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19 December 2007

I'm sure you're all wondering what my pet peeve is this season, so here it is: long winded, pointless disclaimers on email.[More:]
Here's one I got today (in Spanish, but I think the inanity translates well):

Antes de imprimir este correo electrónico piense bien si es necesario hacerlo: El medioambiente es cosa de todos.



ADVERTENCIA LEGAL:



Este correo electrónico, y en su caso, cualquier fichero anexo al mismo, contiene información de carácter confidencial, exclusivamente dirigida a su destinatario, salvo error u omisión involuntarios. Queda prohibida su divulgación, copia o distribución a terceros, sin la previa autorización por escrito de su remitente. En el caso de haber recibido este mensaje por error, se ruega comunique esta circunstancia mediante su reenvío a la dirección electrónica del remitente y proceda a su eliminación, así como la de cualquier documento adjunto al mismo.



La Compañía ha adoptado todas las medidas a su alcance para impedir la implantación de virus informáticos en este correo y su documentación adjunta hasta el momento de su emisión, sin que asuma responsabilidad alguna por los eventuales daños o pérdidas que pueda ocasionar la recepción del mismo.


It starts by telling you not to print the email because "the environment is everybody's problem".
Then you get a LEGAL WARNING with the standard if I'm too dumb to know how to address email it IS YOUR FAULT.
Then it finishes with a thing about how the message doesn't have any viruses becuase The Company has adopted "all measures within its reach", unless it does, in which case you're shit out of luck, buddy.
The dumbass useless linebreaks are verbatim.
woops, forgot to more inside. Hope me?
posted by signal 19 December | 15:25
What was the actual email about, or was the entire email the disclaimer? I never get any good disclaimers. All my emails are about the same old stuff....girls wanting to chat with me, people wanting to increase the size of my penis...same old same old.
posted by iconomy 19 December | 15:30
Nah, the actual content of the email was one line: "Thanks." All the rest is just padding.
posted by signal 19 December | 15:37
aargh!
posted by taz 19 December | 15:42
Here's mine:
If you do not wish to receive promotional materials from GIANT CORPORATION via e-mail, please, go to http://www.GIANT CORPORATION.com/emailmgmt or reply to this message and type unsubscribe in the subject - GIANT CO Inc. - Corporate Headquarters, This email may contain material that is confidential, and proprietary to GIANT CO, for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any review, reliance or distribution by others or forwarding without express permission is strictly prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender and delete all copies.
posted by kellydamnit 19 December | 15:44
Our corporate assistant has this disclaimer on all her emaisl:

LEGAL PRIVILEGE NOTICE: The information contained in this E-mail is legally privileged and/or proprietary business information intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution, or copy of this E-mail message is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, all copies of this E-mail and associated attachments in your possession should be destroyed.
posted by muddgirl 19 December | 16:02
I wonder if the disclaimer is covered by the disclaimer? ZOMG, have we just broken the law???
posted by signal 19 December | 16:06
And, may I add the following email observation?

Yes?

Good.

When I receive an email from someone, then receive an email wanting to retract the previous email, it's not really gonna work, you know? I've already read it...
posted by mightshould 19 December | 16:09
I hope no one is thinking about printing out this thread.
posted by iconomy 19 December | 16:12
I like this one which has been circulating the interwebs for a long time:

Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this disclaimer).

posted by qvantamon 19 December | 16:58
I love that, qvantamon. Very, very much.
posted by taz 19 December | 17:50
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail and any attachments are confidential and may be protected by legal privilege. If you are not the intended recipient, be aware that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or use of this e-mail or any attachment is prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender immediately by replying to this e-mail and delete this message from your system. Thank you.

That's the disclaimer that the mister's employer uses. The mister declines to use it on his emails (this is on something that he forwarded to me - ha!).

LOL @ qvantamon. I should send that one to the mister. I'm sure his employer wouldn't be amused tho'.
posted by deborah 19 December | 19:11
The one my company uses is huge and replete with environmental bullying, company registration, address, mobile, and a bunch of legalese... but I'm stuck with it. So, BLAME ME. I'm one of the bad people.
posted by chuckdarwin 19 December | 19:35
p.s. Outlook's default signature edit window has a really fucked-up default double-spacing issue - so it's probably not the Spanish company's fault. That's right, kids: I just blamed Microshit for making an inferior product (again).

The trick is to go into the edit mode somewhere and turn off the spacing... but it's hard to find.
posted by chuckdarwin 19 December | 19:37
For online research and career opportunities: Explore a career with The Blah Financial Group
Click here to learn what other say about our career opportunities:
www.blahfinancialgroup-mycompany-mycareer.com
Joe Smith is with The Blah Financial Group. Blah Blah Financial Network is the marketing name for the sales and distribution arm of the Blah Insurance Company and its subsidiaries and affiliates. The Blah Insurance Company (Blah), Anytown, USA, Billy Bob, General Agent.

Your transmission of electronic mail to this address represents your consent to two-way communication by Internet e-mail. If you received this in error, please contact the sender and delete the material from any computer on which it exists.

Blah Company, its subsidiaries and affiliates may review and retain incoming and outgoing electronic mail for this e-mail address for quality assurance and regulatory compliance purposes. Communications that are received via the Secure Message Center are secure. Communications that are not received via the Secure Message Center website may not be secure or encrypted, and could be observed by a third party.

If you prefer not to receive any e-mail communication from Blah Company or our Financial Representatives, please click the following link:"E-Mail Opt-out from Blah Company"

In the event that you cannot click on the above link, the Blah Company E-Mail Opt-out form can be found at the following URL: https://service.blah.com/EmailOptOut.do.

Blah Company
123 East Main Avenue
Anytown, USA 09876-5432.

Now THAT is my most hated disclaimer. It gets added to the end of every email my friend sends from work. When she was in a different position at the same company, there used to be a bunch of stuff in there about not leaving buy or sell orders in her email because they would not be executed blah blah blah...
posted by youngergirl44 19 December | 21:16
These are outrageously good. || Forces conspire against me!

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