable with yourself. If you aren't, it shows.
• If nothing else, you don't want to appear too eager to girls
• But freaking out isn't productive at all. It makes you more like a hamster on a wheel, spinning for all it's worth and not getting anywhere.


Hadjiboy, you are so so very cute and sweet and wonderful. Putting yourself out there on matrimonial sites is a big step in itself. It's a good step to take, but it's really creating anxiety, fear, racing thoughts, and a whole host of other concerns. This is another reason why I'm thinking you should go for more activities in the friend-only zone. It's one step back from looking for love, but it's an important one. Cultivate a group of good friends, find something you love to do and get involved with it. Volunteer. Find a club. Get out there.

And don't expect things to be immediate, even with friends. It takes time, and trial and error. And even then things won't always work at first. It's not like the first person you come across will be your best friend for ever and ever. I think if you step back a bit and do these other friend-seeking things it will put you in a much more secure position, and you'll feel less angst when it does come time to look for love. It will come.

Much love, Stew

Oh my god, I love everyone here so much.

A million times what Stew said. Remember that you have lots of time! If you don't find your true love this year, next year, or even five years from now, your life's not over!

(And when you do find your true love, it's not all roses and sunsets, but we can talk about that later :)

Hadjiboy, one thing you need to keep in mind is that you are a very special person -- you have a gift for writing and a gift for honestly talking about some of those parts of your world that some people would just as soon hide from. For example, you are honest about your parents rather than hiding the truth, you have a sensitivity for women's rights, things like that.

This makes you a rare gem, and at the same time someone who needs to be particular about who you end up with. To some people, honesty is just plain scary.There are some women (or some women's parents) who won't appreciate you because they don't want to hear the questions you have to ask about the world. Just as well, because you would not feel fulfilled in a marriage where you couldn't be yourself.

It's going to take patience, and not taking it personally when you are rejected. I know -- it took me longer than it will take you to find someone because I was actively looking for the wrong person (long story). You at least don't have that baggage.