MetaChat - What is one thing you admire about each of your parents?

Dad: Dry sense of humor, which I have inherited.

Mom: Unconditional love and compassion. As a parent now, I can appreciate this even more.

posted by danf 03 April | 10:13

Mom: Achievements in her career - she went back to school when I was in middle school and worked her way up in journalism from assistant to reporter to now managing editor. Great example of following your passion and not giving up on yourself.

Dad: Clever, mentally lively and hardworking. He's great with machinery and fascinated with space and engineering. He has always not only worked very hard at his job, to high standards, but also always had projects around the house that took care of every little thing. Where my dad is, stuff does not stay broken long, plants flourish, chores get done, and animals are treated like royalty.

posted by Miko 03 April | 10:20

Moms: The only thing she cares about in the world is other people.

Pops: Dude's real handy, and always willing to try to fix something or to help somebody with their project or whatever.

posted by box 03 April | 10:26

Mom: Ability to see through bullshit a mile ahead. Focuses on what's important, ignores the rest.

Dad: Enthusiasm abuot life and trying things- he took a missions trip to China over his spring break!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 03 April | 10:33

Mom: Her ability to completely ignore what is in front of her.

Dad: His ability to fix just about anything. And if it's something he doesn't know how to fix, by god, everything in his world comes to a halt until he can solve that one goddamn problem.

posted by sperose 03 April | 10:36

Mom: She never stopped growing, learning, or getting healthier. She learned to swim at 45 to overcome her fear of water, and she got therapy and medication in her 60's to overcome severe anxiety/depression issues.

Dad: Never quit taking an opportunity to learn either. When most of his co-workers didn't get on-job training to develop more skills because they figured they were protected by the union, he would take more training. He kept his job through many layoffs because of this.

posted by lleachie 03 April | 10:39

Mother: sense of humor.

Dad: intelligence and how much he cared about his family.

posted by JanetLand 03 April | 10:42

Mum: Artistic ability. The woman can play something like 7 different musical instruments, and used to write musicals for my school (we went to the school she taught at for several years). A couple of years ago she took up painting; last year she started working in pen & ink as well. And guess what, she's also really good at visual arts. She did a pen & ink drawing of a big cedar near my cabin that perfectly captured the spirit of the thing, and I'd never really noticed that tree until she drew it.

Dad: Intellectual curiosity. He taught himself programming languages back in the early 80s so he could write his own billing spreadsheet, has always got his nose in a computer or philosophy book, and now he's learning Russian. (Of course, this may be not unrelated to the Russian prof he's dating, but still. Russian! Now he can say, "May I have three Wednesdays, please" should he be short of Wednesdays in Moscow.) He may not be able to fix a leaky faucet, and may not be terribly socially ept (he doesn't like most people and tends to intimidate without knowing it), but his mind is a wondrous thing.

posted by elizard 03 April | 10:47

I've been thinking and I honestly can't come up with a thing. This makes me very sad.

posted by gaspode 03 April | 10:54

Mom: truly gives a shit about all people and has a big heart and shares freely of her energy and money to make the world a better place.

Dad: brilliant mad-scientist tinkerer with a wicked sense of humor and a tenacious ability to handle problems [i.e. approach, attack and SOLVE] that I swear I've never seen repeated.

Both: a very "why do you care what other people think, be happy, be excellent" approach to life and parenting. Sometimes backfired.

posted by jessamyn 03 April | 10:58

Mom: brilliant, confident, and highly creative. Great sense of humor. A gem, really. I miss her terribly.

Dad: a huge heart, very sensitive. I inherited both which are often a curse.

posted by chewatadistance 03 April | 11:12

Mom: How she just keeps fighting for what she believes in. Even when the odds are against her. Even when she's physically or emotionally exhausted. Once, a used car dealership tried to trick her into buying a lemon, and she fought that thing all the way to her state representative. Tied to that is her strong sense of justice and her belief in the fundamental difference between right and wrong.

Dad: He, too, is a fighter, but in a different way. I guess I admire his strong work ethic and his sense of responsibility to the rest of his family. My dad has a long-term debilitating illness, as well as a physical injury to his right eye. And yet, he still tries to provide for the rest of us, as well as caring for his ill parents and his dependent siblings.

I deleted a bunch of negatives associated with the traits I admire. It's a weird thing - in each case, their strengths are just the other side of their weaknesses.

posted by muddgirl 03 April | 11:13

Mom: Other people tend to really like her. Sure, she still and always drives ME batshitz, but at least I know she's NOT batshitz, because of the way she reflects through others.

