I feel your pain.

Typical scenario:

me: cackle-snort!
co-worker: what's so funny?
me: oh, this guy on this website I post at said something really funny...*mumble*mumble*lame-finish*

Some people just don't understand why having fish in one's pants is funny. They don't get it and they never will.

There was a thread similar to this a month or two back, and one poster offered the best explanation I've heard yet, and I've adopted it. The people on MeCha and MeFi are my "invisible friends". I've started referring to them that way around the wife and she seems to get it a bit now.

Of course, if I make it to the MeFi/MeCha Dallas meetup Sunday, they'll be visible......

"it's a web community that centers around a discussion board about culture, politics, and technology."

If they're interested:

"Lots of interesting and funny people from all over the world post regularly, so you get to know them. And there's a big real-world component to it, where the online friendships extend to collaborative projects and meetups."

And if they don't get it, they don't get it.

Reminds me of this:
Are we "friends" or what?

Oh, and also: I don't try to convert people to MeFi. If it's going to happen, it's kind of natural: they just hear me say "I found this cool thing on MeFi" or "I know someone from MeFi who lives there" or "I emailed you some links from MeFi about [your latest interest].

Yes, I never try to get people to join MeFi or Metachat... Just because there's so much weird stuff that you don't understand until you hang out a bit, and some of it can be pretty off-putting. I'm tempted, though. I told carmina that we need to recruit more Athens Mefites just so we can have a meetup some day. I'm jealous of meetups. :)

I usually say "my internet people" or "my internet friends", and explain it basically as Miko has described.

Oh I wouldn't even try to get the roommate to join MeFi. There's enough vocal asshattery as it is.

I find that I can't "explain" it. I just have to let people read it and experience it for themselves. They either "get it" or they don't (and both are okay).

"... I need to work on my communication or something."
post by: sambosambo at: 23:46

No, you don't.

metafilter.com and all sub-domains are a low tech, text based Web site, with a comparatively small, mostly paid membership (something way south of 60,000 participants), many of whom have actually paid $5 not to watch revenue generating advertisements for the domain, when accessing the domain. I am one of the sad $5 folks, just so you know. I thought my eyeballs were worth $5, but it turns out, I was wrong.

There aren't many actual world cultural leaders that post regularly there. People with real lives and real missions have little interest in metafilter.com domains, but occasionally, the outside world falls down a bread crumb trail, and gets side barred. Not knowing you, it's hard to say whether you should pay attention to the sidebar, or not. I don't. Here's hoping that whatever you'd like to happen to your user ID, vis-a-via the sidebar, does!

Few original ideas are discussed. A lot of not very funny, "in jokes" get posted, because that is the basic way "community" manifests on that site. In the main, it's a self-important, but dull, small backwater of the Internet, that happens to have been up and down, at the same URL, for several years. But, the good news is, that it's quixotically moderated, by a small cadre of paid personnel, who are gems, if not mensches. You'll love 'em, if you just get to know 'em!

And, we're not supposed to talk about MeFi on MeCha, sorta, I think. I have not the least clue whether this post is appropriate for MetaChat, but I've tried to be honest, at least, and helpful.

Every day is a learning opportunity :-)

paulsc, there isn't a rule that we can't discuss anything metafilter related, just that problems, bitches, and complaints belong on metatalk, which is where the admins go to deal with anything like that, and basically we don't want threads that badmouth users or threaten to turn into that.

People with real lives and real missions have little interest in metafilter.com domains

Well, fuck. There goes my sense of self-worth.

No way, pupps! I've been perfectly happy having imaginary lives since I was a wee lass... and now I have friends that share some of them, which is totally sweet.

"... and basically we don't want threads that badmouth users or threaten to turn into that."
posted by taz 12 December

That solves that, and it's well put, taz.

Yeah, taz dearest, wasn't really doubting the value of my imaginary friends, so much as the implication that I (and my "imaginary" friends) aren't people with real lives and real missions.

taz, pups, paulsc, I must tell you, I am but a character, in a snow globe, held by Tommy Westphall.

Aw, but I like the "in jokes." They make me feel special.

*imaginary-hugs everyone; turns snowglobe upside-down, giggles*

I view it that MeCha is not MeFi's complaint hotline and you can't escalate problems there to here.

