MetaChat - Dear 300-pound Guy Sitting Next To Me.

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10 January 2008

Dear 300-pound Guy Sitting Next To Me. Coughing to cover up the noise of a fart might work in some circumstances. But not when:

1. You fart like 50 times a day.
2. You fart like 50 times a day, every day.
3. Each fart smells like a three-week-dead skunk just exploded in my face.

post by: TheophileEscargot at: 05:58 | 23 comments

I weigh less than half of what your neighbor weighs, yet you should smell my farts. I never bother coughing.

posted by item 10 January | 06:31

I don't think weight's a big factor actually, but it makes it harder to say "dude, lay off the beans/eggs/whatever."

posted by TheophileEscargot 10 January | 06:48

Since I gave up eating eggs and starchy carbs, particular bread, I rarely fart.

posted by essexjan 10 January | 06:52

Oof. How 'bout a gas mask integrated with an iPod?

posted by chewatadistance 10 January | 07:02

My boyfriend is completely unable to fart, except when going to the toilet. Anyone else have this weird problem? (he's had a terrible time coming to terms with the fact that women, indeed most people, fart)

posted by altolinguistic 10 January | 07:17

I wouldn't normally mention it, but as this is a farting thread and all...

posted by altolinguistic 10 January | 07:19

wow, what a tightarse! sorry couldn't resist!,

but yes it's completely within the bounds of normal that he expresses air during a BM and that this is the only air he expresses, but I really want to call BS except that would be taking a joke too far.

posted by Wilder 10 January | 08:40

He may have really poor nutrition, leading to constipation, leading to farting. Buy air freshener. Use it. He'll get the message. Or buy one of the loud compressed air horns. Use it, and cough to cover the noise.

posted by theora55 10 January | 09:51

Well, I actually feel quite sympathetic to the guy most of the time. I think he's trapped in the diet/get depressed/binge cycle though, so nothing I can say or do will do anything but move him shove him into a different part of the cycle.

posted by TheophileEscargot 10 January | 10:28

How 'bout a gas mask integrated with an iPod?

Cannot stop laughing...

posted by iconomy 10 January | 10:29

I sat next to a smelly person at the theatre on Tuesday night (those old Broadway theatres are like sardine cans!). I couldn't tell exactly which person it was, and the smell kinda came and went, but man, when it came.....bleech!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 10 January | 11:18

Every time he starts to play the butt trumpet, just sing along!

posted by jason's_planet 10 January | 11:26

The Gas We Pass

posted by bunnyfire 10 January | 11:37

alto I was under the impression that guys fart WAY more than girls. Yeah, we fart, but not as much as guys. Consider yourself lucky!

posted by chewatadistance 10 January | 12:35

Do girls fart? Possibly NSFW.

posted by essexjan 10 January | 12:55

Or buy one of the loud compressed air horns. Use it, and cough to cover the noise.

theora55, thank you for making my morning.

posted by elizard 10 January | 12:56

LOL! thora55 I was just about to post the same thing as elizard.

posted by small_ruminant 10 January | 12:58

Buy air freshener. Use it. He'll get the message. Or buy one of the loud compressed air horns. Use it, and cough to cover the noise.

I'm going to invent an aerosol air-freshener with an air-horn on top. Now... what to call it?

(copyright, trademarked, patent pending!)

posted by Capn 10 January | 12:58

you've got the fart before the force. he's not coughing to cover up the fart sound, he's farting due to the force of the cough. pray he doesn't sneeze.

posted by quonsar 10 January | 13:14

I'm going to invent an aerosol air-freshener with an air-horn on top. Now... what to call it?

The FartHorn, obviously.

posted by mudpuppie 10 January | 14:25

I know plenty of skinny dudes who fart disgustingly all day...where does his weight come into it? Or maybe being 300 pounds is just an extra factor in how loathsome he is. Is it too much to ask that we keep the fat hatred out of MetaChat...you've got the whole rest of the internet for that.

posted by SassHat 10 January | 15:00

I rarely fart. Like, really rarely. Not even when I poo. I've lived with my boyfriend for a year now, and he's only heard me fart once and that was in my sleep and he's still uncertain if it was me or the dog.

My boyfriend, however, makes up for it for both of us. His mother passed on some awful intestinal genetics, and he farts all the time. His brother is the same way. Between him and the dog, I'm sure I will suffocate in my sleep some night.

posted by rhapsodie 10 January | 15:11

Whenever I've been afflicted, I've found that increasing my intake of water has helped.

Candied ginger helps your insides.

so does old-school greek-style yogurt.

posted by jason's_planet 10 January | 16:48

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