Dad: Was a mechanic in the Air Force, WWII. He never saw action, but joined a minor league baseball team, got a free drivers liscense, and made a point to have his picture taken in the cockpit AS IF he was a fighter pilot. Then went to Penn State and Columbia on the GI Bill.

posted by rainbaby 03 April | 11:24

Mother: Optimistic. Naturally happy and cheerful. Organized. Low tolerance for bullshit and whining. Non-complainer. Mature. Reasonable. Caring. Goes with the flow. Takes excellent care of herself. nTakes excellent care of her stuff! Loves to learn.

Father: Organized. Good money manager. Lives within his means. Non-impulsive when it comes to purchases. Funny. Charismatic. Go-getter. Green thumb. Loves to learn.

posted by LoriFLA 03 April | 11:32

Mum: tenacity and perseverance. She was a bartender while I was growing up. In my late teens she managed, with no skills, to get an office job with a savings & loan. She worked there for twenty years and retired two and a half years ago. She was able to buy two homes (the second of which she still lives in) and retire at 65; two things she thought she'd never be able to do.

Dad: ~~the ability to ignore the fact that he had five children, not one.~~ Can't really think of anything to admire about the man.

posted by deborah 03 April | 11:35

Both parents: Not overprotective, at all, almost to the point of being blase. My sister was maced last year at her school, and we joked that such an incident would probably make some peopele freak out and pull their children out of the school, or call the school and the police and demand justice, our parents were just like, oh, too bad, that stinks, anyway, what else is going on? We laughed about it, but agreed we prefer it that way.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 03 April | 11:49

I've been thinking and I honestly can't come up with a thing. This makes me very sad.

I'll be sad with you. The only good things I can think of about my parents are physical traits. They were both really attractive on the outside.

posted by iconomy 03 April | 11:53

Mom: Mom has survived so much, she's totally the Queen of Denial but, she is one strong cookie.

Dad: He may be misguided in ~~most~~ all of his emotional relationships but he doesn't give up on his family no matter what.

(Now, having written that, have I just described the masculine and feminine aspects of myself? Oh wait, No time for that, I'm running late to therapy.)

posted by MonkeyButter 03 April | 11:53

Mom has blossomed in the past year. She packed up and sold the old house after Dad died and moved to a retirement village, saying she wanted to be part of a community... and to our astonishment, she's now always out doing: playing bridge, volunteering at the soup kitchen, going to dinner parties, having cocktail parties, visiting with new friends... it's quite amazing. I'm so happy for her.

Dad was great at big gestures of love, meaningful gifts and tokens as well as private forms of help.

posted by Elsa 03 April | 12:11

Mom: The cleanest, most organized, efficient, weirdly logical person I know. Also, great design sense.
Dad: Was very smart, very funny, very charming when he wanted to be. . .

posted by mygothlaundry 03 April | 12:12

Mom: The kindest soul with the most delicate shell, unpretentious to the point of being childlike, loves to learn and love.

Dad: Drop dead sexy. Gave up drinking.

Stepdad #1: Clever motherfucker. Loves my little brother.

Stepdad #2: Devoted husband, patient father-figure, (and how I need that) a widower and an adopter of my little sister, and presently, me. Childlike like mom, so they're well matched. He rides a motorcycle and collects RC Airplanes.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 03 April | 12:18

Mom: Exhibits a robotic stoicism in the face of adversity. Her "suck it up and move on" attitude used to infuriate me when I was younger, but I find myself adopting it more as I get older. Similarly, she has no patience for whiners and those who don't take responsibility for their own happiness. If something's bothering you, change it. If you're not willing to change it, then shut the hell up.

Dad: My father has a wicked sense of humor. He also has no tolerance for bullies and isn't afraid of necessary confrontation. He once saw a couple scuffling on the side of the road and stopped to intervene. Turned out the guy was trying to drag the woman into the woods to do god knows what. Just recently, he jacked up a guy who was smacking his kid around in public.

posted by jrossi4r 03 April | 12:29

Mom: went out of her way to raise my brother and I to never have a shred of self-doubt. Any time one of us would talk about something we hoped we'd be able to do in the future, her attitude was, "Of course you can. You can do it." Also, she instilled the love of music in both of us, which is something I can't imagine living without.

