Arrrgh, I hate the silly "remove all metal items that may go beep". It's one of the reasons I want titanium in my body so that - duh - can't remove, I'll just beep. Anyway, so they're looking for weapons possibly made of metal so thus, all that beep are wrong.

"In the future, TSA will inform passengers that they have the option to resolve the alarm through a visual inspection of the article in lieu of removing the item in question."

In theory I could send a nipple-pierced assasin with a knife hidden in his rectum through the metal detectors then, can't I?

(oh and I only think it's "silly" because it never stopped any box-cutters - meanwhile throughout the nineties I had to remove my shoes before boarding any flight - steel toes yaknow. I was patted down like crazy before 2000 on every flight I ever took - and since then I choose not to fly as much as I can. I've only flown three times since. Why? I get patted down a lot. I dislike it.)

I could send a nipple-pierced assasin with a knife hidden in his rectum

Rectum? Cause I'm gonna kill 'im!

Just wait till Prince Albert hears about this.

That's just horrible. Horrible, I say.

This is such bullshit. I have more metal in my left ear than that woman had on her chest, and nobody has ever asked me to remove my earrings. A metal-detector wand can tell them that the metal is out there on her nipples... at that point you KNOW what it is. You don't need to see it.

"Security theater" makes my blood boil.

Coming through the hellish lineups at the Vegas airport, I'd dumped the evil evil water, taken off my shoes, put my change, keys, wallet etc in the bin, and then took off my belt, as it has a metal buckle. No metal at all, except for my glasses, which didn't register. I walked through the detectors without a beep, got bracketed by two security guards of the scowling, neckless gender and was taken off to the side and thoroughly patted down. As I stood there getting groped, I watched every. other. person. in line go through and set off the alarm. They only got the wand waved over them, and that's it. I was thinking, "Guy! There's no metal on me! Means no guns, knives, timers, surface-to-air missiles, nothing! dickhead." I got to go, once they were satisfied I wasn't a villain. Good thing piercing's not my bag.
In short - if you can hide a bomb in a piercing, you're taking the body-mod thing too far. Also, these people are mouth-breathers and should just stick to menial tasks like digging big holes and filling them up again.

See, now the first time I ever offed someone with a rectal knife, I made sure it was made from a space-age plastic polymer that conformed to the tiny confines of my poop chute.

That way, when I went through customs, no problem. I could blissfully throw my blueprints, bodily toxin specs, and nerve gas trigger maps into the little bin and I'm safe as houses.

Sure, it's just a hobby, but knowing you can exact a sudden revenge with a bendy knife that came from your nethers - well, just listen to me go on.

That's cool and all, LT, but a pisser if you get mugged. "You're robbing me?! Well, I have something that'll put a stop to THAT! One sec here, I just have to *urf* get *ung* this *eeewwgh* out......"

knife hidden in his rectum

When I read this phrase my butt involuntarily clenched so tight I turned inside out for a moment.

Now, see, Zack, there's a matter of what's the word, really? - practice, that needs to be brought into the conversation here.

I could take out a meth addict from fifty yards with what I'm packing back there. They could base a muscle car piston array on the blast radius I create.

I overshare because I care.

Concealed butt knife? I'd be afraid I'd be walking down the street and fart and accidentally kill some innocent old lady who happened to be behind me.

Practice? Yeah, no. Seriously, the word you're looking for is "hygiene."

Also: TMI. yeeargh. It's a good thing you're on the other side of the continent!

Now i'm afraid you'll be walking down the street and fart and accidentally kill some innocent old lady who happened to be behind you, anyway.

It's one of the reasons I want titanium in my body so that - duh - can't remove, I'll just beep.

The titanium plate in my arm does not set off metal detectors :-(. You might need to think big like a titanium leg replacement or something.

The titanium bar in my left leg DOES set off metal detectors at some of the more sensitive airports (Chicago, San Diego). Specifically, it's the screws that are holding it in at knee and ankle, because it's inside the left tibia. I get the full terrorist treatment till they wand the leg and the wand beeps at ankle and knee. Then they figure it out.

Ah well, guess it's time to start driving more.

I'm kinda weirded out by this whole story, to be honest. Or I feel like there's something that's not being reported. Many of the details don't jibe with my experiences of either piercing or air travel.

Yeah, something doesn't ring true about this story. I wonder if it was her attitude rather than the nipple rings that did her in.

On the other hand, some people do seem to get picked on by airport security. I always get selected for a drugs test with those wipe things on a stick that they rub around my backpack and my collar. I don't just mean often, I mean every fucking time I fly. I'm flying to Airlie Beach tomorrow - I'll let you know if my record remains unbroken.