MetaChat - If You Could Know How Others See You...

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02 April 2008

If You Could Know How Others See You... →[More:]
...for an entire day, would you?

Random thought yesterday - would you like to know how you are seen by everyone you meet in a day, complete with judgements, thoughts, and filters (basically have knowledge of their side of your interaction from their interior perspective?)

Would you do it if you were paid to? Or just for fun?

post by: Lipstick Thespian at: 18:27 | 34 comments

Oh god no. No no no no no no no. No way.

posted by bmarkey 02 April | 18:29

I'd be curious, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know.

posted by jonmc 02 April | 18:30

I already know I'm an asshole. I don't need it confirmed.

posted by bmarkey 02 April | 18:31

Yup, arsehole here, too. I have no need to find out just how much of an arsehole people think I am.

posted by dg 02 April | 18:33

I once saw myself perform on television. It was simultaneously excruciating and fascinating. It also changed the way I performed, for the better.

I imagine this would be a similar thing.

posted by Specklet 02 April | 18:34

I'd take a pass on that for sure. Especially these days, as I am busy rebuilding. That's the last thing I need!

posted by richat 02 April | 18:39

On the other hand, a good portion of the people I deal with everyday are chemically-enhanced homeless dudes, so it might be fun in a funhouse-mirror sort of way; 'That whiteboy's from Mars, I know he is. He's sent here to hunt me down and steal my newspapers, dammit. Well, he'll never get tehm.'

posted by jonmc 02 April | 18:41

I'm pretty sure the external critique wouldn't be as harsh as the internal critique, so I'd say yes in the hopes that it would actually be an ego boost.

posted by mudpuppie 02 April | 18:44

Sure. It'd be useful and interesting. But only if:

- Everyone else knew how everyone saw them, too

AND

- It wasn't just restricted to one day, but kept going indefinitely. The first day would be horribly disorienting. After that, we'd all get used to it.

posted by tangerine 02 April | 18:47

shoot me now

posted by small_ruminant 02 April | 19:03

yes, most people are confusing to me and I think a day of knowing what they were thinking would be worth the years and years of guessing I do now. What's the worst that could happen?

posted by jessamyn 02 April | 19:21

What's the worst that could happen?

Umm, you know all those threads at mefi about inappropriate sexual comments? Now imagine if you knew what men were thinking...

nuff said.

posted by jonmc 02 April | 19:31

Only if it were filtered so that the only ones coming through would aid me in knowing who to hit on and who to avoid. The rest of it I'd rather just leave alone.

posted by SassHat 02 April | 19:45

I would view it as an interesting exercise. In my own head, I am constantly assuming what others are thinking (typically running towards the bad/paranoid side of things). It would be nice to know if my internal feelings are indeed confirmed in others.

posted by sperose 02 April | 20:17

It would be nice to know if my internal feelings are indeed confirmed in others.

'What other people think of you becomes less important when you realize how rarely they do.' - David Foster Wallace

posted by jonmc 02 April | 20:27

Now imagine if you knew what men were thinking...

See, for me if I knew what they were thinking it would make that whole situation much more manageable. The big issue in those sorts of situations is that you don't know what people are thinking so you can assume anything from

1 hey you look nice today
2 I like to look at your breasts
3 I'm going to follow you home from work nd harass you

really if a guy was really just thinking 1 or 2 in my mind it would be fairly decent because I was worried he was thinking 3. But like SH I think I'd just like a more simple meter: "hit on: yes or no?"

posted by jessamyn 02 April | 20:47

I totally would like to know. If I could fake my death and attend my funeral incognito, I would.

posted by Joe Invisible 02 April | 20:57

Speaking as a guy who hears what other guys say, it's probably somewhat more colorful versions of 1 or 2, most of the time.

posted by jonmc 02 April | 21:00

I think I would be curious. I would probably try to downplay whatever what was annoying or negative.

posted by LoriFLA 02 April | 21:45

I'd like to know. I already think badly of myself; what other people think can't be worse.

posted by deborah 02 April | 21:45

Absolutely not. I know what I think of other people, and I imagine they think roughly the same sort of things about me. I don't need details.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 02 April | 21:56

Sounds tedious. To much data about anything is just noise.

posted by arse_hat 02 April | 22:09

I could see how it might be useful for specific purposes (I was thinking about improving my reference-interview skills, because I'm a big dork, but I feel sure there are also getting-over, getting-rich and picking-up-women applications), but it doesn't seem like it'd be very enjoyable.

posted by box 02 April | 22:13

Day to day I think that I look more or less okay. Not great, but passable/non-hideous. I would prefer to keep my inner illusion going without the cold dawn of what people really think.

posted by Claudia_SF 02 April | 22:27

I would certainly do it.

posted by youngergirl44 03 April | 00:18

I'm for it. At least I'd be able to tell once and for all what percentage of the "hey baby lookin' good" comments I get (and I've always suspected it's pretty high) actually mean "get a load of this ugly chick."

posted by casarkos 03 April | 01:18

That might be too much to hold in my head, because I'm assuming you'd get context, too? Someone thinking I'm X way might think so because his/her mother is X way, and I might behave similarly in the five second interaction I have with him/her.

Ok, that's too much for this early in the morning without caffeine.

posted by lysdexic 03 April | 06:02

Absolutely. Goodness yes. Please. It can't be overall any worse, and if it is, well, I'd reconsider therapy. I've obsessed about this from childhood. I think it would be very learnful.

posted by rainbaby 03 April | 07:21

The glimpses of this I've had over the years from people I've talked about this with have been fascinating.

My husband was intimidated by me at first, because in my Match.com profile, I seemed so accomplished and intense. He found out, though, that I was silly sometimes as well as intense sometimes.

I remember feeling so fat all my life, and one of my friends in college later telling me, "I never noticed your weight."

posted by lleachie 03 April | 09:16

I am not convinced other minds exist, so the point is moot.

posted by BitterOldPunk 03 April | 13:16

OK, real-world situation--would you read your partner's diary, in order to get that perspective? I mean, ignoring the invasion-of-privacy aspect. Say she died, or gave you permission, something like that. Would you, to see what she really thought of you?

posted by mrmoonpie 03 April | 14:01

Good God, no.

posted by rhapsodie 03 April | 14:08

I'd be interested in knowing how I was coming across in the present moment. I would not in any way want to read a diary or get that sort of "other side" perspective on the past, I don't think. And I'd be less interested in the thoughts of random people on the street and more interested in how my co-workers, boss, professors, classmates, and clients view me on a more ongoing basis. Maybe it's just because I've started so many new things in the past year or so, but I feel like I don't actually have a handle on how I'm coming across lately, and it's actually something that I've been curious about. (Partly because I'm worried I'm getting all therapist-y in everyday life, which I wouldn't mind if it were the good kind of therapist-y but would hate if it were the bad kind!)

posted by occhiblu 03 April | 14:57

mrmoonpie, I'd read the mister's diary if he died or gave me permission. He used to keep one but stopped not long after we married. I don't know what happened to it.

PS: I've never had a Moon Pie. Are they any good?

posted by deborah 03 April | 19:57

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