MetaChat - Ask MeCha: Etiquette question: how to identify a mystery wedding present?

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

06 February 2008

Ask MeCha: Etiquette question: how to identify a mystery wedding present? →[More:]So I married mr alto last month, which was really cool. We received a number of gifts, all except one of which we have thanked the giver for. The mystery gift remains, however - either there was no gift label or mr alto removed it when unwrapping (both are possible). We have a list of guests and gifts, so can narrow down to a list of possible givers - the question is, how to go about finding out who gave it to us?

The potential problem I see is this: if I ask a number of people, none of whom currently have gifts accounted for, then those who did not give this (very nice) gift to us might feel bad that they didn't get us a gift (we only gave gift list details to those who asked for them, they weren't included with invitations).

The item in question wasn't on the gift list, otherwise we'd have an online record.

post by: altolinguistic at: 13:27 | 8 comments

we only gave gift list details to those who asked for them, they weren't included with invitations

Do you have a list of those to whom you gave those details? That might help you narrow it down.

posted by dersins 06 February | 13:32

Do you have parents in the mix? I would ask them to ask around- they can present it as "Oh no, Alto and Mr. Alto are so stymied, they've lost the tag from a X and need to send a thank you note, did anybody say anything to you about not getting one?" Then it's not you directly, so no friend guild, and the question is couched in terms of "Is someone else offended?" so it doesn't sound gift grubby.

posted by headspace 06 February | 13:33

Can you send everyone on the short list a personal letter expressing gratitude for being a part of your wedding celebration, in a heartfelt but generic way that would cover either gift or no gift?

I have to admit that if I got such a letter, and you didn't mention the gift, and the gift were somewhat valuable, I might actually call just to make sure the gift hadn't been lost in the shuffle. But I would be happy to have the chance to wonder about that (rather than just assuming you were the kind of person who is late on thank-you notes) and happy to receive the letter, either way.

posted by Miko 06 February | 13:37

Do you know what store the gift came from? I had one of those mystery wedding gifts and was able to find out who sent it by calling the store. In our case it was relatively easy b/c the store shipped the gift to us so they had a record of it. It was not one of the places we were registered at so we also had no online record. Otherwise I agree with headspace's suggestion of having a family member nose around to try and ferret out the sender. If it's at all an unusual gift, say, from a boutique, maybe you can narrow down where it might have been purchased and if you've only got one friend in that area, that's likely to be your man. I sympathize with you - I'm a fanatic about sending thank-you notes and this would drive me nuts. Good luck figuring it out!

posted by Kangaroo 06 February | 13:48

Oooh. I like Miko's suggestion. You could even mention, in the generic "thank you" note, that you were even so lucky as to have a "mysterious benefactor" who sent you a lovely ... seder plate? set of crystal goblets? ... and that you are both joyful and bemused. Of course, you could phrase it better than I just did. But, you know, you could make it a sweet little anecdote illustrating how much you appreciate the kindness of all your friends and family, yada yada.

posted by brina 06 February | 13:49

There is a glossy Mexican cookbook in our cupboard that came to us the same way.

We never did figure out who gave it to us, try as we did.

posted by danf 06 February | 14:24

I don't think there's any need to be coy about it...you have a gift with no ID and you want to thank the people that sent it to you. Since you already sent cards to everyone who gifted you (that you know of), send a note to the rest of the people that attended your wedding. A 'thank you for sharing our day' kind of note, with a comment to the effect of "we received a ________ but couldn't find an accompanying card. If you sent us the ________, won't you please let us know?"

And congratulations and best wishes, alto!

posted by iconomy 06 February | 15:00

thanks all! Our parents don't know who it's from, and aren't that closely linked with many of our friends so this falls to us. Don't know where it was bought, unfortunately, and it was brought to the reception rather than delivered to us so no delivery trail. Hmmm.

posted by altolinguistic 07 February | 03:59

← Radio b - Why You Wanna Be Like That? || Another generation discovers sex. →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN