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17 December 2007

Sad. My downstairs neighbor died... and we missed the funeral. →[More:]

Maybe some of you remember me mentioning my little old lady downstairs. She was very sweet, and used to cook me things almost every day while my husband was out of town on a long project. She also corrected my sock-hanging technique (laundry), showing me that I should hang them by the toes, not the ankle bit. :) She would sweep the courtyard and water the plants every day, and just made our little residential spot warmer and friendlier.

By summer, I knew she was not feeling well many days, and mostly complained of pain in her legs. Eventually it became too hot for her to stay in her small apartment with no AC, and she went to stay with her daughter for a few days. Days became weeks as Greece suffered the worst heat wave in 100 years.

The last time I saw her was when she came back with her daughter in mid-August to pick up some things because they were going to the island of Tinos for holiday. The next time I saw her daughter, in September when she came to check on her mom's apartment, she told us that Vasiliki was in the hospital, and that she had inoperable cancer. She also told me that she had brought back an icon for me from Tinos, but that she (the daughter) had forgotten to bring it with her.

Well, my upstairs neighbor just knocked on the door to tell us that her funeral was today, which she didn't know about either, but just found out because she saw the funeral announcement posted to the front gate as she arrived home around 7:30 pm.

But we never saw it! It wasn't there when I went to the grocery around 12:30 in the afternoon... and nobody called us. This makes me sad.

So, Kyria Vasiliki, goodbye, and godspeed. You will be missed.

post by: taz at: 13:07 | 21 comments

Oh, that's sad. I had a similar experience when my longtime neighbor across the street was hospitalized and died, and her nephew assumed no one cared. I miss her. She was prickly, but once we got to know her, she was a friend.

posted by theora55 17 December | 13:10

.

(((((taz))))) I'm glad you were able to get to know her a bit while she was here.

posted by chewatadistance 17 December | 13:10

Oh, taz, I'm so sorry. Missing the funeral is hard --- a structured setting for closure can make it easier.

Do I remember correctly that you've been keeping up her garden terrace, watering and adding plants? Have you and your neighbor thought about having a less formal memorial there, amidst her plants?

posted by Elsa 17 December | 13:17

I was just thinking of something like that now, Elsa. Good idea.

posted by taz 17 December | 13:19

i didn't know my downstairs neighbor died until over a week after and was in shock, having missed my opportunity to at least commiserate. It was very bizarre and coupled with another death-- to make a long story short, things have gone far downhill without her around taking care of things.

posted by ethylene 17 December | 13:21

uh oh. I think I'm already experiencing Kyria Vasiliki visitations... Just now, sitting here in the kitchen at the laptop, I heard a noise, and looked over towards the counter to see the plastic bag that our frozen sole filet had been thawing in crinkling down on itself for no apparent reason. So I went over to have a look, and checked the fish, which turned out to be totally thawed - and immediately thought it was Vasiliki, tut-tutting that it needed to be put into the fridge 'til we cook it. Which she totally would. Heh.

posted by taz 17 December | 13:39

I'm sorry taz. I remember you posting about her and it's clear you were fond of her.

posted by essexjan 17 December | 13:44

I'm so sorry. And also "Awww" to the visitation. Good to know she's still looking out for you!

posted by occhiblu 17 December | 13:57

Aw, taz. I'm sorry she's gone and that you didn't get to say your proper goodbyes. I'm happy, though, for the joy you two no doubt brought each other.

posted by mudpuppie 17 December | 14:00

Man... you know... I had even had this thought that we should call her daughter to say "please let us know... if, um, when, er..."

Yeah, right. It was just this passing thought - because obviously it would be totally gruesome to call a sick person's child and say, "hey there! Be sure to let us know about the funeral, when it comes up 'K?!" Ugh. But still. Damn.