I think it was bunnyfire whose partner/husband refers to us as her "unimaginery friends", which I think fits perfectly.

I never ever try to explain MeFi or MeCha, because it's one of those things that:
(a) you have to innately understand or you never will
(2) I just don't know how to explain it without it sounding all lame and a bit skeevy. Don't even get me started on trying to explain meetups!

mudpuppie, paulsc speaks only for himself - I doubt that anyone else here thinks none of us have real lives or missions, but that's exactly the kind of attitude that makes it impossible to explain our world away from the world (see 2 above).

"It's a website where users post links to interesting sites and articles on the web. It's fun because it attracts a lots of really bright, funny people from all walks of life."

And I disagree with paulsc; I think a lot of people here are "opinion leaders," for lack of a better term, in their real-life groups. People tend to be pretty well-informed. Plus there's some credentialed journalists and doctors and lawyers and whatnot.

People with real lives and real missions have little interest in metafilter.com domains


Which is precisely what I meant when I said that if I were a very successful person, I probably wouldn't post here (or on mefi, LJ, etc).

I don't tell people about my online friends, except for hubby, and I don't have to explain to him because he gets it (plus he used to go online in the olden days when all there were was BBSs (is that what they were called?)

It freaks me out badly enough when people who have actually met me find me on Facebook or otherwise track me down online....it's like I'm afraid matter and antimatter will meet and explode or something.

But hey, the worst that can happen is they find out just how incredibly much I hate cilantro.

*loves St. Elsewhere reference*

Whenever I wonder aloud about something, my husband sarcastically says "Why don't you ask the brains at Metafilter" even though he's never visited the site. He's a funny guy. He has his little bookmarked fishing sites and is very happy with those.

The other day we ventured out into the real world, the meatspace one, to go Christmas shopping. We drove to the mall, and I spied the absolute mostest bestest parking space in the world...it was about 20 feet from the entrance to the store we wanted to go in. I pulled in and triumphantly yelled SUCK IT HATERS! and my husband was all...wha? huh? What did you say? What does that mean? I explained the whole LOL and WTF thing to him and now he yells ESAD (eat shit and die) at bad drivers. From within the confines of his own vehicle, of course. I wub him.

"It's a geek thing. You wouldn't understand."

I thought my eyeballs were worth $5, but it turns out, I was wrong . . . People with real lives and real missions have little interest in metafilter.com domains . . . In the main, it's a self-important, but dull, small backwater of the Internet,

That's odd. You have well north of 3,000 comments on MetaFilter right now. And your last contribution there is less than twelve hours old. You're dissing MeFi and, at the same time, you seem to be up to your eyeballs in it.

Is this a case of "Do as I say, not as I do"?

I agree with ibmcginty. MeFi is like a city in which everyone has their own social group and neighborhood. A lot of one's experience on MeFi has to do with what neighborhood places you hang out in - what kinds of threads you read and participate in.

People with real lives and real missions have little interest in metafilter.com domains

I think it's only safe to say this if you're speaking about yourself or someone you personally know. It also indicates that the speaker probably hasn't met or corresponded with many other MeFites. I certainly have a real life, real accomplishments, and real interests, so many I can barely keep up with them. As head of one nonprofit, on the board of another, and director of education at a third, it's safe to say I'm a cultural leader in my own city. As far as the MeFi community goes, there is a small subset of museum people on MeFi, and they are leaders within our field: one coordinates the largest museums/technology conference in the US, another was responsible for the design of an important exhibit. One of my local friends who's a MeFite is one of our local cultural leaders: he runs a theatre company and has an endless slew of creative public art projects going on. Many MeFites are journalists whose work you've probably read. Many are professors. Many are activists. Many are musicians. If these aren't people with "real lives and real interests," I don't what those people look like.