Dad: had a succession of offbeat hobbies that continue to this day. Taught us to be interested in everything around us, and to pursue those interests if they made us happy.

posted by BoringPostcards 03 April | 12:33

Mother: Nothing

Father: Nothing

posted by essexjan 03 April | 12:46

Mom: Strong work ethic, dependable, social in ways I wish I inherited, great laugh.

Dad: Intelligent, contrarian, open-minded in surprising ways, surprisingly strong and athletic, good mustache.

posted by mullacc 03 April | 12:54

I'd like to add that this was hard for me to come up with as well, but I did it as an exercise. I have major family issues, so I thought it'd be good to remember I could have had it much worse.

posted by rainbaby 03 April | 13:16

Dad: fucking awesome self-taught carpenter.

Mom: wonderfully normal for such a bizarre history.

posted by eamondaly 03 April | 13:18

Mom: Extreme good-heartedness, love of nature, playfulness.

Dad: Amazing intelligence, vastly varied skills, quirky mind.

posted by Specklet 03 April | 13:27

Me too, rainbaby.

I am genuinely interested in how wonderful, intelligent people like gaspode and essexjan were able to accomplish so much in life while having despicable parents. I won't go as far as to say that I admire my father as a whole, but he does have some admirable qualities. gaspode and jan, you must have had some close supportive relatives or other adults that have influenced you positively. I don't expect you to explain. I'm wondering out loud. I've always been very intrigued with family upbringings because mine was so dysfunctional. I've always held the mental picture that most successful, well-adjusted people were raised by loving, supportive parents.

posted by LoriFLA 03 April | 13:29

Mom: Knows a whole heck of a lot and is happy to give advice to people who ask for it and to family members who don't...

Dad: Happy to take on your causes with you and for you sometimes to excess, historically- not so much now , (and legality be damned, mostly).

Both: Friends with "good people" no matter what their outside trappings say- felon? professor? that stuff doesn't matter.

posted by small_ruminant 03 April | 13:30

To all those with family issues --

I have them too, and if you had asked me those questions 10 or 15 years ago, I would have found nothing good about each of them either. As we have gotten older, we have made a lot of peace with each other and our pasts. As I said, my mom got healthier as she got older. And this gives me hope for anyone and everyone.

posted by lleachie 03 April | 13:35

My mom is the most type A person I know. She never rests when there's work to be done (wish I'd inherited the work ethic and not just the restlessness).

My dad was a really great dad before my parents divorced. We spent so much time together. When he played drums, he'd let me sit on his knee. He took me to work with him. We were always going out somewhere; to a park, to watch hot-air balloon races (best part of living in Louisville), or just going on random drives (hey, let's go to Cincinnati/Indianapolis/Chattanooga!). He had a shitty relationship with his dad and for the first 10 years of my life, he made it his mission to make sure I didn't get the same. It can't have been easy for him, especially without a role model or any personal experience, but I never ever felt like I was imposing on him. We were totally and completely best buddies. Looking back, I can really admire that about him when I took it for granted as a child.

posted by Eideteker 03 April | 13:36

LoriFLA, I left home at 16, never went back. Moved to London at 17. The only relative I was close to was my aunt (who died last August), but she lived 250 miles away so I saw her rarely.

I was pretty much fucked up until I got sober 9 years ago.

posted by essexjan 03 April | 13:45

(I don't know my father, so it's just my mother that I'm talking about).

Lori, it's not that my mother is despicable. She's just.... there. I can think of something nice about her though - she always made sure that I had a lot of books to read growing up. But on the whole, she never really parented me.From a very young age, I had a feeling that our lives just ran on parallel tracks, without intercepting. I dunno. I guess I can describe what it was like growing up with her in that I got myself ready for school from the first day, age 5, onwards. She was still in bed. It was middle school before I worked out that I should brush my teeth, because she never taught me that. It was college, and living away from home that I realised that people really ate breakfast (not just on tv.)

posted by gaspode 03 April | 13:52

Dad--integrity. If he said he'd do something, you knew it'd be done. He was always working when I was a kid, so he didn't come to baseball games and band concerts and stuff, but he didn't say he would, either. When I was going through my divorce, he said he'd never judge me, and would give me whatever financial help I needed. My mom sided with my ex-wife, and still, 10 years later, freakin' vacations with her; she forbade Dad from sending me money. He did it anyway, because he thought it was the right thing to do, and because he said he would. I'd come home to find an envelope in the (outdoors) mailbox with $500 in cash stuffed inside. I learned a lot from that man.

