I know the feeling.

It gets to me sometimes, although generally I do enjoy my solitude. Usually it's not the big stuff, but the little things - the shared pot of coffee, making dinner together, watching the football on TV ...

(((elizard)))

I can relate, e.

Me, too. But I've only been doing it for three months! The peace and quiet is nice, but being with my family for the holidays has made me realize how much time I spend alone these days.

Hang in there, sweetie.

*whuffles*

Down South as in?

Waaay south, danf--3 weeks of aimless wandering in Belize and maybe Guatemala. I'll be spending a couple of days in Seattle on either end, though, so was going to post a meetup request in the new year.

Yay, bunnies. It's nice to know I'm in such good company.

I have three retarded cats that I can send you for companionship.

Some assembly required (had to use a hacksaw and a blender to get them into the shipping envelope).

{{{{{{elizard}}}}}

If only there were someone comparably alone who kept weird hours and had infinite cellphone minutes who's always available for phone calls. Maybe that would help. ;P

I don't think there's anything uncool in admitting that you're tired of living alone. It took me six months just to get used to working from home and being alone during the work days. I always say I love my solitude and tend to keep to myself, but I guess only like it in moderation.

Hang in there elizard.

I lived alone for 11 years after a 6 year relationship and having never lived alone prior. There was the initial, oh god I don't know if I can do this, but it lasted about 2 nights, if that. I totally dug it for about 4 years, dated on & off, partied & hung with friends for about another 3 (during which I had a disastrous boyfriend-live-in experience for about 4 months, when I was still trying to make the straight thing work).

I started really longing for live-in company in my 7th-ish year of living alone. I still love my alone time, as does my partner; we can both be home for hours and days and feel like we have enough space. I'm more likely to get cabin fever than she is, but it's always a brief condition. I think finding someone who needs a similar amount of solitude is important to the balance of the relationship.

It's very ironic. I have lived alone for long periods. Usually very lonely and feeling like a huge loser because at whatever time being unable to lure someone into a relationship-or-at-least-into-bed-with-me.

Having married, and having a kid, I am at the opposite end. We have a small house, and while I would not trade any of it, those nights/days/weekends when I AM alone are very cherished.

People are strange.

I vote for crazy cat lady (with guns). You can do it, I believe in you.

I hear you. After about seven years of living alone, I hit a similar wall a couple years ago. It can be wonderful - plenty of opportunity for self-indulgence, things are always the way you left them, you do things on your schedule, eat what you want when you want, are never interrupted or bothered. But on the other hand, it grows...stale. As uncomfortable as company can occasionally be, I felt I just wasn't growing in my solitary lifestyle.

Being able to say "Hey, this isn't doing as much for me anymore. People are a new priority in my life" was the first step to changing this. The change has been worth it (definitely growth) but not always easy for someone who loves solitude and enjoys their own company. But if it's something you want, and it sounds like it is, I am confident that your intention will lead you to find it.

I still require a lot of time alone. For whatever reason, I can't quite think the same way when I'm around anyone else. I was reading that Twilight of the Books article yesterday and was struck by one of the comments about reading: reading is a miracle, one author said, because it lets you experience "the intellectual power of solitude" while still benefitting from communication with another person. It's an idea I completely understand. I have to have time alone to know what I'm thinking and feeling, to sift my thoughts and experiences, and to keep emotional equilibrium. Other people are very powerful for me - I react to them a lot, I give them a lot of mental attention. As a result, I need to spend some time by myself to keep in touch with my own thoughts and feelings.

Also on this topic, as I was driving south to be with my folks for Christmas, I listened to this week's "This American Life" episode, which is titled 'Home Alone.' It's all about living alone. As is usual with TAL pieces, it can be depressing in spots, but was good radio. One of the pieces is about a city department in LA which has an entire staff specializing in settling the affairs of people who die alone, with no relatives or friends around to handle the aftermath. It was sobering. They go to the house of an older lady who has been found dead, and it is wall-to-wall with stuff, stuff everywhere. They go through her house for hours, and can find no evidence of contact with any other human being besides a 30-year-old Christmas card. The city worker said that finding houses full of stuff is very, very common -- that people whose lives are empty of others tend to insulate themselves and fill their houses with stuff.

That made me think a lot about where life is headed, and how important it is to build strong connections, so I don't end up with some city official sifting through my ancient mail trying to find someone who gave a shit about me.

But there was another nice piece about a woman who loves living alone for some of the reasons I noted above - the independence, the peace, the self-indulgence. So I guess I came away thinking that it's important to know what you want, what is the right choice for you. For me, the time to change came when I decided I wasn't getting that much more out of continued total independence, and that the next frontier was going to be paying more attention to building relationships.

elizard, if you end up coming into Mexico at all (esp near Mexico City), let me know. I'd love to have a two-person meetup! But it sounds like you'll be kind of far away and in a much more beautiful area. I've heard Belize is amazing. I hope you enjoy it.
but do let me know if you decide to come into Mexico!

