MetaChat - Let yourself off the hook.

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28 April 2008

Let yourself off the hook. What are you not going to do? →[More:]I was perusing this astute book the other day. It's organized as a bunch of very short pieces of advice about making the most of your creative talents. One of them hit home, and it was: stop trying to do everything and be good at everything. You don't have to. Be good at what you're good at, do what you enjoy doing, and then let others do all the other things. Others whose calling involves those things.

It struck me as wise. Then during a meeting this morning, one of my good friends told us how she had just this morning decided she was not going to play the guitar. She had always had the goal of learning the guitar, and kept trying to make THIS the year, only to have it be shoved aside. Finally she decided to free herself from the idea that one day she would learn to play the guitar. Wisdom in this, as well.

For those of us who are hungry to live, achieve, and experience, it's hard not to want to do everything and to feel as though you should do everything you have set out for yourself. Doubtless you could achieve all those goals. But in the process of chasing down every milepost, we exhaust ourselves. We really don't have to do it all, let alone do it all well. In fact, we probably can't do it all well.

I think I could stand to free myself from a few expectations of this sort. I think I am not going to try to play a lot of gigs. I've always had this fantasy that I would one day concentrate on music to the degree that I could maintain a few-nights-a-month show schedule. A couple weeks ago I played a gig and just didn't have my heart in it. I don't get much out of being onstage - I don't really need or want it. The parts of music I like are (a) playing with other people, (b) songwriting, and (c) singing my own songs and traditional songs. I don't really need to have a goal of getting out there more often in front of an audience. It's okay. I'm gonna let that go. That's for someone else to do. There are plenty other things to spend my energy on.

What are you going to not do?

post by: Miko at: 18:36 | 19 comments

I am an expert at not doing stuff.

I could make a list of all the stuff I'm not doing right now. But that would distract me from not doing something else.

posted by BitterOldPunk 28 April | 18:46

What are you not going to do?

There aren't enough pixels.

posted by jonmc 28 April | 18:47

I'm going to not take everything to heart. I tend to get myself all wound up thinking I've done something wrong when people have bad reactions or things go wrong. I never consider that they're having a bad day or having issues of their own. I always assume it's me. My husband pointed it out to me this weekend (in a non-confrontational way): I get so nervous when I do certain things because I'm so afraid I'll screw it up, and I'll get yelled at. He's right; I need to calm down. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has bad days, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Most times it has nothing to do with me. Life is short - we should enjoy it.

posted by redvixen 28 April | 18:52

Getting off the hook is not so much a problem - it's getting hooked in the first place. I'm rather trout-like that way. (And that is probably the only way in which I am trout-like.)

posted by bmarkey 28 April | 18:55

That, and the gills.

posted by BitterOldPunk 28 April | 18:56

I took that as a given.

posted by bmarkey 28 April | 19:03

Not that i ever really thought about it much, but this whole pain episode has had me thinking that, depending on how this turns out, it might finally give me a reason to pack away any thoughts on bearing children of my own.

posted by ethylene 28 April | 19:05

In the immediate sense: I'm not going to a work get-together tomorrow night that I said I'd go to. It's a minor thing, but I never really participate in work functions, and feel like I should every now and then. But it's a pain, since I get off work at 3 pm and most of the other folks attending don't get out till 6 pm. I never want to go home and then come back downtown, so... I'm blowing it off.

posted by BoringPostcards 28 April | 19:06

I'm still too busy molting in general to allow myself off the hook on anything really. I'm still stretching and trying stuff on. Once I get a better idea though, I'm sure I'll let some stuff go. I'm learning the guitar, painting, wandering, saying yes more, saying no when I should, etc. Oh yeah, and I'm still going to work and raising a couple of kids. It's busy days.

posted by richat 28 April | 19:24

Our local alt weekly has a pretty decent "horoscope" column. My horoscope for last week was to focus on the stuff I really want to do, the stuff I really need to do, and the stuff I can do. Everything else that I'm trying to do is just cluttering stuff up.

So yeah, timely.

posted by muddgirl 28 April | 19:28

Is that Free Will Astrology, muddgirl? I love that column. Even if you don't believe in horoscopes it's full of darn good advice.

posted by Miko 28 April | 20:06

Favoriting redvixen's comment. Multiple times.

posted by mosessis 28 April | 20:44

For me, I'm giving up on the goal of learning Python for now. I've been too busy learning other things - guitar, Spanish, life - and having that goal is just making me guilty for not doing it. So I'm going to let that go for now.

*breathes out*

*feels better*

posted by mosessis 28 April | 20:52

This is an easy one for me -- I'm done pretending that I'm going to learn a language. That I'm going to learn an instrument. That I'm going to travel lots of strange places (I'm mostly a terrible traveler). That I'm going to throw pots (the clay on the wheel thing). These are things I've tried several times and had zero aptitude and little fun.

The one I'm not sure about -- I think I'd like to write ... something. Essays, a book, something. That one I still think about.

posted by Claudia_SF 28 April | 22:26

Deal with family bullshit. Fuck em.

posted by pompomtom 28 April | 22:44

I might let myself off the hook on my quality of life. I feel that it's not as good as it was before trying academics. And I feel academics is bad for people's souls. I still feel that there is some way to make it here, though.

posted by halonine 28 April | 23:33

I'm not going to plan my mother's brithday party.

My last final exam and last paper due both fall on her birthday, and no one in my family has bothered to respond to my mention that I'd be happy to do some planning in advance if they'd let me know by last week which time and place we decided on.

Nobody. Including my mother.

So, y'know, fuck it. I have tons of actual work to do (hello, up and typing like a Shakespearean monkey at 2:30 a.m. for a reason, right?), and no need to feel guilty. I assume somebody will step into the breach to plan it, and I'll go and bring a present and make merry.

posted by Elsa 29 April | 01:23

I'm not going to run a marathon.

I'm not going to to paint canvas floor rugs (something I have wanted to do in the back of my head. I even bought an expensive design book years ago.)

I am not going to take up ceramic mosaics.

I am not going to worry about going back to school (at this time).

I am not going to worry so much what my children's talents are.

I am not going to associate with small-minded people. It drains the soul.

posted by LoriFLA 29 April | 07:08

I'm not going to learn to draw.

posted by drezdn 29 April | 08:51

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