40th is the Ruby anniversary, so maybe a party themed around that would be good, not necessarily the jewel, but the colour, a lovely dark ruby red.

Oh, and congratulations. Having "a long happy marriage which has resulted in a lot of friendships, a lot of joy, and a couple of relatively functional children" is a wonderful achievement. The example of marriage my parents showed me makes me cringe and shudder by comparison.

I'm not much help on the party-side of things (although basing it around a theme, like the ruby red idea would be fun), but one of the things that I did for my parent's 40th was quite simple, and they talked about it for months afterward.

I asked an online card-making/swapping group if people would send my folks happy anniversary cards. The results were astonishing; my parents started receiving hand-made cards from people all around the world. Some people just said 'happy anniversary' and others added in congratulatory notes, poems, and stories about special anniversaries in their own lives. Initially my parents were unsure, and maybe a little alarmed to get cards from so many people they didn't know, but as the cards continued to roll in, they were touched and slightly amazed that so many strangers would take the time to send them a card. My folks eventually guessed I was behind it, but for the first week or so, it was a delicious mystery. As I said, they talked about it for months afterward.

Obviously, the cards wouldn't need to be handmade, and I'm guessing if you asked here, and/or on any other international board you know of or belong to (including random acts of kindness boards), people (including me) would be willing to do the same.

Good luck with the party, and best wishes to you and your parents.

Where did your dad propose? If they did it with a view or something (quite a few people I know proposed in parks/view settings) a huge picknick there might be just the thing!

PS! Today is the day women get to propose!

Hey, my parents just had their 40th! We took them to a nice dinner and got them a gift. I ordered snake in a nut can (you know that old gag?..you can find it on Amazon). However, rather than presenting them snake in a nut can, I went out and got a fancy little gift box, about 2x2x2 inches and a nice fancy ribbon and so on. You just tuck that snake in there, and tie the ribbon on so the snake pops out when they pull on it, and wa-la! Totally unexpected and hilarious update of an old gag. Totally GOT them. Of course, your parents need to have a sense of humor about this sort of thing. I suppose if mine were actually expecting anything besides a nice dinner, it might not have been as great.

PS! Today is the day women get to propose!

Don't!

OK .. this suggestion is coming from a tv producer, so I'm biased. But I say, make them a movie! Those mini dv cameras are really cheap now. If you don't have one already, borrow one or buy a cheap one and go do little interviews with all their good friends. Ask them to keep it short and tell you their favorite "Insert Parents names here" stories. Ask them if they've got a favorite photo of themselves with your parents and shoot that photo with your dv camera. You can use the picture to cover up an edit when the story runs on too long. Make sure you and your brother interview each other so you're in it too. Get a bunch of these interviews, string them together, or get someone who can do rudimentary editing on their laptop to help you out, set it all to their favorite songs, use a bunch of your own family photos, and play it at the party. Won't be a dry eye and your folks will have this to keep forever.

If you are interested in this, I can talk you through it - how to organize the whole thing, how to take what seems like a big project and break it down to a manageable one. In any case, it's a great thing to help celebrate a happy marriage. My parents' 50th is coming up in a couple of years and I'm already thinking about the movie I'll make for them. Please let me know if I can help with this.

Also, I LOVE the card idea from faineant.

When you say you're not using the resources that would be needed for "a big banquet-hall thing," does that mean it will be held in a private home, or a restaurant, or what? Will it be local to you, local to them, or somewhere else?

For my parents' 30th, we sent them on a week-long sailboat cruise up the New England coast. It was a splashy gift, but not terribly expensive... but then, we had five kids to chip in.

What fantastic ideas. I will need to give this some more thought. I especially love the movie idea - creative and, yes, affordable.

My folks are in NJ. The planning will fall on my brother, me, and his wife, and none of us are rolling in dough - my brother's in school, and I'm a nonprofiteer - but we might be able to do a trip. And they'd probably like that. But I think something that includes their friends will be most valued by them, because they are pretty social. So we had thought about renting a function room at one of the local restaurant/bar venues and inviting their friends for a sort of music party with an array of tapas-style stuff my SIL can make...but I'm seeing that we can probably do better.

Poppo, I'm not sure what this says about me, but I can't do the snake-in-a-can trick on my family because I'm afraid I've already played out the snake-in-a-can. Yes, it's true, I've owned a couple of them. For some reason I think they are genuinely, ridiculously funny. Everyone is tired of it. I need new victims.

For my grandparent's 50th, we had a family reunion (they have 4 kids, and 10 grandkids) and there were t-shirts with a line drawing of the family on the back (one of the aunts is a visual artist). I still have mine. Close family friends who couldn't be there sent letters. There was a video of interviews with the grandkids of things they loved about the grandparents (my sisters and I still quote little Jack saying he loved Grammy and Grampy because they give him cheese!)

I've already played out the snake-in-a-can. Yes, it's true, I've owned a couple of them. For some reason I think they are genuinely, ridiculously funny. Everyone is tired of it. I need new victims.

Ha!! I'm laughing my head off here... this is a side of Miko I never knew existed. :)

A private room in a restaurant, or of a party in a private home, sounds dreamy to me. A celebration is really a chance to share joy with friends, and if there's good food and good drink and good feeling, that's all you need. Anything more is a pageant --- festive, but a frill.

Everyone is tired of it. I need new victims.

I smell a meet-up!

My brother-in-law's family snake-in-a-can was so old that the snakeskin smelled of mildew from three feet away, the label reading "Salted Nuts" was worn to a faint shadow, and it bore traces of rust.

One Christmas, I bought him a spankin' new can, and asked his then five-year-old daughter whether I should give it wrapped in its packaging or unwrapped to trick him. She chortled like an imp and hollered "TRICK HIM!" All through the Christmas gift exchange, she grew more and more antsy, until finally it was time for her to present him with his "Salted Nuts!" She sidled up to him with a prettily wrapped package, giggling evilly the whole time, and he played along most magnificently. One of my best holiday memories.

Oh, and if y'all decide to hold it at home and self-cater,
this thread might be useful; I found it really fun and inspiring to hear what other people thought of as festive cocktail-party food.

We did a 50th anniversary party for our parents. We used the function room at the Mile Away (New Hampshire reference). We each (the four sisters) did our own thing to contribute -- I wrote up a chapter of our parent's lives using the book Legacy (a book on writing personal history) and passed out copies. We brought wedding pictures and other pictures for guests to look at. One of my sisters made candles in mason jars and put a picture of my mom and dad together with the anniversary date on the sides.

PS Good for you for celebrating early and often. My father did not live to see their 51st anniversary -- we had no idea that that would be his last year. I'm so glad we had the party and can remember it.