MetaChat - The Museum of Broken Relationships

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08 April 2008

The Museum of Broken Relationships The MeFi thread I linked to gave me a great idea for a thread to start here. What objects do you have sitting around that are artifacts of past relationships, and what poignant, sweet, insightful or funny stories can you tell us about them? Of course you know I have a couple of stories at the ready....→[More:]

Story #1. A former roommate of mine was once given a promise ring by a boyfriend. He claimed it was very expensive, that he had broken the bank to buy it for her. Later she discovered it came from the Avon catalogue and cost $20 — frankly, it was inevitable she should discover her boyfriend had lied, because the ring was hilariously, obviously, not costly. Whenever she was depressed about being single she would get it out and laugh at it.

Story #2 A college boyfriend of mine asked me to knit him a piano scarf. I dutifully began making him one for Christmas, though I found it just beyond tacky and cheesy and had to drive myself to make something that was so at odds with my own taste. We broke up in early December. He didn't behave that well, so I didn't want to go ahead and give him the scarf, but I was at a loss as to what to do with it. There was no point ravelling it out because as a poor college student I'd used a rather crappy yarn. I gave it to my sister, because she plays the piano, but she didn't really want it either. So it wound up in the dress up/toy box in my parents' basement and my nieces and nephews played with it. I think it might still be there, though it would be in rough shape by now. I resolved that I would never again make something that was so against the grain of my own aesthetic standards — and I never have. If someone I care about wants something specific, I find a way to make it so that it's pleasing to both the recipient and me.

A year and a half ago, 13 years after we'd broken up, my ex and I got back into touch, and he's now a good friend of mine. I still knit, so he asked me if I could knit him a piano scarf. I told him the story of the piano scarf he had never gotten. He got all wistful, but I was unmoved. I'll knit him a blue scarf sometime, to go with his blue eyes and now silvered hair. And for the man I currently have my sights set on, I have a sweater pattern and a colour mentally selected. I've gotten very sure of my taste in the past 15 or so years, both in knitting projects and in men.

post by: Orange Swan at: 09:37 | 20 comments

I was thinking there was a piano scarf in the 'Beat It' video, but after skimming it on YouTube I'm not so sure.

posted by box 08 April | 09:51

I have a little "bat" thingy in my key ring. The beloved and I were, one summer evening, talking on the phone, each of us in our yards, and watching (for) bats, each in our own states. I was seeing some, and from what I remember, she did not see any but was looking.

Lo and behold, this little pewter strip engraved with some sort of Native American totem of a bat comes in the mail. Once during a fight I took it off the keyring and lost it. When we made up, I didn't tell her, but then I ran across it, and told her the story. She's long gone but I will likely keep this bat thingy on my key ring for as long as they let me have a key ring.

(I have a piano scarf also, Orange Swan)

posted by danf 08 April | 10:13

The one boy I ever really loved (but didn't tell) before I met mr. gaspode wasn't one of the 3+ year relationships, but an on-again off-again long distancey thing that was just a wrong place wrong time situation. (He remains to this day an excellent friend - we stayed with him for a few days last year in London.)

Anyway, the first time he ever stayed with me, he left guitar picks scattered around my bedroom. Tidiness was not his forte. I collected them up, and still have them, for some reason. I've no idea why. Thinking about them makes me smile though.

posted by gaspode 08 April | 10:41

the meh
I have two goldish-metal (almost certainly not gold) junk-store pins --- the first gifts that M. ever gave me. I loved them. They're remnants of badges, probably from some men's association; I never could make out the insignia.

After that relationship fell apart, M. drove down to see me and gave me a cream and sugar set of Blue Hill pottery, which I collect.

The pins and the pottery, the first and last gifts M. ever gave me, are the only gifts that show he knew who I was. All the others were gifts about who he thought I ought to be.

the aaaaaaaw
I have a Crayola tin S. gave me for Christmas in 1989, weeks after we started seeing each other. At the time, it held a box of crayons and a typewritten note quoting Heathers: "Color me stoked, girl!"

