MetaChat - EtiquetteFilter: For my wedding dress, I'd love to wear a sari

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02 April 2008

EtiquetteFilter: For my wedding dress, I'd love to wear a sari →[More:]because I think they are the most beautiful, feminine dresses ever. I think one would suit my body type in a flattering and comfortable way. Also, I don't want to wear some white, froofy thing that doesn't suit me at all. My kids will be my attendants at the wedding.

The problem is that I don't know wedding sari etiquette or any etiquette about a very fair, freckled, silver-haired Westerner wearing that type of dress, and I don't want to offend the Indian acquaintances (students, grad students, and faculty) who may be attending. Yes, I have searched the internet. No, I don't know said acquaintances well enough to ask them about it, unfortunately.

Also, I do have other options, but this would be my first choice. However, I don't have a huge problem with letting it go. I mostly just want to feel both comfortable and pretty.

Help please?

post by: lilywing13 at: 00:46 | 33 comments

I'm not sure about how it might appear to your friends but I think you should wear what you want to your own wedding!

posted by arse_hat 02 April | 01:01

Get to know those Indian acquaintances. I'm not kidding. Ask one of them. Most people are happy to share their culture with you if you ask nicely.

posted by fluffy battle kitten 02 April | 01:03

As a pale, freckled westerner who has, in the past, worn a sari regularly, I say go for it!

They are indeed beautiful, flattering, and can give you that feminine air that can be so desired on a wedding day.

As far as etiquette is concerned: the traditional wedding sari is red, and that's about it.

Blessings to you!

posted by Specklet 02 April | 01:12

Oh! And I meant to say: the traditional wedding sari is red, but any color will do! You may want to avoid white, however, as it is a mourning color.

posted by Specklet 02 April | 01:14

Doesn't it take a year to make a wedding sari, or at least months? The maker will have any answers you need, i'd think.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 01:15

Specklet, I'm sure not going to wear white. Personal preference would be green.

Ethylene, I've got 2 months! Gonna have to work around the official way, but I'm not a very traditional bride, obviously.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 01:27

Project Lilywing! You're our client. Tell us what you want.
Shoes? No shoes? i say you dye one thing on all the attendants the same shade of hot pink.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 01:35

No shoes! I've been saying that from the beginning.
In fact, the vows will have something like "with my feet firmly planted" worked in.

The attendants for me will be an 11-year-old boy and an almost 10-year-old girl, and I've told them they can wear whatever the hell they want. Dangerous, I know, but they are my offspring and I cater to the easy whims. It helps that I think they are cute, I'm sure.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 01:40

I'm told that I must have a reasonable pedicure. And a manicure. Luckily, I have good nails at all ends. I'm thinking henna, too. I have a friend to help with the hair and makeup and all that other stuff.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 01:42

You have to do the mendhi thing at your bachelorette party, since you shouldn't work for the month you wear the mendhi.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 01:45

≡ Click to see image ≡
Better than just a pedicure.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 01:48

Love the Godzilla toes!

posted by arse_hat 02 April | 01:52

No work for a month? I'm totally sold!

Ethylene, how much are your travel expenses and do you have plans in late May/early June?

Also, I've seen the wedding pictures from one of my Indian students, and good grief, her wedding henna and all were totally gorgeous. I should mention that they totally got married at a civil service in Las Vegas. The pictures from the party they had afterwards were wonderful.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 01:53

I have to go to bed now.
Any wedding advice is appreciated. Good grief, it's all making me crazy, even though I have a decent grip on it. I think.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 01:57

i'd make the time but i don't know if i can make the money.
Maybe if i can get the cat circus/gypsy wagon rolling.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 02:14

The only advice I'd give you is to wear a sari as much as possible before the wedding to get used to it. A few years ago an Indian friend of mine was getting married and I went to all the women's parties in the run-up to the wedding (Indian weddings take place over several days).

I was asked if I'd like to try a sari and, because I think they're beautiful, I said yes, so I was dressed up in one. And it was gorgeous, but because it's just one piece of fabric, I felt a bit insecure in it, as if the whole thing would unravel and leave me standing in my underwear if I trod on the hem. So I decided not to wear one at the wedding, because I wasn't used to it and felt uncomfortable.

I'd strongly suggest that you wear one as much as you can because if the first time you wear one for real is the wedding, you might find it a little strange and, like me, get that feeling of 'OMG! The whole thing's going to fall off me!'

posted by essexjan 02 April | 02:19

But in those Bollywood movies they do all the cray dances in them and all! :))

posted by dabitch 02 April | 03:15

Have you tried on a lehnga? In North India that's the traditional wedding dress and I've seen some with embroiery to die for.

posted by dabitch 02 April | 03:20

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by dabitch 02 April | 03:21

There are online stores where you can check out the dozens of different types of saris. I don't recommend actually buying one online, as you'll probably want to see what the cloth looks and feels like in person, but you can get an idea of the wide selection and choices you'll have to make.