I think it's an archaic idea that people who have time to post on the internet don't 'have lives.' This stems from the days when it was truer, when people who got into computers, gaming, and online messaging were generally tech geeks. Those days are long gone. People my age and younger have grown up with the internet as an integral part of their lives, as easy and central a method of communication as the phone once was. It's another networking tool, and a highly effective one that has produced real (and helpful, and delightful) impact on my personal and professional lives. At this point, I've begun to call people out when, in an online argument, they are reduced to minimizing their oponent's argument by employing the ad hominem suggestion that if they have that much time/attention/interest for an online argument, their lives must be empty. It's just no longer true, and anyway, it's quite the opposite. Energy begets energy, ideas beget ideas. I dip into MeFi like going to the well - for amusement, inspiration, awareness of other fields, thought-provoking discussion, and so on. If someone isn't finding interesting or useful ideas there, they might be in the wrong neighborhoods.

There are certainly a lot of snarkers, slackers, and curmudgeons on MeFi, no doubt about it. And a lot of people there only to build their egos, blow off steam, or waste time idly. But there are also some very talented, very creative, very bright, very influential and socially active people there. There's a reason a lot of us only participate on one set of sites rather than skip-hop around the 'net all day. There's only one delivering this sort of experience with this sort of community.

You either get it or you don't. I have been in various online communities, at varying levels, since '94. I feel a bit connected here, but in Metafilter, I am an extra and have no notions that I am moving the plot forward over there.

I can't explain any of it to my "surface" friends. You either have the wiring for this, or you don't. I have showed stuff to my wife that seems funny to me, but she just has no draw. If there is a MeFi thread that seems relevant, I'll forward it to Daughter, for the links and discussion.

(The other day, I was regarding my office mate, and his relat. to his wife. I concluded that he was about 96% Endicott, and then remembered that Wendell here invented that index. It was a fun moment.)

I used the term "invisible friends" in ColdChef's Metatalk post. But ColdChef's kindness when my Mom died last week, and the warmth of responses from Mechazens makes it clear to me that Metachat and Metafilter are real communities.

we (the mister and I) use the term "imaginary friends" even when we are both at meetups -- as an aside, there's one up in Boulder on the 21st of this month that we're both looking forward to.

Neither of us uses that term disparagingly at all, but rather with a sense of wonder and camraderie and affection. Both of us had "imaginary friends" when we were little, also, and our imaginary friends provided a great sense of belonging and richness to our lives then (as now), so we may trend a bit away from the norm.

One of the Denver mefites (NailsTheCat) is a regular customer at REI, where the mister works on weekends. They tend to greet each other (half-seriously) as "hiya Nails!" and "hey there, mr. lfr!", which just fudges up everyone's pat concrete sense of identity, now doesn't it? I like this blending of my online life and real world, but I get that not everyone's comfortable with that, which is cool.

I've talked about it to IRLies plenty. And I have one convert under my belt, in addition to my partner, who lurked before me but joined after.

I say it's an online community. I call you people my internet friends. Sounds so sketchygood.

The mister gets it (long time geeeeeek) and he's the only one I feel I have to explain myself to (to whom I must explain myself?). My mum is also aware of Mefi and Mecha (I mention them once in a while). I have a feeling Bro#1 would enjoy both sites but I keep my 'net friends to myself as y'all are my only friends.

In short - everyone who matters to me (minus one) knows about both places so I don't have to explain anything.

"... You have well north of 3,000 comments on MetaFilter right now. ..."
posted by jason's_planet 12 December

I think you've got to remember that the comment count is coming from the same Web server that cheerfully assures all comers of "63263 members" or some such, with every reload of the Blue.

Like it or not, not everything you read on the Web is the real deal, regardless of Wendell's best efforts.

And that Santa thing? Hedge your bets, kid.

Um, paulsc, we can read all your comments on MetaFilter. There's no need for anyone to take it on faith. IT's all there.

I've been fortunate enough to meet two of our three mods; they're not the prevaricating type. There are, in fact, some sixty thousand unique registered usernames, with new adds arriving daily, though jessamyn estimates only 5000 active at any one time.

Like anything that is cool enough to, well, be cool but not hip enough to be widely popular, you either get MeFi or you don't. Miko clearly does, paulsc clearly doesn't. There's nothing wrong with that, but some of us are honest enough to own the depth of our involvement there and some, well, I think they're a little embarrassed to be one of us somehow. Me, I'm proud to be a (very) small part of the MeFiVerse and wish more people I know in meatspace visited there, because it's lonely being the only MeFite in the village.