Mom--hard work. Neither of her parents graduated from highschool, but she worked her way through 2-year nursing school in the 60s. When my brother and I started school, she went back for a 4-year degree, then a masters, then a PhD (at 52). We'd come down for breakfast in the morning to find her asleep at the kitchen table, face down in a book. I don't get along with her nearly as well as I did with Dad, but I do respect her.

posted by mrmoonpie 03 April | 14:32

yea, I got nothin' here, either. I sometimes feel like I grew up despite my parents. I don't have much anger or resentment towards either of them, and my dad's a smart scientist (now, after spending nearly his entire adult life in school, partly to avoid paying support but that's another story) so... yeah, they don't inspire me much. Dad's sorta weak and irresponsible and my mother is the most self-delusional clingy person I've ever met. So my answer is a resounding 'meh', which is kind of what I think of them as parents. Sure I stayed fed and clothed and got yelled at to go to school (most of the time) but I still get the suspicion that they could barely be bothered. Which I'm sure accounts for my own blase attitude and utter lack of ambition.

posted by lonefrontranger 03 April | 14:35

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

-Philip Larkin, This Be The Verse

posted by bmarkey 03 April | 14:47

Mom: She's a great cook, and she's always willing to engage me in debates about current events and issues and politics. I totally envy her adaptability - she switched careers when I was about ten. She has a Masters in transportation planning, but she now debugs financial advice software. She's also gotten through a spate of weird illnesses (sixth nerve palsy, a weird allergic reaction rash on her face that lasted a year, a finger broken really badly in a fan blade for which she's currently in physical therapy) over the last decade with good humor.

Dad: He's very intelligent and a very good teacher. I credit my good grades in high school math, physics, and chemistry classes mostly to his help. When I was younger, he would help me build things from K'Nex and put together those kits from Fry's that made a small motor or speaker. He built me a big breadboard-type thing out of a cardboard box (there's probably a name for these) into which I could plug wires and LEDs, making rudimentary circuits. He's also a rather creative chef (although he rarely cooks!), and his creativity translates well to an appreciation for good art and well-designed...things.

posted by unsurprising 03 April | 14:52

i don't admire them, but they have their occasional cute moments of hapless humanity.

posted by ethylene 03 April | 14:53

From a very young age, I had a feeling that our lives just ran on parallel tracks, without intercepting. I dunno. I guess I can describe what it was like growing up with her in that I got myself ready for school from the first day, age 5, onwards. She was still in bed. It was middle school before I worked out that I should brush my teeth, because she never taught me that. It was college, and living away from home that I realised that people really ate breakfast (not just on tv.)

Shut UP. You just described my mother to a T. No parenting whatsover, and I had no clue how much she sucked until I started sleeping over friends' homes and saw how great their moms were. She stayed up all night watching movies and slept till noon every day. Even as a little kid, no breakfast before school, no making me lunch, no wondering whether or not I had lunch money (I didn't, and I hid in the bathroom at lunchtime because I was embarrassed), no clean clothes, etc.

She feels really guilty about it now, and out of the blue, even though I have never ever once accused her of anything or have even bought up how much she sucked, she says things to me like "I never intended to be a bad mother. I didn't wake up in the morning and think 'hmmm I'll be a bad mother today'" and I always think to myself, "Yah, you didn't wake up in the morning period - you slept until noon..." :P

posted by iconomy 03 April | 15:48

(I guess that's the opposite of naming things that we admire about our parents, huh. Sorry to derail)

posted by iconomy 03 April | 15:49

Any chance she was depressed, ico? That sounds like classic depression to me. (And if I had known you then, I totally would have shared my lunch money with you.)

posted by jrossi4r 03 April | 15:56

My mom is always willing to try new things (even if only once), and has become even more willing in her 60s. She always puts on a positive face (which actually isn't always a good thing). Everyone likes her.

My dad knows a little bit about everything. (And even if he's wrong, he's convinced he's right.) He can fix anything. Instead of buying it, he often tries to make it. The results are usually hilarious, but functional. (When I was a kid, he made a satellite dish out of a metal trash can lid, some pvc pipe, and mysterious electronics. It was totally illegal, so he had to mount it on the back of the house. It picked up one satellite channel very fuzzily, but we watched it with rapt attention because it was just so fucking cool that he had bodged the thing together.)

