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14 December 2007

What's your porn name? [handmade] [More:] A couple of years ago while I was stationed in Hawaii, my buddy and I decided to go skydiving. It was a beautiful day for something like that and I will always be grateful he talked me into it. As we were sitting in the hanger waiting for the plane to refuel and go through its preflight preparations, my dive instructor must have sensed some tension in the group, because he started joking about how all the instructors had their own porn names. Basically, the first name of your porn name is the name of the first pet you ever had as a child. If the gender is wrong, then it is the name of your closest childhood friend your gender. Your last name is the name of the street you grew up on or the one you lived on longest. My first pet was a Boykin Spaniel named Lady, so that wont work, but my best friend's name was Casey. I lived my entire childhood on Comanche Court. So be on the look out for my small screen debut entitled: Casey Comanche does MeCha!
Sylvester Pynford.
posted by Capn 14 December | 09:36
vyvian glenwood.
posted by syntax 14 December | 09:37
We've had a quite a few "porn name" posts that go to a generator, so I'm going to append your title to say "handmade"... Let me know if you hate this, and I'll remove it!
posted by taz 14 December | 09:44
My porn name by this formula is "Shay Esplanade". Please, gentlemen, try not to get too excited!
posted by taz 14 December | 09:51
"Boing Patterson"
posted by interrobang 14 December | 09:52
I wasn't aware of that. Thanks, taz. I think my post is unique in that it makes it a little more personal. But I hope you are not trying to duck out here... what's your porn name, mod goddess?
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 09:52
Tippy Saratoga. But always preferred what it would have been in Junior High with my current dog and address: Bandit Alabama. *cue porno wah wah jazz*
posted by Slack-a-gogo 14 December | 09:53
jinx, Brandon!
posted by taz 14 December | 09:54
Shay Esplanade? Damn that's pornographic..
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 09:55
Michael Rome.
posted by BoringPostcards 14 December | 09:55
Both are primo, Slack! But I have to admit to a slight bias towards Tippy Saratoga. :)
posted by taz 14 December | 09:56
Jip Moriah.
posted by misteraitch 14 December | 10:03
Now that I think of it, "Jinx Brandon" would be a pretty good porn name. :)
posted by taz 14 December | 10:04
Pepper Stockholm and it is such a drag name.
posted by ethylene 14 December | 10:05
Good lord - JoFudd Gilboa. About as unsexy as you can get.
posted by tr33hggr 14 December | 10:11
Marek Grime.

I know a woman who had the porn name "Butch Dykes". No other porn name has ever come close.
posted by seanyboy 14 December | 10:12
bruno belleview

roowwrrr. grr. etc.
posted by dismas 14 December | 10:17
oooh. I just realized that if I take the second in line of both my pets and the street that I lived on the longest, I'm "Seven Aristotle", which is totally non-porny, but might be a great name for a character in a William Gibson novel.
posted by taz 14 December | 10:17
Cassie Perth.

Who is really the librarian who is hiding a pornilicious bod under all that tweed.
posted by gaspode 14 December | 10:21
Fluffy St. Bede, which I think is a pretty good porn name heh.
posted by esilenna 14 December | 10:22
I love esilenna's one! Mine unfortunately does not work due the fact that the Irish language just doesn't sound that erotic.

Snowy Gurranabraher (Gurran na mBrathair-garden of the Monks!)just sounds like the title of a Christmas card scene!
posted by Wilder 14 December | 10:31
But I have to admit to a slight bias towards Tippy Saratoga. :)

Tippy Saratoga is so the 50 year old bitchy gay dude that lives in my old apartment building.
posted by gaspode 14 December | 10:31
I guess it works better when growing up in an anglophone country, but here's a Scandinavian version:

Tabasco Havgaardsvej

Big, blond, and hulky, amirite?
posted by AwkwardPause 14 December | 10:37
"Tabasco" is always a good beginning for porn hopefuls!
posted by taz 14 December | 10:49
Clyde Evergreen... sorry it's not handmade; it uses one of the old formulas.
posted by Doohickie 14 December | 10:58
Walter Swallow.
posted by malaprohibita 14 December | 11:04
"Walter Swallow"

HA!
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 11:06
Kissy Meadow -- probably ought to add an 's' to Meadow. If I go with a gender-appropriate "first" name, I would be Tim Meadows, I shit you not.
posted by me3dia 14 December | 11:33
Okay, I don't want to jump the gun... but I'm pretty sure that - so far - "Walter Swallow" totally WINS.
posted by taz 14 December | 11:36
Buckwheat S. Broadway (S for South)
posted by danf 14 December | 11:52
i can already hear the music.
posted by ethylene 14 December | 12:08
So when it came around to me, I said my name was "Baron Von Hugecock." Then I said, "What? I grew up on Von Hugecock Avenue, and my dog's name was Baron."

- Jeff Garlin
posted by agropyron 14 December | 12:15
Peter Petite.

I win.
posted by eamondaly 14 December | 12:20
eamondaly wins the whole internet. Srsly.
posted by taz 14 December | 12:31
I win.


Sorry, eamondaly, but....