I want to go to Mexico! *stamps foot*

I generally like living by myself, though I do occasionally think I'd benefit from a change, and I absolutely do get what Miko said about hitting a wall. (Though I think you can hit a similar wall with another person, too, if aspects of your situation are static.)

For me it'd be very different if there weren't other people around to reckon with every day: family and close friends who aren't physically nearby, but who are constantly in touch; the people I work with, who are generally fun and interesting; and my landlord and immediate neighbors, who are eccentric and lively and kind. I know I wouldn't fare well without a regular, nourishing stream of good company.

I know the feeling elizard. Though, I can't really say I know any alternative to living alone. Last roommate I had was about 20 years ago, except for a year when I rented a room from my brother when I first moved out to Colorado. I've never been married or "cohabited without benefit of clergy" either. I often wonder if I'm socially defective. Actually, it's pretty much dawning on me that I am. I'm not sure if I'm ready to accept that though, maybe in another 20 years, and I'm still in the same boat, I will. I guess in the end it's just life, and the choices we make and have to live with for whatever reason. C'est la vie.

I often think I would have made a good drifter. Traveling around the world with no rudder. I was raised with different values than that, and that's been quite powerful in my life-decision making. The times I've been most happy were when I've been traveling, and when I've been my most broke. Go figure.

Good for you and your vacation south. I've spent a few weeks in Honduras, and am envious of your trip. I'm considering something this winter. I want to hit the Mayan ruins again now that I can photograph things, but I'd also love to visit the cities too. A couple of weeks in Guatamala would be nice. I used to work with someone who now lives in El Salvador. Maybe I'll go that way.

Hang in there elizard!!! And, have a great time in Central America!!

I got divorced this year, and I HATE HATE HATE living alone. I have a boyfriend who spends almost every night with me, but on the nights he's not over, I'm incredibly lonely. He's been gone for a week and a half now for Christmas, and I've hated every minute of it.

I am alone at home for a week right now due to the partner's holiday engagements elsewhere. I looked forward avidly to this long span of personal space for weeks, expecting nothing less than a rapid replay of my youth: novellas written in single wee-hour sittings, music blaring through the house as I danced about and invented religions, deep and cathartic cleansings of my home and purgings of meaningless material clutter... but now that it's here I find myself bopping back and forth aimlessly between cigarettes, cheap sci-fi entertainment, porn, and work.

I think I'm tired of being alone, too. Either that, or I'm just getting old.

I am alone at home for a week right now due to the partner's holiday engagements elsewhere. I looked forward avidly to this long span of personal space for weeks, expecting nothing less than a rapid replay of my youth: novellas written in single wee-hour sittings, music blaring through the house as I danced about and invented religions, deep and cathartic cleansings of my home and purgings of meaningless material clutter (each discarding fraught with delicious sentimental sacrifice)...

But now that it's here I find myself bopping back and forth aimlessly between cigarettes, cheap sci-fi entertainment, porn, and work.

I think I'm tired of being alone, too. Either that, or I'm just getting old.

Fuck. Of all the private things I could expose, an edit is perhaps the most personal of all.

Wow. Now I wonder if I'll stop being the happy curmudgeon and do what you're doing someday.

I spent some years wanting not to be alone, but now I'm the exact opposite. I think maybe I'm in love with being alone. Someday I figure maybe I'll lower the stress and busy-ness in my life to where I can actually contemplate a relationship, but right now I can't even imagine what could possibly change me, although I can imagine something changing me, maybe some magical event, maybe Lara Croft (the CG Lara, not Angelina, LOL) or the childhood sweetheart I loved when I was five suddenly finding me, LOL. I'm busting my ass to eventually work at home, too, so I can spend my "job time" alone except for a cat in my lap (and one on my foot and probably one on the keyboard as usual), and breaks running through a field with my dogs: Heaven. Jeans day? Hell with that. Every day should be No Shoes Day.

Ah, well. I guess everything's a circle.

Oh, um... No worries, elizard! You'll get your wish, and probably sooner than you want it, LOL. Really.

Thanks, bunnies, for the words of encouragement and interesting thoughts. I think it's along the lines of what Miko described--I've been living alone for 5 years (before that I rarely lived alone, and usually was shacked up with a boyfriend). It's been great, but I feel stuck in a rut. Living where I do, I don't have a lot of social interaction of any kind, though some of that is by choice. That may be a big part of the problem, actually: I find myself withdrawing more and more from social interaction, and sometimes worry that I'm getting a bit too hermit-like, to the point that I sometimes have a hard time talking to people when the opportunity does arise. (Those who know me would find that incredible; I was quite--possibly ridiculously--gregarious for most of my adult life.) Winters here are hard on most of us, too--there's not much work, and people tend to get a bit insular, with the cabin fever that entails. They say if you can make it through the winter here, you're an islander for sure.

However, I don't think I'm growing or using the time productively any more, and miss the things ej described. I've mentioned before that with a permanent population of approx. 1100 it's kind of a dating puddle here, so it's unusually hard to meet someone who actually lives here, is available, and with whom I have things in common. Hopefully my wanderings of the next couple of months will shake a few things loose and inspire me to start working toward goals and intellectual growth again.