He was a good guy. I wonder what happened to him.

the oh!
I cherish the very handsome small quilt my late partner E. made for me. It's the only quilt he ever finished.

As a surprise, he made me a matching pillow. It's modelled after one Bette David prized in her later years; I had a postcard photo of her holding it, proudly displaying its cross-stitched motto: Old age ain't no place for sissies.

E. had intended to make me that pillow after we grew old together, but we both knew he wouldn't grow old.

I dreamed of him last night.

posted by Elsa 08 April | 10:48

[Obviously, that should read "Bette Davis." I am duh.]

posted by Elsa 08 April | 10:55

Oh. . one other. . .hidden WAY up on a closet for decades are these sweatpants that I had on, the last (and first and only) night someone I was in love with slept together. Unwashed, with (presumably) some of her cells, of whatever kind, in the fabric.

posted by danf 08 April | 11:10

I have a pair of diamond earrings. They were a Christmas present from the man I had the most intense love affair with .. someone who eventually caused me great pain. I don't wear them because I feel like it would be an insult to my husband (he knows where they came from) and I haven't had them made into something else because they would still be from That Guy. I don't know what to do with them or why I keep them around. I guess I don't really want to do anything with them. And you can't just throw away diamond earrings.

posted by Kangaroo 08 April | 11:54

I still have one of those "Cabbage Patch Kids", the ones that caused such a fervor in the early 1980's. My "first true love" was working at a local store much like "Toy R Us". I was a teen, but since they were all the rage he thought he'd get one for me. It's a bald baby boy. I found out much later that he actually got it by "five finger discount". The poor doll, he was actually loved on by my boys when they were small, now he occupies a box full of treasured stuffed animals.

Oh, and predating that is a hand thrown ceramic pot/vase. A boy I adored had a brother who made his own pottery, and I was allowed to choose one I liked. The boy and I ended badly, but I've had that pot/vase since I was 15 years old. I've used it in my kitchen to hold utensils, or as a vase.

That same boy taught me how to throw knives. The ones he taught me with weren't balanced throwing knives; they were large Bowie type knives. I got very good at throwing them. After he broke up with me, I in turn broke the heart of his best friend. One morning I awoke to find both of the knives on my doorstep, blades broken from the shafts. They're still in a memory box in my shed. I don't know why.

posted by redvixen 08 April | 12:35

The notebook that holds the current volume of my journal was a gift from an ex, the only present he ever gave me in all the years we've known each other. It has a reproduction of a page from the manuscript of Tess of the d'Ubervilles on the cover, and a faux aged leather spine. Ex-Man told me he thought it was a good choice because it was edited. It was, and I also have a notebook fetish. I've been using it for several years now, as it's a good-sized notebook and I write small and somewhat sporadically. Because I've been occasionally seeing this ex as "more than friends" for some years, and we have a passionate yet irrevocably dead-end relationship, this journal chronicles many rough passages with him as well as the good times, as well as my frustration with the repeated disappointments and rejections of my search to find someone I can really be with. And, as the book draws close to being full, I have, it seems, finally let Ex-Man go, and I am beginning to hope that I have at last found someone else.

Only the next volume will tell. I have a blank notebook all ready. It's a lovely notebook too, a spiral bound book with a felted rose on the cover. But I just bought it at Value Village for $2, and so it won't seem quite as freighted as the Tess notebook does.

posted by Orange Swan 08 April | 13:34

I have, seriously, a large bowl of smooth black beach stones brought to me from an island by an ex. And a small, cast-resin gargoyle that bears a strong resemblance to the last fellow who broke my heart. My ex-husband repaired my favorite kitchen knife after we split, because it's such a nice tool.

It would perhaps be fair to say that I have a tall fence topped with broken glass and barbed wire surrounding my heart, in memory of my ex-husband, with help from a few others. I might be ready to meet someone worth dismantling it for.

posted by theora55 08 April | 13:51

I still have a blue merino-wool sweater I wore to death the six months or so he and I dated - to the extent that the post-break-up autumn (no need for sweaters in the California summer) a group of friends around me told me it was time to let the sweater go, though I ended up hiding it in the bottom of my suitcase in the dorm. A few months later, when I was moving out of my residence hall, one of the Sweater Police caught a glimpse of it while I was packing and said that everyone was worried that they'd been too hard on me, and that she was really glad I hadn't thrown it away.

