1. I love to work.
2. I have the work ethic of a German.
3. And the patience of an angel.
4. My wife is overseas for three weeks. The house is as spic and span as ever.
5. I like goat cheese.
6. I would never eat a bunny.
7. I see dead people.

1. I trademarked those bumps and creaks you hear in the night. Everytime you hear one, I make 3 cents.
2. The thumb on my left hand wears a top hat and carries a little cane. He enjoys performing on the subway but does not take donations. He performs to bring joy to the people though I think he likes to embarass me.
3. I grew up poor so my "room" was a fisher price house in the garage.
4. Hellbient is allergic to me.
5. Bob Villa stole my idea for This Old House.
6. I hand make every pencil that Bob Dole holds.
7. You know that guy who everyone says "yeah, don't worry, I know a guy". I'm that guy.

1. I can't actually go fuck myself.
2. Once when I was a kid I licked the Moon rock in the Air and Space museum. It tasted fake, like George Clooney's penis.
3. My parents are none other than Gene and Grace Kelly.
4. I'm carrying four .50 caliber slugs in my chest from a 1978 altercation outside a Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza-Time Theater.
5. I got a job!
6. My band, Swiss Vacation Girls, is playing soon in your hometown.
7. I can control my marijuana use.

1. I spent seven years studying total honesty in a temple in Tibet.
2. Hint: It was only six years. Not sure why the number seven always seems so much more mystical than six.
3. Okay, it wasn't Tibet, it was Antigua. Have you seen what passes for a night life in Tibet? Please!
4. It wasn't a temple, really, so much as a rehab facility.
5. It was more like six months.
6. Okay, okay - six minutes.
7. I'm actually Britney Spears.

1. I've been married 3 times.
2. I was raised Catholic.
3. I speak 4 languages.
4. I have 5 children.
5. I hate animals.
6. I'm very short.
7. In 1983 I finished 2nd runner-up at the Miss America Pageant.

1. My identical twin brother is a wealthy businessman who moonlights as a diamond thief and smuggler.
2. Rather that buy an even larger trophy-case, I retired from the professional badminton circuit.
3. I am allergic to cake.
4. I know how to develop your customer targeting and retention strategies.
5. I wrote a song that the Dixie Chicks that they daren't perform in public.
6. I fly the hot-air balloon a little higher every time: one day I will take it to the very edge of space.
7. I smell like pastries.

1. Since I won the lottery, I've been living in a secret lair carved from old subway tunnels deep below Manhattan.
2. I routinely bungee jump off bridges for fun.
3. My novel will be published any day now.
4. I can quit smoking any time I feel like it; I'm not addicted - I just don't feel like quitting.
5. I'm really looking forward to working tonight. The lecture sounds just fascinating and I'm so excited about being here for an extra three or four hours.
6. I know it sounds snotty when I ask people for their weight gain tips but I just can't help myself.
7. I was in a bunch of MTV videos in the eighties. Yeah, you probably wouldn't recognize me - I wasn't on screen very long, just, you know, topless and dancing. With Adam Ant.

1. I own approx. 65,000 Beanie Babies.
2. I can do a magic trick involving a pencil, a paper clip, and 6 pounds of mercury.
3. Astronomers have seen a likeness of me on the surface of Mars.
4. I have a deep phobia of cows.
5. The scar on my right pinkie is a result of standing too close to the piranha tank at the city aquarium while holding a corn dog.
6. I love musicals.
7. In 1983 I finished 2nd runner-up at the Miss America Pageant.

1. On a bet, I waded across the crater of Kilauea during an eruption. (That was the easiest twenty bucks I ever made.)
2. I can communicate with birds; since they only seem to want to gossip about each other, I rarely bother.
3. I once fried an egg by glaring at it.
4. Steel-belted radials? That was my idea. I haven't seen a cent from it, either.
5. In first grade, I crushed a friend's Brady Bunch lunchbox into a remarkably detailed bust of Eve Plumb, using only my bare hands and an acetylene torch.
6. When the sun shines directly on me, I cast the shadow of Basil Rathsbone.
7. In 1992, during a three-month spiritual purge, I subsisted on nothing but spirulina, miso, and Beefaroni.

I believe all boringpostcards' alleged "lies". They have the ring of truth.

1. I absolutely love talking on the phone.
2. I'm secretly a rockstar.
3. Coffee is my favorite beverage.
4. The scar on my left hand is from being arrested.
5. I buy cheap clothes because I make them look goooooooood.
6. I have 2 masters degrees.
7. I only have online friends.

1. I wear a porkpie hat habitually.
2. I was an extra in Escape from L.A.
3. Seventeen years ago I parachuted behind enemy lines to live among, adopt their ways and work as a double agent.
4. The doctors replaced my cochlear implant with Bluetooth.
5. I once stood at a urinal next to G. Gordon Liddy at a rest stop on the NJ Turnpike.
6. You know that LOLcat, Invisible Sandwich? That's my friend Brian's cat.
7. Chicken fried steak is my favorite dish.