I do like the idea of doing something with our upstairs neighbor... and we need to check with our neighbors across the street. I bet they didn't know, either, because I'm pretty sure they would have come over to say something to us, and maybe talk about going together to the funeral. And if they didn't know, this is even worse, because the older lady across the street was her pal, and they used to sit out on the front steps over there most every evening when the weather was nice and chat for while... for years. And years.

posted by taz 17 December | 14:08

obviously it would be totally gruesome to call a sick person's child and say, "hey there! Be sure to let us know about the funeral, when it comes up 'K?!"

I don't know about that --- plenty of people asked me exactly that when Dad was dying. (That might be different; he was in home-hospice, which was an open acknowledgement that he was dying.)

But I'll admit that, though I heartily agreed to notify a ton of people, when the time came I was so worn down, exhausted, and preoccupied that lots of people slipped my mind, and they never knew about the service until too late. I felt terrible about that.

I'm sure your downstairs neighbor (and her remaining family) know how you felt about her. You write about her with such warmth and affection, it must be even more palpable in person.

posted by Elsa 17 December | 14:27

That is sad, taz. There's a steady, calming presence that the elderly bring to our lives, I feel, particularly in a rough and tumble city like New York.

It must be the season -- our elderly neighbor across the hall died two weeks ago. She'd lived in her apartment for 38 years, I was told by someone in our building. Her name was Gwen, and she was always impeccably turned out. She loved our dog, which is how I got to talking to her, and I will miss seeing her eyes light up everytime she saw us leave the apartment to go for a walk.

posted by Lassie 17 December | 14:29

This is so true, Elsa. If it were me, I would just be shattered, probably useless, and certainly in no shape to think of all these things.

posted by taz 17 December | 14:34

Sometimes I fear my brothers will forget to call me if anything, heaven forbid, happens to my mom, who's 92 and lives alone. She fell and broke her wrist and suffered a concussion and was in the hospital overnight last year, and my brothers negected to call me for two days. I get mildly panicked when I can't reach her late at night sometimes; she doesn't hear the phone so well.

Sorry for your loss, taz. The man who ran the copy room at my school just died of a heart attack last week. He was such a sweet man. He helped me out a lot and was always really friendly. I will miss his presence.

posted by Pips 17 December | 14:43

She sounded like such a nice lady to know. I'm sorry the family didn't think to tell you, or wanted things private.

You will find a way to honor her memory / say goodbye, and that will be wonderful in itself.

posted by mightshould 17 December | 15:04

(((((Tazzie!)))) that's so sad, but know that she probably got great satisfaction about "teaching" you what you needed to hang socks and things.

posted by Wilder 17 December | 15:25

Ah hon. I'm sorry you missed the funeral and I like the idea of having a little neighborhood wake. And/or maybe make a casserole for the daughter? Not entirely kidding - cooking for the bereaved always helps me and then the family is always happy about it too and, hey, casseroles! They're just naturally comforting! Anyway, hugs to all.

posted by mygothlaundry 17 December | 16:01

Aw, taz, I'm sorry. :-(

posted by jrossi4r 17 December | 17:24

What mudpuppie said. (((taz)))

posted by deborah 18 December | 00:39

*hugs taz*
I've had to ask my uncle to let me know if something happens to my dad...and it was my cousin who told me my mother's friend died.

Pips, my grandfather was hard of hearing from the time he was seven--the last ten years of his life he had blinking lights for the phone, smoke alarm and doorbell.

posted by brujita 18 December | 03:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sucks to lose a friend. I was a teen before I ever had that kind of loss - it was a regular customer in the store I worked in. He used to make the most amazing cakes. His was the first wake I'd ever been to.
I've also been on the end of wanting to know.."when". I knew one lovely elderly lady whose visits always brightened my day. But her legs were giving her much trouble, and her visits were fewer and fewer. I finally screwed up the courage to tell her, if she "wasn't able to come to the store anymore", that I'd always enjoyed our friendship, and that I would miss her terribly. She was gracious and understanding, and I miss her terribly.

posted by redvixen 18 December | 20:23

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