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25 February 2008

I hate most people. Well, not really. But the fact is, social interaction with anyone who is not the closest of friends is just tiresome.→[More:] This weekend I travelled with an acquaintance (whose company I usually enjoy, which is why I travelled with her in the first place), and by Sunday I was so drained from being self-conscious the whole time that I just got exhausted and shut in. Also, not being really close friends and having somewhat different interests, we just ran out of conversation anyway. This meaning the Sunday interactions just got increasingly awkward, culminating in a very awkward 3 hour drive back. No fallout, argument, or anything like that, nor, as far as I know, any kind of "permanent damage", just an uncomfortable situation.

As a clarification: there's no romantic undertone on the trip (and, AFAIK, no interest from either part), it's just a regular trip gathering a lot of friends, in which everyone except us two eventually dropped out, and, since she is leaving shortly and really wanted to do this trip, we decided to go anyway. So it's not "date-gone-wrong-awkward", it's just regular awkward. Although she is attractive, so the fact that I might be interpreted as interested (thus putting a spin into the whole purpose of the trip) did play into the awkwardness. And she is also naturally friendly, so there's also the "she might think I think she is interested" point to add to the awkwardness. Add the third and fourth level recursions as appropriate.

All in all, when I got home I was so exhausted I just crashed and slept about 12 hours. I'm still tired, even somewhat physically ill (not sick, but uncomfortable). Aside from this, I've already been "running low" for some time now... I think I might burn a couple weeks of vacation travelling alone somewhere far just to recharge.

There's no point to this post, except to vent and demonstrate that such freaky anxious introvert extremes exist. Also, an invitation to fellow introverts to commiserate, and for people to give me advice I'll find reasonable but not put in practice anyway. Feuer frei!

post by: qvantamon at: 20:30 | 6 comments

Things got increasingly awkward in your head. Possibly not in hers. She may have seen the pauses as comfortable silences. I quite like them; she might have too.

Next time bring a book to whip out. Every once in a while read a little passage out loud to your company to make it seem that you're not totally shutting yourself off, even though you kind of are. Feel free to ignore my wonderful and sage advice.

posted by iconomy 25 February | 20:41

iconomy:
Well, she looked uncomfortable...

As for reading, I do that all the time (take out my cellphone and go read something on wikipedia), especially when a group conversation goes somewhere I'm not interested. But I don't do the reading aloud part, because usually WWII or economics is out of context :). She's teased me for that more than once, actually. In this particular case, we were sightseeing, and then I was driving, so it wasn't really an option.

posted by qvantamon 25 February | 21:10

i don't know if this will help, but i find being a certain amount tired helps because i just don't have the energy to give a damn about how i come off or complicated head games, and it becomes simply about dealing with things as they happen at face value. Then one can also honestly say they weren't thinking anything or had any agenda if it comes up.
You could go for having a zen moment of thinking nothing, being blank and just taking things in to the same effect.
It gives an open space for other people, events or environment to fill in or let's you start off fresh onto some new train of thinking.

posted by ethylene 25 February | 21:28

Travelling with others straight through is always, always hard for me. I like people but I need solitude to regenerate my energy. My key to surviving trips with others is to make sure that I have some decent time alone every so often; every day if possible. I swear this is half the reason I took up running - no one looks askance at you if you lace up your shoes and then you're gone for an hour or more. You can run, or you can just jog out of sight and go look at the water until you feel human again.

But if that isn't for you, it works to just be really upfront about it: "I love traveling with other people but I always need a little downtime, so don't be surprised if I wander off for a walk, or suggest splitting up when we get there to explore on our own, then meet for dinner." Kind of thing.

I might also suggest that maybe the only reason she seemed awkward was that you were clearly tying yourself in knots by the end of the trip and she didn't know why - maybe thought you weren't enjoying her company. One thing I am learning as an adult is that social things are almost always much simpler than I think they are - I'm busy thinking and overthinking and analysing sixteen layers of behavior in another person when I think they're treating me oddly, constructing really complicated emotional scenarios, when really there is only one layer, and usually it's something like "I was hungry."

posted by Miko 25 February | 21:43

But the fact is, social interaction with anyone who is not the closest of friends is just tiresome.

I concur.

Now having said that, the other party in this unfortunate temporary conurbation may well, as others have mentioned, have been completely oblivious to this fairly obvious fact.

If not: well bugger it. There are LOTS of other people. You'll find yourself bugged by them for the rest of your life, no matter how many of them you annoy.

Hell is other people.

posted by pompomtom 25 February | 22:40

I totally sympathize.

Figure this: The fact that she was awkward with the silences is as much -- if not more -- her fault than your own. Silences are pretty neutral, in and of themselves.

posted by occhiblu 25 February | 23:07

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