And while not objects, a few of the songs on my computer were downloaded by him to make a CD for me - though the CD's gone, I still have the playlist and all the .mp3s.

posted by mdonley 08 April | 14:03

What objects do you have sitting around that are artifacts of past relationships..?

NONE ! Not after I BURNED THEM ALL ! Ha Ha ! Ha ha ha !

Kidding.

I have a nice plaster angel from one ex.

The LOL:

When the breakup turned sour and she wanted me back (or, more likely, she just realized I didn't want her back and I was in WAY less than the heartbroken mess of a condition she liked to leave her conquests in), she offered to take it back "if it reminded me too much of her." Heh! I said, "No, no problem." Actually, she was a real headcase, and I feel sorry for her.

Score another angel:

I have a nice little abstract painting, many cards, and some poems (written, um... on my wall) from my most recent ex. And she gave my Mom a cool angel candleholder last Xmas. A theme?

Can't think, at the mo', what else shwag I've scored, other than a DVD of I ♥ Huckabees. But I am irrationally scared that there's some ex-GF out there who gave me something wonderful, whom I'm now forgetting, and of course she's magically reading this.

Oh, wait, my childhood sweetheart (beginning at age three!) Julie sent me this pic in 6th grade after she moved away:

≡ Click to see image ≡

Beuatiful, inn't she? *Shhhh*...don't tell anyone: I still kinda love her. Always will, I guess. That's how it goes.

posted by shane 08 April | 14:09

I was all set to say I don't have anything from ex-boytoys, but that's not true. There are the patent leather platform boots. With flames.

posted by desjardins 08 April | 14:17

LOL: One of my erstwhile sweethearts was a big snowboarder, and for a time I tailed along after him. I still have my wicked rad funky-green baggy Burton snowboard pants. Though I no longer think about the possibility of maybe snowboarding, they make awesome snowpants for shoveling the walk and sledding.

posted by Miko 08 April | 14:21

My ex said the thing of mine that he liked the most was my blue and black gym lock, so for months when I went to the gym, I thought about him. Then I quit the gym and lost the lock. So there!

I still have a broken ring from my high school boyfriend and earrings from the most recent. I wear the earrings, it wasn't an upsetting breakup.

posted by rmless2 08 April | 14:35

Shoes found while cleaning-up the remains of an eleven-year relationship. She apparently had bought them at a secondhand or vintage clothing shop (there was a price tag). She most certainly intended to use them someday.

posted by D.C. 08 April | 18:38

Oooh, let's see. I have a pair of pearl earrings with eensy diamond chips that my first "real" boyfriend in high school got me. I also have a Carolina hoody appropriated from a man I saw for a while. The borrowed copy of "Che para principiantes" went to the book swap.

Oh gosh. I almost forgot. I also have a ring left from my most serious relationship, which was eons ago. It's this one. Too bad we were both young and messed up when we dated. I think he could have been the one. Ah well.

posted by Stewriffic 08 April | 18:58

I can't remember if I have the dried petals from the very first rose that my very first boyfriend ever gave me, but I do have the pink heart box that I kept it in. I'm currently trying to sell the rest of the Barbies he also got me as Xmas gifts. Oh, and still have the promise ring, too.

I don't think Jim ever got me anything sentimental, and I have a cornhusk witch that Frank gave me. There's also a stuffed animal hanging around here that Alex gave me.

posted by TrishaLynn 08 April | 23:01

Julie is lovely, keep that always, shane.

I have pictures and letters, but they are all properly put away and not on display. And I guess the all the music that reminds me of people. No objects.

posted by rainbaby 09 April | 21:36

And no hard core, incriminating pictures or letters. In the Julie realm, but over more time.

I got rid of my fist batch of love letters, in full, and in anger, and I regret it. I wish I had some selected keepsakes from the archive.

posted by rainbaby 09 April | 21:39

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