Gandalf Ponus.
posted by dersins 14 December | 12:36
"Gandalf Ponus"

Thread ovar, folks. THREAD OVAR!!!
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 12:44
Thread ovar? but I always liked my pornstar name: Buster Ramstad
posted by sambosambo 14 December | 12:50
Selby Dentonia
posted by elizard 14 December | 12:55
Dizzy Broome. Which is more of a drag name, for a kind of stolid, middle of the road, sensible drag queen.

I respectfully think that we should be allowed to pick our own porn names if we like and therefore I am now and will always be: Erogenous Jones.
posted by Divine_Wino 14 December | 13:00
Mine's the worst ever: Bruno Forty-Second Street.

So I'm picking mine: Ophelia Bliss.
posted by Specklet 14 December | 13:02
You're forgetting the rough trade market.
posted by ethylene 14 December | 13:05
Alicia Davenport. Seriously. It should be a soap opera name rather than a porn name.
posted by brina 14 December | 13:05
Sorry eamon, I've told you before - I always win:

Foxy Diamond

Now the thread is over.
posted by deborah 14 December | 13:08
Devine_Wino: previously: drag names
posted by me3dia 14 December | 13:13
Louie Mercer, who sounds like he should be the foreman down at the loading dock. I choose Rod Action instead.
posted by bmarkey 14 December | 13:39
Albert Hyman
posted by govtdrone 14 December | 13:53
govtdrone

How about Hyman Buster?
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 14:06
Hyman Buster is FAIL.

you had a cat or dog or some other pet named Hyman? and you lived on Buster street?

I suspect you are lying.
posted by taz 14 December | 14:17
wait, maybe I should say: you should be able to see that I am kind of winking & laughing, but also kind of kicking your stupid butt, but in a kind of nice way, which is hard to do all at once, in text.
posted by taz 14 December | 14:23
you should be able to see that I am kind of winking & laughing, but also kind of kicking your stupid butt, but in a kind of nice way, which is hard to do all at once, in text.


But all of us know that girls are better at multi-tasking, both in the physical and contextual realms, so this it totally plausible.

Especially in a girlzone.
posted by danf 14 December | 14:29
"Especially in a girl zone."

ZING!
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 14:49
zing? You think?
posted by taz 14 December | 14:56
No, just friendly, affectionate banter. And I am sure that most reading it would take it that way.

posted by danf 14 December | 14:58
Thats how I took it, too. If this is awkward let me alleviate it by saying:

Penis.


There. All better.
posted by Brandon1600 14 December | 15:07
Doggie. (I was not quite two, and I said "Doggie!" and got big eyed, when Dad brought home the yellow boxer pup. It stuck.)

Stile. (A dead WWII Naval officer, who in return for the great sacrifice he made for his country, had a 300 foot long piece of asphalt in a military housing area named in his honor.)

Ya can't make this stuff up.
posted by paulsc 14 December | 16:06
Farnsworth Gaynor. Meh.

(the dog was a basset hound; he looked like he needed a Veddy British Nobility name; I had no clue of the name's future on Futurama, but I am proud to have thought of it first... in the San Fernando Valley suburb where I lived from the age of 8 to 18, Gaynor Avenue is a block away from Gloria Avenue; I always suspected a certain disco singer - born Gloria Fowles - got the name from my neighborhood, even though she's apparently a native of New Jersey)
posted by wendell 14 December | 16:23
Sharktooth Kenilworth.

(It was a goldfish.)
posted by Iridic 14 December | 17:29
Sunshine Mayflower.
posted by desjardins 14 December | 18:52
Sugar Kalinda

(Sugar was a merino sheep we had in Australia.)
posted by essexjan 14 December | 19:03
(Sugar was a merino sheep we had in Australia.)


Well being in Australia, I am assuming that Sugar had an extensive porn career on her own?
posted by danf 14 December | 19:07
Zing!



Taffy Harrison.
posted by redvixen 14 December | 20:29
If you go by middle name/youth street, I am
Dixon Oakwood
Please, ladies, please! Only two at a time!
posted by plinth 14 December | 20:45
Sundae Birdseye.

(I did this with friends at work and my friend Dominic* said his was 'Buster Lane.' That's a good one.)

*I am of half-Italian descent but the only two Dominics I've ever known have both been black. I mentioned this to the latest Dominic and he said 'We're takin' over, dude.'
posted by jonmc 14 December | 21:46
Sunshine Center


posted by lilywing13 14 December | 22:05
DAMN it, deborah! Why can't you just let me win ONE THREAD?!
posted by eamondaly 15 December | 00:08
Well being in Australia, I am assuming that Sugar had an extensive porn career on her own?

Please to be getting your national derogatory stereotypes right, danf. You're thinking of Kiwis and the Welsh, dear.

Jemima Pedder (waka waka)
posted by goo 15 December | 08:55
eamon - because it's my birthday and you have to be nice to me?
posted by deborah 15 December | 11:21
Fine. FINE. Happy birthday, Foxy!
posted by eamondaly 15 December | 14:07
$425 Pill || OMG Bunnies!

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