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15 April 2008

Remember a few days ago, I mentioned the ass-slapper. It keeps getting better.→[More:] Today, there was a guy in line with a box full of books. I went over to him and said 'You're next, c'mon..' and lifted his box, walking counterward. 'You don't have to do that,' he said. 'It's my job, dude.' 'But, it's heavy,' [it wasn't really], 'I lift stuff for a living, man,' I assured him as we arrived at the counter. Hearing that, he pinched my bicep and said 'I guess so.' WTF, people? First of all, anyone who has seen me in person, knows that my arms resemble the legs of praying mantis rather than a bodybuilder's. Second of all, what posesses people to touch somebody they just met. That's awful presumptuous. First my ass, now my arms, what next? Am I going to have to start wearing a cup to work?

post by: jonmc at: 18:40 | 16 comments

Skip the cup, go for full body armor.

posted by youngergirl44 15 April | 19:04

It's a curse to be beautiful. :)

posted by Pips 15 April | 19:08

Someone must be giving off the pheromones I guess!

posted by gomichild 15 April | 19:08

Truth be told, it's kind of flattering in a demented way [unsolicited bodily probing notwithstanding] and I'm not a homophobic guy, but I may be the straightest looking guy on the planet, not to mention I have a huge wedding band on my left hand. Am I jamming the gaydar??

posted by jonmc 15 April | 19:08

Don't be so hard on yourself--lots of dudes are straighter-looking than you are.

posted by box 15 April | 19:13

Huge wedding band hey? You rascal trying to play hard to get.....

posted by gomichild 15 April | 19:15

box: Black Chucks, plaid flannel, minor league baseball cap, Dictators t-shirt? That's about as het as you can get, dude.

posted by jonmc 15 April | 19:16

complete non sequitor: I just put some leftover sloppy joe meat on top of leftover tater tots, shook on some hot sauce and extra-sharp cheddar shreds. It kicks ass. Someone call a fast food chain.

posted by jonmc 15 April | 19:49

I thought you were gonna say you got a purple nurple.

posted by chewatadistance 15 April | 19:57

My friend Craig used to make something like that at the bar he cooked at. Get a bowl, put a cooked hamburger patty on the bottom, add a layer of tater tots, top with chili.

posted by jtron 15 April | 20:05

I expect Sonic could do that.

posted by bunnyfire 15 April | 20:54

Skip the cup, go for full body armor.

Speedo Lazr

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by netbros 15 April | 22:24

Black Chucks and plaid flannel sounds a bit gay but I vote for lots of manly pheromones.

posted by arse_hat 15 April | 22:57

Black Chucks, plaid flannel, minor league baseball cap, Dictators t-shirt?

Dudes are just dying to break through all that heterosexual armor.

posted by Hellbient 15 April | 23:16

I just put some leftover sloppy joe meat on top of leftover tater tots, shook on some hot sauce and extra-sharp cheddar shreds. I did that(sans hot sauce) the last time I ate at the Trailer Park Lounge

posted by brujita 16 April | 00:26

Am I jamming the gaydar??

In outward appearance I think you straddle the line between a Springsteen- & baseball-loving, macho, straight guy and a Springsteen- & baseball-loving, macho, gay guy. I don't mean that in any bad way. Something about the 'stache. You're either a guy's guy or a guy's guy.

posted by D.C. 16 April | 00:35

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