The wedding section of Nirali Magazine has some gorgeous pictures of desi brides all decked out in their finest. Almost everything in those weddings is enormously over the top, as many South Asian shaadis are. Most of the women are wearing expensive, trendy looks, but you might be able to find some styles or ideas that you like.

As others have suggested, if you have access to people who can help you shop, that would definitely be best.

posted by unsurprising 02 April | 04:30

I've never bought myself a sari, just to be clear, but I've been dragged off to sari shops with my mom and other assorted female relatives. I do, however, own several lenghas and salwaar kameez. :)

posted by unsurprising 02 April | 04:41

i can't stop looking at that site now. i have to keep telling myself there is no way i need a sari.

posted by ethylene 02 April | 04:59

I ahdooorrrre Sari's and there's a shop downtown here that has teh kyootest ones with little touches to die for (like heart-shaped holes on the sleeve of the shirt!) - but as it turns out I can wear nearly any crazy-ass color under the sun, outrageous patterns and wacky designs but I can not carry a colorful indian dress. wtf!? I vanish in them, for real! Too pale I guess.

posted by dabitch 02 April | 06:58

lilywing13 do you have dark hair btw? I saw a cool thing in a Bollywood movie once, the actress had her long hair parted in the middle and a line of gold in the parting. Sooo nice looking - I started doing it when decking out to go out (had white hair at the time) with red lines and silver lines and gold lines. Never had the same impact as on dark hair.

posted by dabitch 02 April | 07:03

Oh my goodness! I have a friend from India who used to work with me. She's going to be visiting in town this weekend and is bringing me a selection of her sarees, so that I can borrow one. She's also going to show me how to wear it.

Woohoo!

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 10:06

dabitch, my hair is quite silver these days. It's long enough to do some interesting things with. I still haven't decided exactly what. So much to do!

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 10:11

and I don't want to offend the Indian acquaintances (students, grad students, and faculty) who may be attending.

Well, I can safely say that that's not going to happen; they'll be more than happy to know that you're interested enough in their culture to dress up in their traditional garment on what will be one of the most happiest days of your life (congratulations!).

I couldn't help digging into some Sari sites so I hope you don't mind me posting these (in case you haven't stumbled upon them already).

How to wear a sari
In case you're interested in going for something else: the Ghagra, the Sharara (which my sister wore for her wedding, and in green too! I can scan the photograph and send it to you, heck, if you're her size, and if she's got it over there, maybe she can ship it to you and at least someone can use it on their wedding day). Also, as dabitch mentioned, the lehnga.

posted by hadjiboy 02 April | 10:24

Thank you all for the advice and kind words.

Essexjan, I will definitely heed your advice and practice wearing it. It certainly wouldn't do to end up in only undies in front of my brand new in-laws.

My friend is visiting on Sunday and we're going to have a girly dress-up afternoon. She's even bringing bangles and other things. I'll try to get some pictures.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 10:33

um, I just realized I offered you a second hand dress to wear to your wedding day--crap! see, I told you I had trouble speaking to the ladies... what I meant was, it's a one-of-a-kind piece, that was made for my sister by her best friend, and it was really gorgeous... didn't mean to imply that you couldn't get one for yourself. sorry!

posted by hadjiboy 02 April | 11:02

hadjiboy, no offense taken at all. I appreciated the generous offer.
In fact, I will very probably be wearing a borrowed dress from my friend and I have no problem with that at all.

posted by lilywing13 02 April | 11:16

My new neighbourhood is full of sari shops and I really want one. Actually what I really want is a daaaaark blue shalwar kameez with yellow and light blue embroidery from Afghanistan that my friend has, but she's not giving it up :)

posted by By the Grace of God 02 April | 13:47

um, I just realized I offered you a second hand dress to wear to your wedding day--crap!

I always thought that was a good luck thing (well, as long as the original owner was happily married!). It's very common for people to wear antique dresses, family heirloom dresses, etc.
I think it's only fallen out of favor because women's proportions have changed so much in recent generations. (like, I'm half a foot taller than my grandmother and everyone from her generation. And I'm the shortest in my own generation.) That and the crazy huge wedding industry here.

posted by kellydamnit 02 April | 22:52

I have a friend from India who used to work with me. She's going to be visiting in town this weekend and is bringing me a selection of her sarees, so that I can borrow one. She's also going to show me how to wear it.

Yay!

posted by unsurprising 03 April | 02:28

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