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11 February 2008

This reminds me... →[More:]of my next door neighbors. I kid you not they recently dialed 911 because ducks were using their yard to get to the pond we have in our backyard. "There are feathers everywhere!" They admitted they called 911 for ducks as if it were a completely normal and acceptable thing to do. They were flabbergasted that the cops could not help them and directed them to animal control. Animal control could not help them. They wanted the ducks dead or captured and that wasn't going to happen.

The husband has asked me more than once if I knew anything about hemorrhoids. The wife wanted her husband to shoot a possum with his shotgun. (The wife saw a possum in the daytime.) The wife rings my doorbell for any old thing. Last time it was to ask if my water pressure was down. It wasn't. Thankfully they're not a nosy as this woman in the question. Lordy. They are pleasant and we do chat for a minute here and there, but mostly I give a sideways wave and hello and bolt for the front door.

This is the second time somebody nutty has lived in this particular house. The last woman was seriously pissed that a blue heron was nibbling at her "700 dollar" palm tree. She called animal control and they told her give it up. The blue heron is an endangered species.

Got any interesting neighbor stories?

post by: LoriFLA at: 21:24 | 8 comments

Those stories are hilarious, Lori.

posted by occhiblu 11 February | 21:51

You know what, these folks have it all backwards. The shotgun is for the ducks; the water pressure is for the hemorrhoids; and when they ring your doorbell you should dial 911.

I am not quite sure what to do with the possum. Maybe wrap it in feathers and see if it'll fly.

posted by ikkyu2 12 February | 03:05

You know what, these folks have it all backwards. The shotgun is for the ducks; the water pressure is for the hemorrhoids;

no, the shotgun is for the hemorrhoids, so he can blow it out his ass.

posted by jonmc 12 February | 03:07

Use the feathers for the hemorrhoids, call 911 on the pond, which is clearly murdering the water pressure, and eat the possum after smothering him with a duck - if and only if the fowl walks like a duck and quacks like a duck (otherwise, it may be a dangerous swan, in which case, call animal control on the cops).

posted by taz 12 February | 03:25

Ha! Y'all are funnier than the neighbors. :)

posted by LoriFLA 12 February | 08:29

We have some close by neighbors who are the Bumpuses. Seriously. Their (adult-age) kids run a lawn care service - we know because of the sign in their torn-up lawn advertising it. They let their dogs run through the neighborhood. They shut a cat into the pickup of their next-door neighbor who gave them grief for being assholes. Their kids burned down their house (probably knocked over the bong) and after it was out and the gas and electric company shut everything down, they turned the power back own and were watching TV on the lawn. They didn't have fire insurance, but got kids from the local voc school to help rebuild (very nice of them, actually), but had to have construction halted a few times because there was no permit.

posted by plinth 12 February | 08:39

Nothing very interesting: cops have shown up a couple times at the house across the street. I don't know who calls them but it's always after some loud shouting.

The house next to ours is owned by a single man. He rents out rooms to other single men. They seem friendly enough but just a little bit off. They always ask very personal questions of the mister (where does he work, what's he do, how much does he make, etc.). They don't ask me because I'm rarely out front.

I hope the poster uses gomichild's suggestion and then posts an update in MeTa.

posted by deborah 12 February | 14:02

I think I've posted about our old neighbor before... He used to live below us in the building and would call the cops in the middle of the night claiming that we were playing loud music. Most of the time we were in the process of going to bed or already asleep.

He was calling 911 (instead of 311 - the Chicago number for all non-emergency city stuff). He called so much that the cops were sick of wasting their time - they knew that we weren't making noise. The last time he called the cops, the night sergeant came to our apartment and told the guy if he called 911 again, he would be arrested for filing false police reports. The segeant then apologized to us for having to wake us up again.

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was making this guy think that we were playing music... Even the cops asked if he was crazy and might be hearing things! One night, I was sitting on our deck when our A/C unit came on (it's sitting on the deck, outside our bedroom window and right above what was his bedroom window). I wasn't wearing shoes and could feel a rhythmic vibration through my feet - coming from the air conditioning. After all that time, it was our A/C. Lame.

posted by youngergirl44 13 February | 00:21

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