My dad and I didn't like each other at all when I was growing up. We're now as close as too very quiet, stoic people can be, and I think we're probably each others' biggest fans.

posted by mudpuppie 03 April | 16:09

Oh -- and my dad is always the guy that people in the neighborhood call when something is broken. They know he'll know how to fix it, and he never says No. Ever. He's not outwardly complimentary or emotional. He doesn't say nice things just for the sake of saying them. But he's always the first person there when anyone needs help.

He's a giver, but not the obvious kind.

posted by mudpuppie 03 April | 16:11

bmarkey - that's one of my favorite poems. I see my parent's special brand of crazy in me all the time. I am very close to both of them, and yet I don't think I'd be friends with either of them if we weren't related.

It's amazing how much of my own parents I see in everyone else's. My mother has a "positive face", too. She always knows what to say to strangers, even though she's painfully shy.

posted by muddgirl 03 April | 16:21

No, that's a lie about not being friends with my mom. I don't know, it's hard to say. We're exactly the same sometimes, and completely different.

posted by muddgirl 03 April | 16:22

I think my folks might have gone to the same parenting school as gaspode's and lonefrontranger's :p but I'm feeling positive lately, so here goes:

mom: will knock herself out to build programs for the community. Helped get mass balloon releases banned in her state, led a community effort to build an awesome playground, currently is collecting supplies for community hospitals in Iraq.

dad: super-compassionate, will do things like exit a highway and go back the other way to help people stranded on the opposite side. great with kids although he had an annoying habit of criticizing other peoples' childrearing techniques when he had never actually raised any of his own.

stepdad: ooh, this one's the hardest. I know the guy's got some great qualities; the problem is, I'm way more familiar with the bad ones. He was the main reason I left home as soon as humanly possible. I know he's done a lot of volunteer work, and raised money and equipment for youth baseball programs in impoverished countries.

posted by jtron 03 April | 17:06

Dad: My dad has *always* been there when I needed him and has always pushed me to do whatever I want. I didn't realize what a great gift this was until much later when I looked back and considered how many of my friends had exactly NO fatherly involvement. (My parents divorced when I was five.)

Mom: I never know if I think this is the best thing or worst thing about her but she held out for about 25 years on a man she was in love with until he divorced his wife to be with her. I don't like the guy at all but they work together.

posted by fluffy battle kitten 03 April | 19:09

I once told my mother that she was a fjällbjörk, like birchetrees beautiful but also, small, delicate, curvy and stubborn as hell surviving hwre nothing else could. That sums up everything I admire about her.

My father was very generous, genius, spontanious and passionate. I love all of that too.

They were different as night and day, and both equally stubborn actually. My father died when I was young but I knew already that I'm very much his carbon copy except female. I'm very much my mother as well, I have her body and manners in moving and so many other things - I'm hoping I get that strength that I admire from heras well and not just the isolation that seems to come with it.

posted by dabitch 03 April | 21:05

Mum: Resilience, understanding.
Dad: Absolutely nothing at all. The man wants shooting.

posted by pompomtom 03 April | 23:20

You all know how I feel about my mother, but she is able to talk to strangers easily.

My father has remained good platonic friends with two of his exes.

posted by brujita 04 April | 00:01

What is one thing you admire about each of your parents?

Dad: Will never step away from his duty of providing for his family, no matter what.

Mom: Does so much work around the house to keep it organized and the family functioning.

posted by hadjiboy 04 April | 08:41

My Mom had the strength to walk away from her first marriage at the first instance of abuse. She raised me largely on her own, because my Dad traveled all the time. She graduated from college at age 42 (14 years after she began), and began her dream job as a teacher. She sacrificed 18 years of her adult life to ensure that my grandmother never spent one day inside a nursing home, and says that she would do it again in a heartbeat. My mother is my best friend, and my futhermucking hero.

My Dad wants to be a cowboy when he grows up. Or a race car driver. One birthday, he decided he was tired of getting older, so he turned around, and now he gets younger every year instead. Work is just something that pays for the little sailboat he keeps at the lake. He is loving and whimsical and slightly absurd, and freakishly strong for someone so lean. And the only reason I know all this is because after 17 years of almost-absentee fatherhood, he made a conscious decision to repair our relationship before it was well and truly fucked. Not every dad would bother, but I'm really glad he did.

posted by somanyamys 04 April | 14:56

My parents are absolutely truthful, thoughtful, articulate, kind, and organized. They're also funny, presentable, fierce, and admirably impervious to public opinion. Plus they're a great team.

We had some fireworks when I was younger, but that's done. At this point they're at least as much fun to be around as most of my friends.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this.

posted by tangerine 04 April | 15:21

03 April 2008