MetaChat - What sorts of questions would you include in an American-ness test?

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10 January 2008

What sorts of questions would you include in an American-ness test? Inspired by BtGoG's question below, I propose we put together an American-ness test. If there were such a test, what sorts of questions would you want it to have?

post by: jason's_planet at: 16:35 | 47 comments

Are you thinking something like a citizenship test?

Knowledge about the branches of government and stuff? Or something more fun?

posted by gaspode 10 January | 16:37

Something more fun, definitely.

posted by jason's_planet 10 January | 16:38

For a true American-ness test, it should be done along the lines of "Jeopardy!" so people have to give the questions to answers.

posted by essexjan 10 January | 16:40

I don't even know if it could be done. Maybe "Southern American" test and "New Yorker" test and so on, I can't imagine one test for everyone, it's all so different.

posted by kellydamnit 10 January | 16:56

Something more fun = goofy pop-culture stuff.

Light n' fluffy, in other words.

posted by jason's_planet 10 January | 17:01

Name three of the castaways.
Name three of the Friends.
What meal includes vegemite? trick question
What month is Thanksgiving in?
Who is Joltin' Joe and what did he do?
What is an Edsel?
Who is Dick Clark and what is his nickname?
What is the 'national pastime'?

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 17:03

Dick Clark has a nickname?

posted by dersins 10 January | 17:06

Something about Cheese Wiz, for sure.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 10 January | 17:07

'Dick.' Or maybe he's looking for that 'world's oldest teenager' crap.

posted by box 10 January | 17:10

Where is 'Sesame Street'?
Who is George Bailey? Bonus: Where did he live?
What is 'The Grateful Dead'?
What product was sold in a plastic egg? two acceptable answers
What happened 'The Day The Music Died'? Bonus: Name two of the involved
What company wondered 'Where's The Beef'?
Who did Joanie love?
What are grits?
Who came from Ork?

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 17:37

haha box, I was thinking of the "America's Oldest Teenager" crap

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 17:39

How many heads are on Mt. Rushmore?

Which country gave the U.S. the Statue of Liberty?

In what state does the Oregon Trail end? (alt: begin)

posted by deborah 10 January | 17:39

What's an Edsel? Damnit, I want to be a citizen NOW, not in 1959.

posted by mullacc 10 January | 17:44

I don't know a bunch of these. Or I do from watching retro shows on VH1.

Do I have to move to canada?
(please??)

posted by kellydamnit 10 January | 17:48

Fill in the blanks: "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, _______, _______, on a sesame seed bun"

What is my bologna's second name?

Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?

How do you spell relief?

posted by Atom Eyes 10 January | 17:51

Do I have to move to canada?

Well, I know them all, and I'm Canadian. So these fail as "American" tests.

posted by chococat 10 January | 17:53

Who is Elmer Fudd?
Who lived in Graceland? Bonus: Who sang about Graceland?
What kind of wood doesn't float?
Where did Harold and Kumar go?
Who likes 'poutine'? for chococat
What are 'pogs'?

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 17:57

What kind of wood doesn't float? A witch?

posted by kellydamnit 10 January | 17:59

Natalie Wood

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 18:00

mmmmm poutine

posted by chococat 10 January | 18:15

PMSL geekyguy!

posted by essexjan 10 January | 18:25

I am failing these pop-culture questions so hard.

posted by casarkos 10 January | 18:28

I'm just a tiny bit appalled at how well I'm doing at them.

posted by box 10 January | 18:35

Who is the Big Dummy?

Who calls him by that name?

posted by jason's_planet 10 January | 18:41

OK, I wanna play.

What team won the first Super Bowl? Who was their quarterback?
What American club did Pele play for?
What is the significance of the number 755?
"________ tastes good, like a cigarette should."
What is the appropriate beverage to serve with a Moon Pie?
Name three members of the Avengers.
Now name three members of the Justice League of America.
Now name three FOUNDING members of the X-Men.
Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Who's on first?

posted by BitterOldPunk 10 January | 19:01

I like Bitteroldpunk's questions, cos I don't know the answers. (well, apart from Shaft - but I think if I pronounce that word it becomes very obvious that I'm not American).

Oh, and for the Avengers question, I'd start with Mrs Peel, and then get deported...

posted by pompomtom 10 January | 19:06

Now I can't stop.

Name three members of Lynard Skynard. Two of whom are alive.
Name two former members of Metallica, one of whom is alive.

Damn, this is fun.

posted by BitterOldPunk 10 January | 19:07

The other night on Craig Ferguson one of the guests was Kevin Fitzgerald (from Emergency Vets on Animal Planet) and he brought some drawings of animal tracks for Craig to identify (since Craig is preparing for his test.) It was kind of awesome. I didn't realize you had to identify animal tracks on the test. (He brought prints of Grizzly Bears, Skunk and porcupine.)

posted by fluffy battle kitten 10 January | 20:52

What is the significance of the number 755?

User read, write & executable, Group & Other read & execute.

posted by Triode 10 January | 20:54

"I'm from The Government, I'm here to _________."

What's the minimum safe number of cupholders in a passenger vehicle?