1. Back in the 60s I was part of an underground pre-punk band that, although never achieving commercial success, is often credited as influential by later artists.
2. I served eight years for bioterrorism.
3. I wrote a bestselling series of romance novels set in the steamy underbelly of the fast food industry under the pen name "Raquelle De Autumn."
4. I own property in nonextridition nations on every continent just in case I ever need to flee the US.
5. My ancestors invented the aglet. We have used the royalties to fund the most successful North American Monkey Knife Fighting League of the last century.
6. Because of my ability to lipread the Allies encouraged me to take a job waiting tables in a Berlin resturant during the war. Although the plan was sound on many levels, I do not speak German and it ultimately failed miserably.
7. I learned how to teleport at the age of six. However, it was strongly discouraged by the nuns of my Catholic school. Unfortunately I can no longer remember how.

1. I spent my early 20s touring the US as Fiona Waller, America's premier female monster truck driver.
2. I dye my hair gray; my natural tresses resemble nothing some much as a rainbow clown wig.
3. My toes are gorgeous, distractingly so, and I hesitate to wear sandals for fear of attracting unwanted amorous attention.
4. My first young-adult novel, And Then Again, Maybe Not, caused an uproar in middle schools throughout the Bible belt.
5. My hands are made entirely of canteloupe.
6. I penned the lyrics (but not the melody) to the middling-popular 1920s song "Oh Oh, My Sweet Hortense (She Ain't Good Lookin' But She's Got Good Sense)".
7. I spent most of my adolescence in an upright coffin-sized box, like all the children in my family.

I just can't lie, the assignment was too hard, but here are my faves:

The thumb on my left hand wears a top hat and carries a little cane. He enjoys performing on the subway but does not take donations

- Styxno

You know that LOLcat, Invisible Sandwich? That's my friend Brian's cat

- Joe Invisible

My first young-adult novel, And Then Again, Maybe Not, caused an uproar

- Elsa.

Very fun Idea. I just. . . can't. . lie. I can deceive, but not lie!

1. I had my nipples switched from right to left and vice versa in a paid scientific study in 1982.
2. 3 years worth of my armpit and leg hair was used to fill BP's Beanie Babies.
3. I have a patent pending on technology for the deflection of asteroids.
4. I'm ranked second worldwide in sewing impressionism.
5. I used to have a dimple in my chin.
6. We housed an alien communication hub in our crawlspace until I was 9.
7. I'm radioactive, which enables me to cook meals on my stomach in less than 3 minutes.

1. I really weigh about 100 pounds and have rock hard abs but wear a 'fat suit' so I don't get too full of myself.
2. My father is a mob boss and I am a mob princess.
3. I'm currently working on a cure for cancer. I keep most of my experiments in the fridge, which has been incredibly confusing for my roommate.
4. Mango (my hedgehog) and I have tea parties while the BF is at work. She prefers Earl Grey with a touch of milk and honey.
5. I could eat liver and onions every meal of every day for the rest of my life and be happy. In fact, I think I'll start tomorrow.
6. I coined the phrase "Get it, got it, good".
7. I lost my left pinkie toe in a drug deal gone bad.

1. I wrote all those Chuck Norris "facts" that are going around.
2. I've been friends with Stephen King ever since I cured his writers block by egging his house.
3. I was the official supplier of trousers to his Holiness Pope John Paul. He dressed to the left.
4. I have proof that every member of the Rolling Stones (with the exception of Mr Jagger) have been replaced with animatronic replicas. Only Mr Jaggers lips have been replaced.
5. The army have samples of my flatulence for their bio-terror program.
6. I am a card-carrying member of the Latvian Tractor Fanciers Society.
7. My name is a swear word in 14 languages.

1. I can see individual atoms, which helps me choose quality goods at the market.
2. My favourite choice of duelling weapons and location is axes in a dark cellar.
3. I lost four fingers due to freak chess accident, but carved new, working ones from ham.
4. That scar in the middle of my forehead is from where my 3rd eye was sewn shut as an infant.
5. I released an album of fingernails raking down blackboards, called `Boopen Quoo'.
6. I invented `The Twist', but time travelling musicians stole the dance from me.
7. I invented a tap washer that works beautifully but starts dripping at about midnight.

Stynxno didn't lie. His left thumb really does have a top hat.

1. My children are actually girls, I just refer to them as boys to throw my enemies off my scent
2. I'm a grand master chess champion, but my Younger Boy beats me at checkers every Sunday
3. I have all my original factory parts, except that metal in my head
4. My pinkies aren't speaking to each other since the grilled cheese incident
5. The stuffed cat on my printer is actually kinda hungry, but I've been callously ignoring its pain
6. I cannot tell a lie
7. All of these statements are true.

1. I am a compulsive knitter.
2. I can build a cyclotron out of Lego motors and popsicle sticks.
3. I used to run whiskey into Detroit during Prohibition
4. I can walk like an Egyptian.
5. You've heard of String Theory? I pull those strings.
6. I am a member for life and current president of the Loverboy fan club.
7. I am the natural predator of Great White sharks.