In what situation would one engage the blinking light on the corner of one's vehicle?

The person who said "I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president (Bush) next year" is the head of a company that makes what device?

What is the maximum safe distance one may park from the Mall doors, without probable carjacking, identity theft, and possibly getting wet?

Interstates named with two digits run in what directions?

Name all the other developed nations that do not have single-payer universal health care.

Which is colder: -40 degrees Fahrenheit or Celcius?

posted by Triode 10 January | 21:23

How about:

"Where is, like, such as, South Africa?"

posted by pompomtom 10 January | 21:29

Explain the Electoral College.

(Trick question! NO ONE can explain the *#&$!^ Electoral College.)

posted by scody 10 January | 21:41

OK, pompompom. Here are the answers, to save you from googling:

What team won the first Super Bowl? The Green Bay Packers
Who was their quarterback? Bart Starr
What American club did Pele play for? New York Cosmos
What is the significance of the number 755? Hank Aaron's career total home runs
"________ tastes good, like a cigarette should." Winston
What is the appropriate beverage to serve with a Moon Pie? RC Cola
Name three members of the Avengers. There were many, but Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor were all central figures (I preferred the Scarlet Witch, The Vision, and the Black Panther, personally)
Now name three members of the Justice League of America. Again, many, but Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman were central
Now name three FOUNDING members of the X-Men. Easy one. There were five founders: The Angel, The Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, Marvel Girl/Jean Grey/The Phoenix/Dark Phoenix /fanboy precision
Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks? Shaft!
Who's on first? No, who's on second.
Name three members of Lynard Skynard. Two of whom are alive. Gary Rossington, Artemus Pyle, Ronnie Van Zandt (R.I.P.)
Name two former members of Metallica, one of whom is alive. Dave Mustaine, Cliff Burton (R.I.P.)

posted by BitterOldPunk 10 January | 21:47

Wouldn't the point of an American-ness test be to ask questions that most American's could easily answer but might be too subtle for a non-American to know?

When I was in China there was a group of young Africans who would seek employment as English teachers and present themselves as 'American' to their potential Chinese employers. I remember meeting some at a pool place and one of them remarked that he was from Chicago my Canadian co-worker asked him, "What is the tallest building in Chicago?". He stammered, asked, "What?" and then mumbled, "I haven't been there in a long time." before slinking away.

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 21:52

Actually, BitterOldPunk, Who is on 1st. What is on 2nd and I Don't Know is on 3rd.

posted by geekyguy 10 January | 21:56

OK, here are some questions that are a bit more subtle. maybe.

If a cheeseburger on a menu does not specify the kind of cheese, what will it be?
What color is beer?
Describe how a bed is made:
ragu is?
A taco is?
How do you pronounce the President of France's last name

(answers:
1. american
2. "yellow" or "gold"
3. fitted sheet, flat sheet, blanket, topped with a quilt, comforter or duvet. "tucking" optional
4. a brand of pasta sauce in a jar
5. ground beef, cheese, lettuce, and tomato with a soft or hard shell. sauce and sour cream optional.
6. if they know this make sure they're not really a Canadian.

posted by kellydamnit 10 January | 23:01

Tester: Explain the Electoral College.
Applicant: As far as I can tell, it's a load of wank.
Tester: Well, technically you're right, but you've used one of the banned words....

posted by pompomtom 11 January | 00:20

How is Barbeque properly prepared?

Finish this series: Flathead, Knucklehead, Panhead, Shovelhead and __________ .

posted by Triode 11 January | 00:30

1. Pick a show: The Tonight Show or Wheel of Fortune. Now name three people that have hosted it.
2. What's an El Camino?
3. Name a couple losing presidential tickets.
4. Now name a couple Muppets.
5. What kind of salad dressing goes with french fries?
6. In what region of the U.S. are you most likely to hear the words 'Howdy, y'all'?

posted by box 11 January | 00:44

French fries?! I'd give you "what kind of salad dressing goes with pizza?" though.

I do not know the answers to 90% of these questions but I consider myself uber- American. I'm not sure what to think about that.

posted by small_ruminant 11 January | 00:50

What is the significance of the number 755?
User read, write & executable, Group & Other read & execute.

Also MY STREET ADDRESS.

posted by tangerine 11 January | 02:36

Name three reasons why the cranberry-turkey-stuffing sandwich is our greatest national treasure.

posted by mdonley 11 January | 06:51

2. What's an El Camino?

Well, as The Dictatortots put it,

The front is like a car
The back is like a truck
The front is where you kiss
The back is where you
El Camino, el el Camino

posted by elizard 11 January | 07:03

Salad dressing on pizza? Are you insane?!

As for french fries - thousand island or tartar sauce are both acceptable dressings.

posted by deborah 11 January | 13:45

I thought the same thing, deborah. But pizza dipped in ranch dressing is mysteriously delicious.

posted by jrossi4r 11 January | 14:04

I thought french fries were supposed to be dipped in ranch?

But then again my formative years were spent dining at Perkins.

posted by triggerfinger 11 January | 16:37

Now i don't know whether to make a stab at poutine or order pizza.

posted by ethylene 11 January | 17:29

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